'Haven' or TV's Love/Hate Affair with Stephen King

I have been an ardent fan of author Stephen King since I first read "Carrie" in high school. Set in 1979 (the year I graduated HS), "Carrie" really struck home with me and I eagerly awaited his next book, which turned out to be the vampire thriller " 'Salem's Lot." It was the story of a small town infiltrated by vampires who arrived under the guise of antique dealers (King would again explore antique dealers in "Needful Things").

We all know Carrie would go on to become a film a film that launched the careers of both Brian DePalma and Sissy Spacek; furthered the career of John Travolta and revived the career of Piper Laurie. But 'Salem's Lot would be the first of many TV adaptations of King's works. I can honestly say that King's second novel freaked me out by moving the dusty, Victorian monster to modern America in his own, down-home style. But the television adaptation, directed by none other than Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Poltergeist) left me cold. Basing the design of head-vampire Barlow on German actor Max Schreck's vampire from Nosferatu, Hooper's mini-series turned what I found to be horrifying into something which seemed infinitely silly. It also didn't help that the very bland David Soul (Starsky and Hutch) was cast in the lead. Yawn...

Even the presence of the great James Mason and Bonnie Bedelia didn't help this piece of TV crap.

1990 saw the adaptation of It, starring Tim Curry as the creepiest clown in movie history. Sadly, the mini-series version suffers the same fate as the novel -- the lamest ending in horror history:

"Beep beep, Georgie! Everything floats down here!"

The next year, TV tackled King again, this time in an adaptation of his short story Sometimes They Come Back, about a teacher haunted buy the ghosts of his old high school bullies. Tim Matheson and Brook Adams starred in this not-at-all scary TV movie.

Meh.

1993 saw the TV adaptation of King's The Tommyknockers, about ancient alien forces taking hold of the residents of a small town. Jimmy Smits ("L.A. Law"); Marg Helgenberger ("C.S.I."); replicant Joanna Cassidy and former porn queen Traci Lords starred in this one, which almost got it right, but director John Power somehow missed the mark:

Tommyknockers is the first appearance of King's fictional Maine town of Haven, which I will get to, shortly...

Finally, in 1994, director Mick Garris almost got a King novel right with his four-part mini-series version of King's apocalyptic epic, The Stand. My biggest complaints about The Stand are the horrible miscasting of Laura San Giacomo and Corey Nemic in pivotal roles which would have been better served by almost anyone else. But Gary Sinise; Rob Lowe; Jamey Sheridan; Ruby Dee and the rest of the all-star ensemble are just about right on the money.

I'm not going to bother with the godawful The Langoliers (the less said, the better). Instead, let's talk about Garris' version of The Shining. King fans know that King was less than satisfied with the Stanley Kubrick version of one of his best (and perhaps his actual best) novels. While a fine film, it hardly covers everything that made the novel so brilliant. Mick Garris' 1997 TV version is a bit more faithful to its source material, though television standards still don't allow for everything that made the book so creepy:

There's more, of course. The Canadian TV series based on "The Dead Zone;" the 2002 remake of Carrie; the 2004 remake of Salem's Lot and the proposed mini-series version of "The Talisman," which is undoubtedly my favorite novel of all time. Which brings me to the SyFy original series "Haven." Based on King's short story "The Colorado Kid," the series is the story of FBI agent Audrey Parker (Emily Rose), who comes to the small town in search of an escaped serial killer and stays in search of the woman who may or may not be her mother. The most recent episode revolved around the reanimation of taxidermied animals (and humans). And while my mother said "This is ridiculous," while watching the episode with me, my response was "Of course it is. But that doesn't make it any less entertaining."

There have only been 5 episodes of "Haven," but nonetheless, I find myself intrigued (and entertained). I just hope that subsequent TV versions of King's works can accurately capture his voice and the true creepiness he manages to convey in his novels and short stories. I still have his monumental novel "Under the Dome" to read -- when and if I ever find the time and patience to read a novel again, but I will always be a fan of the talented (despite what literary critics have to say) and prolific author.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Bad to the Bone?

Yup, that's her. Christine; a 1958 Plymouth Fury that came off the assembly line EVIL!!!!! Her original owner and his family all died inside her. She has a hunger for blood, can repair herself and, most magically of all, she can turn a dork into a cool kid. Well, a demonically possessed cool kid, but hey, you can't everything. Where would you put it? And no, lest you think this King-aphile is going on about the Master again, this paragraph is the only time she will be mentioned in this particular post. See, I understood the intention in using "Bad to the Bone" as the movie's theme song (Director John Carpenter composed the actual score, as he does with most of his films), but it in the scary playpen that is my mind, I couldn't help but think how fragile a car made of bone would be. See? Told you it was scary in there. Anyway, enough about Christine. This post is about her steel kith and kin. That's right, folks. Welcome to the Killer Machine Post.

I suppose the earliest killer machine would be the evil robot Futura in Fritz Lang's masterpiece, Metropolis:

For a long time after that, killer machines remained purely Science Fiction - machines that malfunctioned or developed amazing artificial intelligence all on their own (see "V-ger" in Star Trek or Proteus in Demon Seed).

Somewhere along the way, a Horror writer came up with the idea for an actually evil machine. Something either possessed or under the control of an evil force or entity. The first such movie I can remember is Killdozer, a 1974 made-for-TV movie about construction workers who awaken an ancient ET which promptly possesses their bulldozer, killing them one by one. It starred Clint Walker and Robert Urich and it was ridiculous.

Man, that Clint Walker could act! And that scintillating dialog! I posted the shortest clip I could find, in order to spare you its true awfulness.

1977 brought us an even more ridiculous Killer Machine: The Car. It starred the future Mr. Streisand, James Brolin as the Sheriff of a small southwestern town being terrorized by a demonically-powered black sedan. There's some jaw-droppingly bad acting from lots of folks you'll recognize, even if you don't know their names, though many of them must be dead by now (or wish they were).

I love how that car explodes as it rolls onto its roof! And that Honey-glazed acting! That was was actually in theaters, folks.

And I'm sorry, but I have to. The book about that particular car is hardly King's only contribution to the Killer Machine oeuvre. First, there's a silly short story about a possessed industrial laundry press, The Mangler, which was made into an exceptionally awful movie starring Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund and Jamie Gumm himself, Ted Levine. Directed by the genius that once was Tobe Hooper, The Mangler is just pure crap.

And of course, there's the insane short story so badly made the first time (as Maximum Overdrive) that they remade it for TV under its original title, Trucks. Chris Thomson's version is only slightly better than the one King directed.

Hooper is scheduled to make the next Stephen King Killer Machine Movie: From a Buick 8. The novel concerns a car impounded at rural Pennsylvania State Police Barracks that isn't from this world. It's one of the many novels and stories connected to King's alternate universe, The Territories (read The Dark Tower series; The Talisman*; Hearts in Atlantis; Insomnia and Black House*). IMDb lists its release date as 2009, but it's also still listed as "In Production," which means it may never see the light of day. having read the novel, I'm not sure I can see it as a movie, and I've sadly lost all faith in Hooper.

I know there must be more Killer Machine Horror movies out there, and I wish there more better ones. But it's late and I've had a long day. I am finally seeing Paranormal Activity tomorrow night, so my review will be forthwith.

More terrors, anon.
Prospero

*Co-written with Peter Straub

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The 5 Best and Worst Stephen King Movies

What? I'm starting with a video? Yes, because this is the Stephen King post (I opened that door last night, might as well close it) and The Talisman is the best King movie that never got made. Based on the novel by King and co-author Peter Straub (who never had luck with film adaptations of his own work - anyone remember Ghost Story? I'm sorry, if you do. It's the scariest book I have ever read, and perhaps the worst adaptation of a novel ever made), that "Demo Clip" by director Mathieu Ratthe looks very much like the images I picture when I read that book. I have read it almost more than any other novel (another Straub, Shadowland is my #1) and it makes me cry every damned time, even though I know what's coming. At this point, of course, Cameron Bright is too old to play the part, but according to IMDb, someone is making a TV version. And my sister and I will be sure to watch it it, albeit 1000 miles apart (unless it airs in May when I'm down there, but I digress).

There are good, bad and mediocre films based on or written by Stephen King. I've been a fan of his since I was 14 (yeah, I was that kid) and have read every book, short story and essay. I've listened to the audiobook-only novel about smoking and seen every version of every film that bears his name (though I can't say the same for their sequels). I am a Loud and Proud Stephen King geek and I am not ashamed to admit it. There! It's out. And I feel so much better. Deal with it, okay?

It's an all clips & links post, folks. The 5 Best and Worst Stephen King Movies. These are my fives, not yours. If I left one or two of yours out, don't sweat it - they're probably in my 10. I just don't want to be up until 2 AM. So, in a "Good News/Bad News" sort of way, let's rip off the band-aid and start with the worst, shall we?

5. Cat's Eye

King's first attempt at a screenplay is an anthology based on two previously published short stories ("Quitters, Inc." and "The Ledge") and an original tale, "The General." Hot off her appearance in the semi-successful adaptation of Firestarter, Drew Barrymore was advertised as it's star, even though she was only in Part 3. "Quitters" and "Ledge" both work on paper and while the "Quitters" piece with James Woods is the most effective of the three, none of them are very scary.

4. Thinner

There was a time when King wrote under the pseudonym Richard Bachman. It took a King fan with a good eye for style to expose him. Most of "Bachman's" works would not have normally interested me, but Thinner was the one that came out after King had been identified, so of course I read it. It was fun and grimy and creepy and I loved it. And you'd think with a cast that included veterans like Joe Montegna, Kari Whurer and Michael Constantine, it would have been at least entertaining. Sadly, no. Just bad. Next.

3. Sometimes They Come Back

Don't feel bad if you don't watch all of that. Tim Matheson and Brooke Adams star in this TV adaptation from director Tom McLoughlin about a man who returns to his hometown, only to haunted by the ghosts of the bullies from his past. The movie does nothing to convey the feeling King's prose brings to the short story.

2. Sleepwalkers

Frequent TV collaborator Mick Garris directed this Feature from King's original screenplay about strange cat-like creatures (which for some reason fear cats - huh?) which once again has a better cast than it desrves. The stunning Madchen Amick, Ron Perlman, "Charmed" alum Brian Krauss and genre favorite Alice Krige all lend their talents to this rather silly 1992 flick that should have been better than it was.

1. Maximum Overdrive

Dear God, someone let King direct a movie. And not just any movie, but the one based on his really bizarro short story "Trucks." Emilio Estevez is the star and King apparently thought that explosions, car-crashes and gore were all it took to make a good movie. Now, that may not always be far from the truth, but "scare the hell" out of me? Maybe a squirt of two of urine if I were incontinent while laughing (which, you will be glad to know, I am not). Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. All the Lysol in the world couldn't cover the stench of this outhouse craptacular.

Dishonorable Mentions: The Langoliers (which just missed being #5); Children of the Corn; Desperation; The Lawnmower Man (which isn't at all his fault); The Night Flier.

OK. No more bashing. On to my 5 Best Stephen King Movies (and remember, these are mine, not necessarily yours):

5. Cujo

One of King's early "Castle Rock" novels, Cujo is the only movie I forgive for changing the novel's original ending. GBIT (Gay Boy in Training) Danny Pintauro was just too cute to kill. And it has Dee Wallace. She was Elliot's mom! Come on! Oh, and a Were-Pekingese.

4. The Green Mile

Damn Frank Darabont for making a movie that makes me cry every time I see it, from a book that makes me cry every time I read it. The Green Mile was originally released as a serial; King's attempt at Dickens, I suppose. I waited to read it until it was published as a complete work. The book is extraordinary and the movie is as close to a perfect adaptation as any.

3. The Mist

Darabont again, making my personal favorite King novella into a terrific movie with a far less ambiguous ending than King left us with. Thomas Jane, Andre Braugher and Oscar-winner Marcia Gay Harden give some of the best performances in a horror movie since Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum. And that ending? Dev-es-ta-ting!

2. The Shawshank Redemption

I know there's a whole lotta love out there for Frank Darabont's first King adaptation. From this film on, it was clear that Darabont "got" King unlike any other director ever had (even DePalma). It's a good movie, no doubt, with powerful performances from powerhouse actors: Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, Clancy Brown, Gill Bellows and James Whitmore! Whew - can you feel the testosterone? OK, maybe not as much as in a Stallone or Schwarzenegger movie, but them's some fine acting chops, there, let me tell you what! Much like my #1 pick, even folks who are not King fans love this movie, and with good reason: It's a damned fine film.

1. Misery

Yikes! Why, you may ask, is Misery my favorite King movie? It's because (much like Silence of the Lambs), the images created by director Rob Reiner; the performances created by Kathy Bates and James Caan; the brilliant screenplay by William Goldsmith and the amazing supporting cast of Richard Farnsworth, Frances Sternhagen and Her Majesty, Lauren Bacall, watching Misery was like watching the movie that unspooled in my head when I read the book. Bates deservedly won the Oscar (one of the very few awarded to a Horror movie) and every single person in every single audience shrieked in horror during the "hobbling" scene.

Honorable Mentions: Creepshow; Christine; Pet Sematary; Delores Claiborne; Apt Pupil and (God help me, but I liked it) Dreamcatcher.

Of course, for every and any Horror and/or King fan, this is not by any means a definitive list or ranking of movies either written by or based upon works by Stephen King, and maybe some day, I may be bold enough to attempt such a post (it would probably take me all day), but those are my thoughts for this Shocktober. I'll probably first do a post about King films I either like more than I should (Hearts in Atlantis) or the few that are actually better than the book (The Dead Zone; The Dark Half).

By the way, if you should by any small chance be reading this, Stacie Ponder at FinalGirl, I really started using "Shocktober" before I knew you were. Didn't mean to steal it - to me it seemed kind of obvious. I LOVE your blog and voted for "They Won't Stay Fed!" and I encourage my readers to do so, as well. Hear that, Readers? Click and vote for Stacie's movie. Come on! All the cool kids are doin' it!

More terrors, anon.

Prospero

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They're All Gonna Laugh at You!

You may be wondering why, in a post that about one of the few really good movies based on a Stephen King novel, I didn;t use this more iconic image. Two reasons: That second image is overworked and this shot of Sissy Spacek says volumes more about the movie. It comes near the very end of the movie, so I don't want to talk about it too much, right now. I'll get there.

Let's talk, instead, about how director Brian DePalma, who, despite all the flashy camera work and split screens (which work so beautifully in this movie, by the way), allows Carrie to be about the characters and their stories. And he was smart enough to allow his amazing (almost all-female) cast to just do their thing. In fact, Carrie may well be the first modern Feminist Horror Movie, ever. Warning: There be massive spoilers ahead. If you've never seen Carrie (and again, shame on you if you haven't), you may want to skip the embedded clips.

Ok, the movie does have John Travolta and William Katt, who are both fine actors, but they are actually tertiary characters in this story of feminine sexual repression and it's consequences. The boys in this movie are merely pawns of the bitch and the good girl, both manipulating their respective boyfriends to do their parts in the debacle that is to come at the Prom. Even the School Principal is a befuddled oaf who can't remember Carrie's name (he keeps calling her "Cassie" until she snaps and his coffee cup breaks all by itself). The other boys are simply goofballs and comic foils who have little screen time and exist only because boys do.

So, what about the vast cast of female powerhouses? Well, there's our villainess, Chris (the future ex-Mrs. DePalma, Nancy Allen). She's the one who starts the "Plug it up!" chant when Carrie gets surprised by her first menses in the girls' shower. Punished when caught and then banned from the prom when she won't take the punishment, Chris builds a campaign of hate towards Carrie that rivals few in in Evil Bitch history. She uses sex to get her boyfriend, Billy Nolan (Travolta) into killing the pig and rigging the bucket of blood above the stage.

Then there's the well-meaning gym teacher, Miss Collins (Betty Buckley). It's Miss Collins who comes to the rescue when Carrie is being terrorized by the other girls and Miss Collins who encourages Carrie to try to fit in and make friends. And poor Sue Snell (Amy Irving). She feels so guilty about being so mean, she uses the promise of sex to get The Greatest American Hero to take Carrie to the prom. And let's not forget about Chris' Posse (insert your own cat joke, here) of hateful High School Bitches, including the underrated Edie McClurg (who would go on to greater fame as Grace, the school secretary in Ferris Bueller's Day Off) and 80's 'Scream Queen' P.J. Soles (Halloween; Stripes).

I know... I'm getting there. But Carrie, herself, has to come first. Raised by a single, fanatically religious mother; sheltered from reality and beaten into believing, Carrie knows it's not just her social retardation that makes her different. She's always know it. In the novel, King talks about an episode of rocks falling from the sky when Carrie was a child. Her father long gone (according to her mother, he was an alcoholic sinner, though it's more likely he couldn't take his wife's brand of crazy, anymore), Carrie obviously didn't go to school in the same district I did, because one day in 5th grade, all the girls went to see a movie in the gymnatorium and the the boys got an extra recess. Maybe her mom kept her home that day. Whatever the reason, her ignorance is the trigger that turns her powers on. Or more literally, just as a woman's first visit by her 'Friend from Redbank' (that's what my Mom grew-up calling it) signifies the "on" switch for procreation, so does it trigger the "on" switch for her telekinesis. Suddenly, she has power and can assert herself. She accepts Tommy's invitation, defies her mother for the first time ever (even restraining her on the bed with her mind) and goes to the Prom, with her mother's words echoing in her head: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" And we all know how that turned out. But really, what can one expect when you break the painfully shy girl's back with a bath in pig's blood?

Finally, there is Carrie's mother, Margaret White (the incomparable Piper Laurie). Bat-shiat crazy doesn't begin to describe Margaret White. Blinded to reality by her fanatical Pentecostal beliefs, Margaret's guilt over having enjoyed sex with her husband has made her devote her life to raising a sinless child. When biology catches up with Carrie, Margaret is sure it's because she's sinned and locks her up in a close with a creepy, day-glo-eyed statue of the crucifixion of St. Sebastion. Maragret pulls her hair and flagellates herself; she covers nearly inch of her skin and calls Carrie's breasts 'dirty pillows.' It's no wonder that when Carrie finally takes her out, it's with tremendous irony:

(I wish that clip included the original score and sound, but it was teh only one I could find that wasn't 8 years long).

Of course, even sole-survivor Sue Snell may have gone crazy, by the end. Starting a craze that lasted for a very long time, DePalma tacks on an epilogue dream-sequence that made every one who saw it for the first time nearly pee their pants:

And that's where the above image comes in to play. Scared, confused and still feeling the height of powers, Spacek's face in that shot is filled with more emotions than I can count. Both Spacek and Laurie were nominated for Oscars for their remarkable performances, though in true genre fashion, neither won. But pretty much everyone brings their A game to the table. Sadly, Ms. Buckley went on to star as Margaret White in the ill-fated Broadway musical version, Carrie White aka Carrie: The Musical. Now whoever would have guessed that a serious musical of this story would have failed? Sadly, a camp production of the show will never be, as King has had his attorneys seal up the rights forever and ever, Amen.

And of course, Carrie and her classmates attend "Bates High School." And we all know who Norman Bates loved above anyone. So who wins here? No one, obviously. The villainess and her thugs are dead; The Greatest American Hero, the gym teacher and the mom are dead. Indeed, the title character is dead. Christ! I just realized that Carrie is the female Hamlet with Amy Irving as Horatio. OK, maybe not. But it is an interesting treatise on the feminine power. Plus, it's a damn good ride!

On a personal note, here are two odd stories about the first time I saw Carrie:

In 1976, I was not old enough to drive, but I looked old enough to get into an 'R' rated film. At the time, there was the Eric Theaters chain in the Philly area and they had recently converted all their theaters into twins (the precursors to today's multiplexes). In the other auditorium, an 'X' rated porno called "Tarzan" was playing. I went to the box-office and asked "One, please." The bored ticket girl, without batting an eye, asked "For which movie?" At 15, I was sorely tempted to try my luck, but I had read the book and really wanted to see Carrie, so I didn't. Instead, I saw the movie and ate it up like delicious horror-movie candy corn and went outside to wait to be picked up (remember - I wasn't old enough to drive).

Also waiting to picked up was a fellow a bit older than I, maybe in his late 20's. He was obviously the kind of social misfit King was writing about, but I was stuck and kind of had to acknowledge it when he said "Some movie, huh?"

"Yeah. It was great," I said.

"They have that, you know."

"What?"

"The Government. They have people who can do that stuff."

In my mind, I'm thinking "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..." but I say aloud, "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. They're trainin' 'em to kill the Russians."

I was never so happy to see my mother in my life as I was at that moment. Of course, he may have known something, after all:

There is a dreadful sequel to Carrie that is not worth mentioning and a TV remake that doesn't really work quite as well, though is slightly more faithful to the book. Still, nothing will beat sitting in a darkened theater and seeing Carrie for the first time.

We'll talk again about King films. Some are actually very good: The Frank Darabont Trilogy -- The Shawshank Redemption/The Green Mile/The Mist -- ; Stand by Me; Misery; Pet Semetary. Some are pretty good: The Stand (the best of the made-for-TV King movies from director Mick Garris); 1408; Apt Pupil; Creepshow. Some are just OK: It (ruined, as is the novel, by a stupid ending); Christine; Firestarter. Some are downright awful: Maximum Overdrive; Thinner; Desperation (the worst of the made-for-TV King movies from director Mick Farris). But those are for another post.

Tonight is all about King's first published novel, rescued from the trash by his loving wife and made into the movie that cemented the careers of both Brian DePalma and Sissy Spacek, Not bad for 1976.

More terrors, anon.
Prospero

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