Did you know that our World Leaders are really part of a Reptilian and Draconian conspiracy to enslave the Human Race and take over Earth for their own nefarious purposes? Neither did I. I mean, I thought that ABC's "V" was Science Fiction. Turns out, it's all true. How do I know? Because of people like Colleen Thomas, who in the first video below, has a perfectly rational explanation for the "mysterious" rocket plume seen in southern California, yesterday.
I came across the video this morning on BoingBoing, and at first found it hilarious. Then I watched it twice more and suddenly found it sad and disturbing. Watch for yourself, and we'll discuss, afterward:
Colleen seems perfectly calm and rational at first (despite the leopard-print jacket and over-processed hair color). And while she remains calm, all rationally flies out the window as she talks about the Plieadeans stopping the UN from trying to bomb Iran from Los Angeles. How the reporter on the other end of the phone kept from laughing hysterically, is beyond me. Perhaps he or she was just as fascinated/appalled as I am.
Sadly, Colleen is not alone in her delusions. There are plenty of people who believe this kind of nonsense. David Icke is one of the more popular proponents of these wacko conspiracy theories. Here's one his videos:
Icke has written best-selling books and speaks all over the world, spouting his bizarre message to anyone who will listen. What's scary to me is that people like Icke and Thomas are now on the Internet, spreading their mental disease to those fragile people out there who are more than willing to believe them.
A few years ago, the CBS procedural "C.S.I." had a storyline that dealt with this very subject, and I honestly thought they'd made the whole thing up:
Art imitates life? Maybe. But when the life being imitated is so scarily effed up, it must make one take pause. Believers say these reptilian invaders are all around us, and have assumed positions of political power world-wide. Really? I mean, really? (OK - maybe that last link is right on the money). Still, when "hundreds of thousands of people" think that space geckos are plotting to annihilate the human race in 2012, it may well be time to prepare hundreds of thousands of padded cells. Or call in the space mongooses.
Until such a time, stay vigilant and keep your small pets away from your local council members:
I don't know who this woman is, but she has become an internet sensation, twice. And I love her.
First, she hit the net as an eyewitness to a robbery at a Kansas City gas station, and then again as... well, you'll see.
First up is her interview with a KNBC reporter, describing what happened during the robbery.
After you watch the first clip, I'm sure you'll be able to associate her with at least one person you know. I can associate her with at least 4, but that's what 30+ years of being in the theatre does to one.
And barely a day after the video hit the net, there is this little bit of genius:
Which was quickly followed by:
And this:
I don't honestly remember a faster spreading meme...
I had a very long, crazy day at the day job and then an intense rehearsal tonight, so I'm off to bed. I hope I was able to bring a smile to your face and a giggle to your lips (that sounded unintentionally dirty, somehow). Have a great Wednesday.
Warning: This entire post may be NSFW. That having been said...
The photo to your left (via) is either Marilyn Manson's younger brother, Margot or Alan Cumming in The Rocky Horror Show. Or a gay vampire wedding portrait. Or a boy crying so hard over being left at the altar that his mascara ran. Or... well, I am sure you have jokes of your own to insert... (heh-heh - he said "insert").
I'm still trying to get my bearings after returning from vacation and I have a lot of catching up to do. Of course, diving right into another directorial project doesn't help... I've just about recovered from Sordid Lives and was actually considering auditioning for a role in a musical (yes, Uncle P sings when it's warranted) when Top Girls sort of landed in my lap. In fact, I had a brainstorming/casting session with my producer earlier tonight.
And while I am always on the lookout for topics to blog about, I don't always get to use everything I've come across in a given week.
Al Gore's "Current TV" cable channel has a regular segment on its "Infomania" show called "That's Gay," in which they regularly make fun idiots who still believe that being gay is "life choice." In the most recent clip (via), our unnamed gay host talks about the progress gays have made in video games?
Hmm. Despite the progress the LGBT community has made in recent years, it seems the video gaming industry still has quite a way to catch up...
And of course, gay parodies of Katy Perry's song "California Girls" have been popping up all over the place:
Sorry about that. Still, while this may not exactly be gay, it hit close to home for this Pennsylvania Boy (though they make no mention of very gay Bucks County):
And then there's this rather hilarious clip from The Second City, "Lesbian Cougars:"
I'm up late after a very pleasant reunion with a dear friend I haven't seen in ages, but I had coffee at 10:00 PM. MISTAKE!
Anyway, while catching up on things, I came across the clip below on Towleroad and was both appalled and delighted by it, and just had to share with y'all. Please enjoy TaMMie Brown's 'Clam Happy!':
How... how rude! Still, take the stupid wig off and I wouldn't kick that boy out of bed for eating crackers.
I'm counting this as a Friday post, because I haven't been to bed yet.
By now, regular readers know that Brit action star Jason Statham is at the top of my obsession list. No, he doesn't have the beautiful good looks of Brandon Routh or even loony-tune Tom Cruise. But damn! -- He is Masculinity personified... All I ask is an hour alone with him... TMI? Maybe. But posts on Caliban's Revenge about hot men are not exactly a priority. In fact, there are only 23 posts in two years with the label "Hot." Still, in my book, they don't come much hotter than Mr. Statham. Of course, aesthetic taste is completely subjective. You may find Jason Statham repulsive, for any number of reasons.
Needless to say, these are all fantasy men, who probably wouldn't give Uncle P the time of day if he passed them in the street. But still... you have to admit they all share an undeniable hotness for any number of reasons. And while Caliban's Revenge may not be one "those" blogs (you know the ones I'm talking about, even if you won't admit to visiting them), when I see something I like, the shrinking violet I am can't help but talk about it.
Such is the case with latest hottie to catch my eye, Isaiah Mustafah, former NFL player and star of Gillette's brilliant "Old Spice" body wash campaign. Isaiah has been all ove the web, posting video responses to Twitter tweets and blog posts about the campaign:
I don't know about ya'll, but I'd have no trouble finding Isaiah in the woods, no matter how he smelled, especially if he was only wearing a towel.
Shane Mercado remains a very tiny footnote in entertainment history for two reasons:
One, he had a viral video hit with his home-video version of Beyonce's "Single Ladies," featuring a scantily-clad Mercado replicating the dance from the video in his own bedroom.
And two, his video was the first-ever "The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week" her on Caliban's Revenge. That's Shane and Gaga's Beyotche, backstage at a concert.
Still, as I found my voice and style (cobbled together with a few things borrowed from other -- often better -- bloggers), Mercado provided me with a running gag/recurring theme and endlessly amusing personal meme, of sorts. I suspect a straight blogger would probably be called on this... unless he or she had already established his/her gay-friendliness. But I digress. Here's the one that started it all in October of '08:
Wow! That's still pretty gay. My next TGTYSTW (that's an odd acronym that needs shortening or abandonment...) post wasn't until the following December and featured a young man playing Stripper in the Shower (until his Mom catches him). Here's MrEladdy in Britney's "Circus:"
Yeah... still pretty darn gay.
The next Gayest Thing post was a clip from the FX series "Nip/Tuck," which has since been removed from YouTube, but features yoga and a gentlemen who wants his *ahem* reduced because he can't stop *woo-hooing* it. Of course, even the straight boys will tell you that if they could, they would...
And I'll be damned if I can find the original (I'm tired), but I know I posted this adorable twink's bathroom Karaoke version of Kelly Clarkson's "I Do Not Hook Up" sometime in there, as well:
So cute! Since then, The Gayest Thing posts have gone on to include plenty of stories, videos and links some might find offensive. And to those people, I say "Get a Life!" Don't like what you see? Change the channel. Visit another website. Leave the theatre.* Close your eyes. Oh, sorry... that's right. They're already closed.
Here are a few more of The Gayest Things I saw and shared over the last few years:
That was Sweet and Low-down...
Have you ever seen 3 more adorable Bears?
Only my favorite Flashmob video ever! It makes me wanna dance!
Oh, Torchwood, how I miss you!
Is it sad that I totally identify with that boy?
Beautiful. But now I want a shave and a haircut...
Most of tonight's post is made up of last night's (far from sloppy) left-overs. I say "most," because I did find one of the items below this afternoon.
And before any of y'all get up in my face, I know that's a ROYGBIV rainbow in the picture of Pegasus, but when I Googled 'gay rainbow unicorn' and found what is literally the antithesis of that phrase, I couldn't not use it. Oh irony, how you mock me. Or something.
Then again, I suppose the rather phallic (not to mention psychedelic) mushrooms do push the whole thing from 'mythological' to 'gay.' By the way, what does a gay Pegasus eat? Haaaa-aaay! I'm here all week. Try the veal and tip your servers.
Anyway, I posted about the rainbow dude the other day and I guess I was right on the cusp of a meme, because yesterday I found a clip that makes the single best use of of AutoTune, ever:
Genius! I'd really love to meet the Rainbow Guy. I mean, how many of us can honestly say we have something that brings us that much insane joy?
Did someone say "creepy photos?" What? Oh, my mistake. Yes, "Pathetic Celebutard Court Video" is very different. The Cult of Celebrity is nothing if not bizarre. We elevate people based on the slimmest of merits, then watch like rabid hyenas as they fall, drooling to tear them apart. I know I've taken plenty of potshots as 'Lilo,' here. I try to stay away from the celebrity gossip, mostly because I despise bloggers like Perez Hilton, who make their money exploiting rumors, innuendo and altered photos. But the once adorable and truly promising child star that was Lindsay Lohan has become a bigger train wreck than Britney and Paris combined. All the stupid bitch needs is a sex tape and she'll win the title... No... I know. Lilo needs a Sassy Gay Friend to pull her from the depths of despair. Honestly, I must admit to a certain sense of schadenfreude when I saw the video of her sentencing; and based on the comments on several websites that carried it (the majority of which were: "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"), so did many millions of others. Still, I can't help be saddened to see another promising young talent throw it all away.
Don't forget, tomorrow is a special 2nd Anniversary Edition of Caliban's Revenge, featuring an updated version of my first ever movie post and a few bonus surprises...
I've always been a fan of guerrilla art. Nothing destructive, of course. Good guerrilla art should be not only provocative, but actually display some talent. I came across this image on the blog LOLGod, which is basically an atheist humor blog that often borders on brilliant.
I can't help but think Darwin would love this piece which appears to be by an artist with whom I am not familiar, KreiBel (a German artist whose work can be viewed here) very much in the style of the elusive British art prankster Bansky. And before you stop reading, no I am not going on another rant about religion and all the terrible things that come from it - there's plenty of evidence for that in the daily headlines (and throughout all of recorded history, for that matter).
No, tonight I am going to talk about art.
Pretentious? No. Good art is never pretentious. Pretentious art is, by definition, bad art. That's not to say all bad art is pretentious. There is plenty of earnest and well-intentioned bad art out there, in all of its forms. And even that has its own merits. But truly good art has to be an honest expression of the artist's intentions, even though those intentions may be interpreted differently by each person who views it. Good art resonates with many people; on many different levels, for many different reasons and in many different ways, but it resonates, none the less. Any and all responses to art are valid, despite one's education or previous exposure to the medium. As the old line goes, "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like."
Art usually holds value to only two people: the artist and the viewer who responds to it. You and I may like the same film, but for different reasons, while any given viewer's response may differ wildly from the artist's intentions. As a director, I often tell actors "There is no 'right' way, but there is most definitely a wrong way, and even the least sophisticated audience member can smell BS a mile away."
I have dozens (if not hundreds) of favorite artists, working in almost any medium you can think of: Painters; sculptors; writers; actors; designers; musicians; singers; composers; directors... the lists go on. If forced to choose a favorite artits, in the way in which most people interpret the word, it would have to be Salvador Dali, the Spanish painter/sculptor/filmmaker who in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, redefined 'art' for his generation. My favorite Dali piece usually resides in the Salvador Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, Florida. It is The Discovery of America by Christopher Columbus.
The painting features a beatific Columbus, Dali's wife as the Virgin Mary and more crosses than I have ever been able to actually count. It is a massive work, easily 15' tall by 10' wide (or more) and speaks to me in a way no other painting, sculpture, film, novel or play ever has - and I have absolutely no idea why. I can spend hours lost in the painting, discovering some new extraordinary detail with each and every viewing. Dali was known for painting in a trance, transposing his trance dreams onto the canvas. I try to do that in my own writing, with limited success, though more than one of screenplays has been born out of a dream.
So, what's the point of this post? I'm not exactly sure, except to maybe remind all of you to find art that inspires you. It can be anything from Neolithic cave paintings, Egyptian hieroglyphs or the Sistine Chapel to "Huckleberry Finn," The Nutcracker or Star Wars. It can even be in an amazing rainbow:
An unusual Saturday Night Quickie here at Cali's R, but I came across a couple of things today that I just had to share and they were far more appropriate here, rather than the Double Z (could I sound more pretentiously hip tonight if I tried? -- And if I do, please free to slap me the next - or first - time you see me*).
Anyhoo, I know it's July and Pride month is over in the U.S., but Pride celebrations are held all over the world all year long and in Madrid, they just had their annual High Heel Race. It's been linked several places, but this clip is from Joe.My.God. I love how the British commentator calls lipstick "lippy.**"
Also via JMG, this hilariously filthy gay sex primer, as explained by mimes (very likely NSFW):
I've watched that clip about 6 times now and it still makes me laugh like an insane hyena on mescaline -- wow, talk about disturbing analogies...
I'm heading over to the Zone in a few minutes. The church carnival thing actually kind of fell apart (it is a holiday weekend, after all), but that's okay. It allowed me to discover an intriguing new NBC show, which I'll be reviewing tomorrow, once I've watched the remaining two episodes OnDemand.
More, anon. Prospero
* You won't believe this, but I found that image by Googling "old Asian woman." Hand to God. Try it for yourself. Go on; I dare ya! I double dog dare ya! Ah... Chicken! (Please... what the hell is wrong with me, tonight?)
Okay - I'll admit it... I have become a Lady Gaga fan. Her often hilarious (and sometimes poignant) lyrics and infectious dance beats combined with her outrageous theatricality - not to mention her outspoken views on LGBT issues - have made her a favorite and I look forward to hearing her next CD, whenever that may be.
And there are endless (and endlessly amusing) parodies of her songs and videos out there. Most of them are quite clever. Some of them are even very good. Many of them, are downright terrible. But Michael K over at dlisted, has found what may be the worst Lady Gaga 'tribute' ever made.
Remember this gem from a few hundred posts ago?
Well, I really think Merna may have actually escaped from the psycho who was holding a gun to her dog's head, gained a few pounds, ironed her hair and managed to get into a community college's Video Production class in order to make the video embedded below. Just a warning, it ain't pretty...
Talk about 'Bad Romance.'
I know that not every theatrical, film or video project with which I've been involved was what one might consider 'good." Some of them were downright awful. None of them, however, approached the craptitude of what you have just witnessed (and thankfully, they all took place before YouTube existed). I don't know if the poor girl is delusional or clueless. And honestly, who are any of us to judge? But, really? As a certain 60's space doctor often said, "Oh, the pain... the pain!"
I know I've been away for a few days, but as the JTMF production of Sordid Lives grows closer (now, just about 3 weeks away), I find myself with less and less time for other things. I'll be posting tomorrow (we have the night off) and have tons to post about on Saturday's Zombie Zone. After that, it will be catch-as-catch-can until after the 27th.
And just a head's up - if you're in the New York area in mid-July, please join me and my friends on Sunday, July 18th at Coney Island for my Birthday Blowout. We're meeting in front of The Cyclone at 1:00. Hope to see you there!
Please forgive your Uncle P if I'm covering a topic I've discussed before, but Vampires are really hot right now and I find myself inundated with promos for books, movies, TV shows and graphic novels that share this common theme.
To your right is a screen grab from the infamously gay (and very hot) video for Lady Gaga's "Teeth," directed by Sergio Cerrone. The original post has since been removed from TouTube, but I just watched it again here. And I've embedded another YouTube version below (though I can't guarantee how long it will be available for viewing). I imagine Gaga herself must have approved of this video. It's certainly in keeping with her style and philosophy.
I don't know exactly who is responsible for the recent rash of vampires in current media. I suspect that the insipid Stephanie Meyer Twilight series has something to do with it, though I have to mention Alan Ball's HBO series "True Blood" and the CW series "The Vampire Diaries" as contributors to the phenomenon. And recent vampire films such as Let the Right One In (and its soon-to-be released American remake Let Me In), Daybreakers and the upcoming Stakeland are also indicative of the trend. Hell - I've even written my own musical version Dracula, called "Children of the Night." I'm still looking for a composer for the show - my original composer bailed because she felt she wasn't up to the task, but the three or four melodies she did write were magnificent.*
Why are vampires so hot right now? I'm not sure. They've never really gone out of style, as far as I can tell. Vampires in modern times have come to be associated with sex, more than horror (and I'm not going to go into the whole psychological associations tonight - I've already done that, and probably will again). Bottom line: times are tough. People are losing their jobs, their homes and their investments. When times are tough, people turn to escapism. Modern vampires represent youth, sex and power - all the things that seem to be slipping away in these turbulent times. If we can hold onto those things forever - so much the better. And unlike their undead brethren, Zombies, Vampires don't seem to have the whole "rotting, stinking, green-blue flesh" thing going on.
Even traditional network TV has jumped on the bandwagon. ABC has a new show premiering next month called "The Gates," starring "Boston Legal" alum Rhona Mitra, about a community of Vampires, Werewolves, Witches and assorted supernatural beasties. Think of it as "Desperate Vampires." Here's a teaser preview:
ABC doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to genre shows - my guilty pleasure of last season, "Eastwick," is a prime example. And the teaser above certainly has a "cheese" factor that doesn't exactly bode well for more than a 12 episode summer run. Still - they may fool me. After all, "Dark Shadows" ran daily for 4 years on ABC Daytime in the late '60's (but don't get me started on the proposed Tim Burton/Johnny Depp movie version).
I suppose that as long as people fantasize about eternal youth, sex and power, vampires will remain a staple of popular culture. And honestly, I can't really imagine people not fantasizing about eternal youth, sex and power. It's only (in)human nature...
Finally, as promised, here's that gay vampire video for "Teeth:"
More, anon. Prospero
*On a side note, if you know someone who might be interested in collaborating as a composer, please let me know.
Read More......
My dear friend and co-worker Mia sent me the below video, knowing I would love it like a son.
My response to her was "I want some of whatever this guy is smoking." Of course, it would have been so much better if she had sent it to me at 4:20, but hey...
Anyway, the video is bizarre, surreal and somehow still hilarious while taking on one of the most infamous urban legends of all time.
I know that Mia and Uncle P will be calling each other "Charlie" for many weeks to come, while our co-workers look at us, scratching their heads and asking themselves "What the hell is up with those two, anyway?" And we'll laugh all that much more, knowing we have confounded them once again.
Meanwhile, we'll just chuckle at our inside joke and hope that no gay stoner unicorns insist we accompany them to Candy Mountain. My organs are NOT for sale, thank you!
Oh, dear. Some one left their Baby Jane Hudson doll at the malt shop. At least I hope that's what happened. Or if not, then I hope the woman in this photo does not have Internet access, because if you Google the word "creepy," hers is one of the first images to come up. What may be even worse, she actually reminds your Uncle Prospero of a woman at his day job (I'll leave it to my co-workers who read this blog to figure who it is, though I am sure they instantly made the connection). Not that I'm being mean here. The woman is actually creepy - crass, tacky and lacking any real social skills (or vocal volume control), the co-worker in question has never once looked me in the eye, no matter how many times I have smiled at her or tried to be friendly.
Still, that photo is only one of three very creepy things I have to share with you, tonight.
The second (via) is a rather controversial video from a New Yorker who noticed that food had begun to disappear from his apartment. After confronting his girlfriend (who denied eating the food) about it, he decided to put a surveillance camera in his kitchen:
From the comments on BoingBoing, a lot of folks think this video is a fake, mostly because the woman leaves her water jug behind when she crawls back into her hidey-hole. I'm not so sure it is a fake. First, it is New York City. There are plenty of loonies in the Big Apple who are more than capable of doing such a thing. Second, she's almost caught when the guy gets up for a drink in the middle of the night. That could be enough to rattle her into leaving the jug behind. And third, even if you are desperate for attention on the Interwebs, why would you go to such lengths to fake such a thing? There are plenty of other ways to get noticed on line. I haven't gone so far as to research the NYPD logs for documentation of this incident, but I think it's the real deal.
Ah, our old friend Pareidolia makes a return with this completely secular image of Shakespeare in a dried blob of toothpaste. Hmm... come to think of it, it kind of looks like Darwin, too. Or my Uncle Cecil after a two-week bender. Or any old fart with a beard.
My favorite instances of pareidolia always seem to involve religious images - The Virgin Mary in a cheese sandwich or Jesus in a dog's butt. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, it's all part of a perfectly natural phenomenon that's been hard-wired into our brains, mostly as a form of self-preservation. Our memories are mostly images. Think back on a particularly wonderful event in your life. You may be remembering bits of conversation, the smell of a wonderful meal or the laughter you shared with a good friend. But I'll bet that most of what you're remembering are images of that experience. Most of us (the blind excluded) experience life visually. It's only natural that our brains should organize our thoughts in the same way. So, when we see something - anything - our brains try to interpret it visually, as well. Thus, a cloud becomes a bunny with fangs or a swirl in a knot of wood becomes the face of Chairman Mao. These occurrences are no more the work of God than they are the work of the Tooth Fairy. They are merely synaptic responses to visual stimuli. Sorry if I burst any bubbles, kids, but it's true.
See? I knew there'd be at least one this month. And of course, it will put me over 31 posts for the month, but I just had to share this bit of fabulousness that is "The Yes Dance" (via):
What? I'm starting with a video? Yes, because this is the Stephen King post (I opened that door last night, might as well close it) and The Talisman is the best King movie that never got made. Based on the novel by King and co-author Peter Straub (who never had luck with film adaptations of his own work - anyone remember Ghost Story? I'm sorry, if you do. It's the scariest book I have ever read, and perhaps the worst adaptation of a novel ever made), that "Demo Clip" by director Mathieu Ratthe looks very much like the images I picture when I read that book. I have read it almost more than any other novel (another Straub, Shadowland is my #1) and it makes me cry every damned time, even though I know what's coming. At this point, of course, Cameron Bright is too old to play the part, but according to IMDb, someone is making a TV version. And my sister and I will be sure to watch it it, albeit 1000 miles apart (unless it airs in May when I'm down there, but I digress).
There are good, bad and mediocre films based on or written by Stephen King. I've been a fan of his since I was 14 (yeah, I was that kid) and have read every book, short story and essay. I've listened to the audiobook-only novel about smoking and seen every version of every film that bears his name (though I can't say the same for their sequels). I am a Loud and Proud Stephen King geek and I am not ashamed to admit it. There! It's out. And I feel so much better. Deal with it, okay?
It's an all clips & links post, folks. The 5 Best and Worst Stephen King Movies. These are my fives, not yours. If I left one or two of yours out, don't sweat it - they're probably in my 10. I just don't want to be up until 2 AM. So, in a "Good News/Bad News" sort of way, let's rip off the band-aid and start with the worst, shall we?
King's first attempt at a screenplay is an anthology based on two previously published short stories ("Quitters, Inc." and "The Ledge") and an original tale, "The General." Hot off her appearance in the semi-successful adaptation of Firestarter, Drew Barrymore was advertised as it's star, even though she was only in Part 3. "Quitters" and "Ledge" both work on paper and while the "Quitters" piece with James Woods is the most effective of the three, none of them are very scary.
There was a time when King wrote under the pseudonym Richard Bachman. It took a King fan with a good eye for style to expose him. Most of "Bachman's" works would not have normally interested me, but Thinner was the one that came out after King had been identified, so of course I read it. It was fun and grimy and creepy and I loved it. And you'd think with a cast that included veterans like Joe Montegna, Kari Whurer and Michael Constantine, it would have been at least entertaining. Sadly, no. Just bad. Next.
Don't feel bad if you don't watch all of that. Tim Matheson and Brooke Adams star in this TV adaptation from director Tom McLoughlin about a man who returns to his hometown, only to haunted by the ghosts of the bullies from his past. The movie does nothing to convey the feeling King's prose brings to the short story.
Frequent TV collaborator Mick Garris directed this Feature from King's original screenplay about strange cat-like creatures (which for some reason fear cats - huh?) which once again has a better cast than it desrves. The stunning Madchen Amick, Ron Perlman, "Charmed" alum Brian Krauss and genre favorite Alice Krige all lend their talents to this rather silly 1992 flick that should have been better than it was.
Dear God, someone let King direct a movie. And not just any movie, but the one based on his really bizarro short story "Trucks." Emilio Estevez is the star and King apparently thought that explosions, car-crashes and gore were all it took to make a good movie. Now, that may not always be far from the truth, but "scare the hell" out of me? Maybe a squirt of two of urine if I were incontinent while laughing (which, you will be glad to know, I am not). Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. All the Lysol in the world couldn't cover the stench of this outhouse craptacular.
One of King's early "Castle Rock" novels, Cujo is the only movie I forgive for changing the novel's original ending. GBIT (Gay Boy in Training) Danny Pintauro was just too cute to kill. And it has Dee Wallace. She was Elliot's mom! Come on! Oh, and a Were-Pekingese.
Damn Frank Darabont for making a movie that makes me cry every time I see it, from a book that makes me cry every time I read it. The Green Mile was originally released as a serial; King's attempt at Dickens, I suppose. I waited to read it until it was published as a complete work. The book is extraordinary and the movie is as close to a perfect adaptation as any.
Darabont again, making my personal favorite King novella into a terrific movie with a far less ambiguous ending than King left us with. Thomas Jane, Andre Braugher and Oscar-winner Marcia Gay Harden give some of the best performances in a horror movie since Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum. And that ending? Dev-es-ta-ting!
I know there's a whole lotta love out there for Frank Darabont's first King adaptation. From this film on, it was clear that Darabont "got" King unlike any other director ever had (even DePalma). It's a good movie, no doubt, with powerful performances from powerhouse actors: Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, Clancy Brown, Gill Bellows and James Whitmore! Whew - can you feel the testosterone? OK, maybe not as much as in a Stallone or Schwarzenegger movie, but them's some fine acting chops, there, let me tell you what! Much like my #1 pick, even folks who are not King fans love this movie, and with good reason: It's a damned fine film.
Yikes! Why, you may ask, is Misery my favorite King movie? It's because (much like Silence of the Lambs), the images created by director Rob Reiner; the performances created by Kathy Bates and James Caan; the brilliant screenplay by William Goldsmith and the amazing supporting cast of Richard Farnsworth, Frances Sternhagen and Her Majesty, Lauren Bacall, watching Misery was like watching the movie that unspooled in my head when I read the book. Bates deservedly won the Oscar (one of the very few awarded to a Horror movie) and every single person in every single audience shrieked in horror during the "hobbling" scene.
Of course, for every and any Horror and/or King fan, this is not by any means a definitive list or ranking of movies either written by or based upon works by Stephen King, and maybe some day, I may be bold enough to attempt such a post (it would probably take me all day), but those are my thoughts for this Shocktober. I'll probably first do a post about King films I either like more than I should (Hearts in Atlantis) or the few that are actually better than the book (The Dead Zone; The Dark Half).
By the way, if you should by any small chance be reading this, Stacie Ponder at FinalGirl, I really started using "Shocktober" before I knew you were. Didn't mean to steal it - to me it seemed kind of obvious. I LOVE your blog and voted for "They Won't Stay Fed!" and I encourage my readers to do so, as well. Hear that, Readers? Click and vote for Stacie's movie. Come on! All the cool kids are doin' it!
