And it's not just movie posters that are being faked these days. Entire trailers and even almost entire fake movies are being made, though if they exist, I suppose they aren't exactly fake, are they? Still folks are putting lots of effort into making trailers for movies that don't exist (at least not yet). Point in case - Michael Deak, a former makeup and effects artist has a YouTube channel for his fake B-movie trailers, which I found thanks to the wackos over at BoingBoing. Here's a prime example of his work, the trailer for The Long Dead Smell (which is probably one of the most hilarious movie titles, ever):
Then there are the folks who do "mash-up" trailers, combining existing material from different movies to create a trailer for an altogether different non-existent movie, like this one for Vampire the Masquerade:
And then there are the full-on joke trailers, such as this one for The Mystery Guest:
Or Titanic: The Sequel:
And there's this painstakingly created trailer for a live-action version of the animated series "Thundercats," which I am sure I have posted before:
Still, Entertainment Weekly may well have found the most brilliant fake movie of all time. The good folks at College Humor have discovered that editing all the McBain scenes featured in "The Simpsons" actually add up to an almost complete movie, with rather hilarious results:
While I may prefer real movies to fake ones, I am almost in awe of the film fans who have both the time and resources to create these tributes to a truly American art form. And I look forward to the day when I can post a real trailer for a movie made from one of my own screenplays.
Okay - enough whining about the weather and the lack of sunlight. It's time to talk about one of my favorite subjects - movies. There are tons of movies I am really excited about in the upcoming year, several of which are scheduled for the next couple of months.
Most of them are genre pictures and I am not above admitting they are the ones to which I am most looking forward. That's probably because genre pictures have the highest level of escapism. Whether its vampires (NOT sparkly wimpy ones); werewolves; aliens; monsters; superheroes or mad science, I am a sucker for all things Fantasy, Sci-Fi and/or Horror. Of course, that doesn't men they will all be worth seeing. If you read my recent review of Season of the Witch (a movie I was really looking forward to seeing), you'll know I'm not an easily satisfied genre junkie.
So, what does look good to Uncle P in the coming months? Let's take a peek, shall we?
February 11 sees The Eagle with Channing Tatum and Jamie Bell in what is sure to be a homoerotic Sword and Sandals epic about a roman soldier and his hot young slaveboy:
And February 25th brings another insane Nic Cage movie, which could be either awful or insanely brilliant, Drive Angry. Cage plays a man who literally escapes from hell to save his granddaughter from the men who killed him and her mother. William Fitchner, Amber Heard and David Morse co-star:
Also on March 11th is Red Riding Hood, covering much the same material as Neil Jordan's The Comapny of Wolves, this time directed by Twilight's Catherine Hardwicke and starring Amanda Seyfried, Lukas Haas and Gary Oldman:
March 18th brings us director Greg Mottola's Paul starring Nick Frost and Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) in the story of two slackers who encounter an alien on their way to ComicCon:
March 18 is the scheduled premiere for Love, a Sci-Fi epic from director William Eubank about an astronaut stranded alone aboard the International Space Station after the apocalypse:
And March 25th brings us the movie to which I am most looking forward to seeing this spring, Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch, starring Abby Cornish as a young woman who must use her imagination to escape the insane asylum to which she has wrongly been consigned. Say what you will about Synder's films, no other director working today (with the possible exception of Christopher Nolan) has his particular eye for astonishing visuals:
And other upcoming films I'm excited to see:
Super 8 (6/10/11):
Green Lantern (6/17/11):
Captain America (7/22/11):
Cowboys and Aliens (7/29/11):
And some others for which trailers have yet to be posted: Anonymous(9/30/11); 11/11/11 (11/11/11 - obviously); Fright Night(11/13/11): Immortals (11/11/11) and Hugo Cabret(12/09/11).
Remember, all release dates are subject to change at the whim of the lunatic accountants who now run Hollywood. I'll be posting my reviews as I see them.
So, the Oscar Nominations were announced yesterday. I, like many film fans out there, am stunned by some of the glaring omissions on the Academy's list this year.
First and foremost, Christopher Nolan (L) was not nominated for Best Director for Inception, despite the movie's nominations for Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay. Really? Did this "Best Picture" nominee direct itself? It certainly didn't write itself. Inception was also snubbed for a Best Editing nod. I ask anyone who has seen the film: How did the amazing last 40 minutes of it come together so brilliantly? Was it luck? Or maybe magic. I think not.
Also ignored: Matt Damon in True Grit. This was really a slap in the face for an actor who has grown by leaps and bounds in every film he's in. His performance as Texas Ranger LeBeouf was one of his best ever. And since I'm already talking about True Grit, why was the amazing young Hailee Steinfeld nominated as Best Supporting Actress? As in the Charles Portis novel, the Coen Brothers' film was the story of Mattie and her journey, where Rooster and LeBeouf are the supporting characters. Surely Steinfeld deserves to be recognized for her amazing debut, but she was the leading actress in the movie, not a supporting player.
My mother, bless her, has complained for many years that the Oscars are no longer really about 'The Best" but rather about the studios who spend the most money promoting their nominees. And sadly, I am inclined to agree with her. I mean, come on... Crash won over Brokeback Mountain? A serious reality check is needed among Academy voters. Hey AMPASS members - 'Gay' no longer equals 'Evil' and 'Excellent' still equals 'Excellent.'
At the risk of repeating myself, here are the trailers for 10 nominees for Best Picture:
May the actual Best nominees win!
My predictions, anon (though as always, I advise against betting on my predictions....)
Blogger Jonco at Bits and Pieces posted a link to this story on UGO about the Worst Actors of All Time (which is limited to men and therefore doesn't include the truly dreadful Jennifer Aniston, but still manages to omit the even worse Gerard Butler). The post got me thinking about bad movies, in general. But not bad, cheap indies like Troll 2 or Manos: Hands of Fate, which exist in their own MST3K category. No, I'm talking about Major Studio, big budget stinkers that have no business existing.
Let's get started, shall we?
The first on my list is the 1976 Dino DeLaurentiis production of King Kong, starring Jeff Bridges, Charles Grodin and Jessica Lange who makes a rather ignominious debut as an actress named Dwan, who is rescued an oil freighter that finds a giant gorilla instead of the oil it's looking for (huh?). DeLaurentiis notably said "Everybody gonna cry when my Kong die." We did, but they were tears of laughter. He even campaigned to have make-up artist Rick Baker nominated as Best Actor for his performance in the ridiculous ape costume. Directed by John Guillerman (The Towering Inferno; Death on the Nile), the movie is most notable for its terrible acting and even worse special effects.Thankfully, both Bridges and Lange would survive this turkey and go on to Oscar-winning careers. Sadly, this was also the last movie my father, mother, sister and I ever saw as a family. We were all equally excited and disappointed by its cheesiness.
Of course, I've already discussed George Lucas' disastrous Howard the Duck, but a post about the worst movies ever wouldn't be complete without it. Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones and Tim Robbins star in one of Hollywood's worst stinkers, ever.
And since I'm already talking about genre movies, let's add Hugh Jackman in 2004's Van Helsing, a movie that held so much potential but which ended up being a ridiculous, noisy and over-used CGI pile of crap.
Good actors make bad movies on occasion, but it's truly sad when a good actor's last film is as terrible as Raul Julia's last movie, 1994's Streetfighter. Based a video game (never a good idea), Streetfighter features Julia as the dictator of a country named Shadaloo (that's sounds perfectly plausible) and Jean-Claude Van Damme as the hero. Pee-yew!
Of course, not all bad big budget films were made in the last 30 years, Take 1963's Cleopatra, starring acting legends Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and Rex Harrison. Still one of the most expensive movies ever made when adjusted for inflation, Joseph L. Mankeiwicz' epic is an epic fail, by any standard.
And since we're talking Hollywood royalty and bad films, let's not forget Paul Newman's debut film The Silver Chalice, a completely crappy Biblical story for which Newman would later publicly apologize.
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. I'll talk more about these and other films during November's "Turkey Month" posts. And I'll be adding links to this post soon, so you see more of these films' crapitude.
I took myself to the movies today to finally see Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky's psychological thriller set in the world of professional ballet. While I am hardly a dancer by any means, I did spend four seasons acting for the NYC Ballet and have performed in that magnificent Lincoln Center theatre, so I'd like to think I have a little insight into the subject matter.
Ballet dancers are very unlike actors in that while they understand technique and performance, they have no clue as to how to access character. And such is the problem with Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman), a featured soloist who so very much covets the role of the Swan Queen in the company's upcoming production of 'Swan Lake.' Company director Thomas (Vincent Cassel) sees great promise in Nina, whose technique is nearly perfect, but who has no idea how to access the passion required to dance the role in which she has been cast.
That may well be because her insanely over-protective passive-aggressive mother (Barbara Hershey) has kept her sheltered in their cramped apartment for most of her life. When new dancer Lily (Mila Kunis) joins the company, the stakes are raised and Nina begins to push herself harder than ever. So hard, in fact, that she becomes obsessed to the point-of-no-return.
Nina soon begins to exhibit signs of instability, starting with a series of scratches on her back and leading to... well, see the movie for yourself. Needless to say, Nina's descent into madness is a harrowing thing to watch. It doesn't help that the company's bitter former Prima Ballerina (Winona Ryder) attempts suicide, resulting in an ugly wound to her leg which ensures she'll never dance again.
Portman's performance here is simply breathtaking and she certainly deserves every accolade she's been given, including last night's Golden Globe win. It actually saddens me that her follow-up is in what looks like a completely lame romantic comedy, No Strings Attached. Cassel is appropriately creepy as the pompous director and Kunis has come a long way from her "That 70's Show" roots, embodying the role of the calculating upstart in a dance version of All About Eve. Hershey gives the most over-the-top performance as the smothering Mother From Hell. Ryder isn't given much to do other than to play bitter, but she does so with a certain panache only she could bring to the role. Aronofsky's direction is spot on, even if he is a bit heavy-handed with the black & white imagery and the proliferation of swan figures in as many scenes as he could manage. One can only imagine how much darker (and it's pretty dark) this film could have been in the hands of say, David Fincher or Christopher Nolan. **** (Four Out of Four Stars). Black Swan is rated "R" for Strong Sexual Content.
And now on to the second part of this post - Movie-Going Etiquette:
I may well have enjoyed this film much more than I did if it weren't for the neanderthal seated directly to my left. The auditorium was crowded because it was both a holiday and Portman's win at the Golden Globes. The person (I refuse to use the word 'gentleman') seated on my left was the worst kind of movie patron. He spent the first half of the film grunting and snorting his way through his bag of popcorn, poking me in the ribs with his elbow every time he reached into his bag. He gabbed to his companion constantly, commenting on the movie and questioning things he didn't understand. When he finally set his empty popcorn bag on the floor, he made much of wiping his hands on about a dozen napkins, before toting out his Smartphone to check his messages.
So - a note to movie-goers everywhere. YOU ARE NOT AT HOME! You are sharing a film experience with people who have paid the same amount as you to see a movie. The rest of us don't care what you think (or don't understand) about the film. We don't want to listen to you eating like a sow at the trough; we don't want to be poked by your elbow or blinded by the light from your phone. We want to see the movie without you intruding on it like some annoying gopher spoiling our gardens. If you cannot be civil in public, then stay home and burp and fart your way through movies on DVD or Pay Per View. We paid to see a movie, not listen to your bodily functions.
Rant over. If you have yet to see Black Swan, then I urge you to do so. It's certainly one of the most disturbing and brilliant films you'll see in a long time. Just try to see it as far away from an idiot as you can.
Well, after several days of sleeping like I've been bitten by a tsetse fly, I'm starting to feel like myself again. If you have the nasty cold that's been going around the last few weeks, I sympathize completely and hope you feel better soon. Anyway, finally feeling better, I decided it was time to get back to my 'Best of the Decade' series before the decade actually ends (well, at least before the end of the month).
So, without further ado, Uncle P's picks for the Best Fantasy Movies of the Decade:
10. Monsters, Inc. (2001)
Pixar's only entry on this list is also one of their most delightfully silly movies. Monsterland powers itself on fear and scaring little kids is what Sully (John Goodman) and his buddy Mike (Billy Crystal) do best. That is until Sully stumbles upon the closet of a little girl too young to scare. When Boo (the name Sully gives her) crosses over, all sorts of silly nonsense ensues, including a brilliant homage to a Warner Brothers' classic:
Monsters, Inc. is sweet, scary, exciting and a pure delight.
9. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh star in director Ang Lee's Chinese fairy tale about a magical jade sword, unrequited love and flying martial arts. It set a new standard in wire-flying stunts and proved Michelle Yeoh could make us understand everything she was thinking without understanding a word she was saying. Originally written in English and translated into Mandarin, Crouching Tiger... is a visual and romantic feast. You may want to turn down the volume - or do your best to ignore the terrible English dubbing - for this gorgeous fight scene among the treetops of a bamboo forest:
8. Enchanted (2007)
Disney finally embraces its ridiculousness in this story of a an animated princess (Amy Adams in an Oscar-worthy performance) who is sent to the real world by a jealous evil queen (Susan Sarandon), where she meets the true love of her life (Patrick Dempsey). James Marsden, Idina Menzel and Timothy Spall round out the excellent supporting cast in this delightful parody with heart:
7. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban ( 2004)
I must admit that I'm not much of a Harry Potter fan. I find the books derivative and just a bit too cutsie, especially when it comes to Rowling's bad puns in naming characters and places. Still, director Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men) managed to produce a dark and scary movie with his entry in the series, elevating it from kiddie schlock to artful fantasy in the process (to be honest, this is the last film I saw in the series, as Rowling's rambling story simply couldn't hold my interest):
6. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)
In his second film based on the Darkhorse Comics character, Guillermo del Toro amps up the visual effects to the point where watching it on the big screen almost tires one's eyes out. When an ancient tribe of magical beings attempts to retake the Earth, it's up to hellboy (Ron Perlman) and company to stop them. An astonishing film to watch, which requires multiple viewings in order to take everything in:
5. The Illusionist (2006)
Writer/Director Neil Burger's stunning love story about a poor boy in love with an aristocrat is shot in sepia tones and irising transitions, giving the audience the feeling they are actually witnessing events taking place in the 19th Century. Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, Jessica Biel and Rufus Sewell star in this lush, romantic tale that deserves more love than it gets:
4. Stardust (2007)
Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite modern fantasists, and his novel is beautifully translated by director Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass) in this near-perfect fairy tale starring Clare Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert DeNiro, Mark Strong and the adorable Charlie Cox. Sadly ignored at the box-office, I think Stardust was the victim of poor marketing. It deserves to be seen and loved as much as I love it:
3. The Prestige (2006)
Christopher Nolan made my favorite film of 2010 (Inception) as well as the best superhero movie, ever. So it's no surprise that his tale of rival magicians at the turn of the last century should land so high on this list. Featuring Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Scarlett Johansson, Michael Caine and David Bowie, The Prestige is a story about competition, revenge, love and weird science, all told in the way only Nolan could tell it. Complex, moving and deliberately confusing (as the best magic tricks always are), The Prestige required at least two viewings before I could decide where my sympathies lied. A smart and breathtaking movie, The Prestige is another under-appreciated gem that deserves more fans:
2. Pan's Labyrinth (2006)
Guillermo del Toro makes his second appearance on this list with his dark fantasy about a young girl trying to escape the horrors of both Franco's regime and her stepfather's cruelty. Another movie my dear K hated because of its depictions of man's inhumanity to man, Pan's Labyrinth is a hauntingly beautiful meditation on how far we can go to rid ourselves of both physical and psychological pain. It is also one of the few films I can remember seeing that featured a scene which raised a collective gasp from every member of the audience. A stunning masterpiece from a director at the top of his game:
1. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001 - 2003)
Kiwi director Peter Jackson managed to turn J.R.R. Tolkien's supposedly 'unfilmable' epic tale and caught our collective imaginations in doing so. I hope I don't need to tell how truly amazing these films are (or attempt to summarize their collective plots). Gorgeous and exciting, TLOR's last film, 2003's The Return of the King is the only film to win every Oscar for which it was nominated (including Best Picture), and tied both Ben Hur and Titanic for most Oscars won at 11. Let's hope Jackson's 2 movie version of Tolkien's prequel The Hobbit, fares as well:
Honorable mentions: King Kong (2005); Howl's Moving Castle: Amelie; Pirates of the Caribbean; Shrek; Big Fish.
First, I must address something my sister brought up about last night's posts on the Best TV Shows of the Decade by saying she was shocked that I hadn't included "Fringe" on the list. While I do believe it is currently one of the best shows on TV, and should have at least been given an 'Honorable Mention' (something I'm adding to tonight's list), in a Top Ten list, there should only be 10. And while I could have placed it in a tie with another show, I don't think that would have been fair to either one. Of course, my sister has yet to actually comment here, rather than send me an email so maybe we'll wait to share her thoughts until she shares them herself...
Anyway, as promised, below are my picks for the Best Horror Movies of the Decade. That's not to say that all of them scared me. It takes an awful lot to actually scare Uncle P, and that hasn't happened in a very long time. But many of them either disturbed or unnerved me. All of them were exceptionally entertaining, for any number of reasons.
I know I have lots of Horror Fan readers. I hope you agree (but won't be in the least slighted if you don't). Here we go:
10: Saw (2004)
Yes, Saw. The franchise may have devolved into ridiculously convoluted parodies of itself, but the original from Australian writers James Wan and Leigh Whannell was exceptionally well-done and featured a twist ending that actually surprised yours truly, something M. Knight Shamalamdingdong has never been able to do. Directed by Wan and featuring a truly diverse cast which includes Cary Elwes; Danny Glover; Dina Myer; Monica Potter; Shawnee Smith and "Lost" alums Ken Leung and Michael Emmerson, Saw deserved all the attention it got at Sundance. Sadly, it didn't deserve any of its increasingly lame sequels.
9: Zombieland (2009)
While hardly the the first comedy to take on the genre, Zombieland gets extra points for its out-and-out ballsiness. Jesse Eisenberg; Woody Harrelson; Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin are having a ball as a group of survivors in search of a fabled "Zombie-Free Zone" at an amusement park in southern California. And I won't even get into the gut-bustingly funny cameo by Bill Murray.Warning: Here there be 'Evil You Know Whats' that sent Dear D into a fetal position in the corner of his seat. "Nut up or shut up!"
8: Slither (2006)
So many reasons to love this movie: gorgeous Nathan Fillion ("Castle;" "Firefly"); hot Elizabeth Banks (almosy every thing her husband Judd Apatow, directed); hilarious Gregg Henry ("The Gilmore Girls" and who should totally play Chance's father on "Human Target") and Michael Rooker ("The Walking Dead"); bad 80's horror homage; a billion and four jokes and the best line since Dead Alive* - "Somethin's wrong with me..." When a slug-like alien invades a small Southern town, the resulting zombie/alien/gross-out fun is as over-the-top as it gets. Writer/Director James Gunn wrote the screenplay to Zack Snyder's 2004 excellent remake of Dawn of the Dead.
7: The Devil's Rejects (2005)
Rocker turned director Rob Zombie's sequel to his debut film, House of 1000 Corpses, is as brutal and nasty as they come. An homage to 70's horror, The Devil's Rejects is a tale of revenge more than anything; has some of the most disturbing scenes in any movie; an amazing performance from Leslie Easterbrook and lunatics as only Sid Haig and Bill Mosely could portray them. Oh, yeah. it will forever change what you think about when you hear "Freebird."
6: The Mist (2007)
Frank Darabont has been one of the very directors to right by Stephen King. His versions of The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile are nearly flawless (I can't watch The Green Mile without bawling like a baby, no matter how many times I've seen it), so it's no wonder his adaptation of my favorite King short story is on this list. After an "incident" takes place at a military facility, a strange mist envelops the small town below, trapping a group of neighbors in the local grocery as unimaginable creatures roam outside, mostly unseen. Creepy and fun, The Mist features hottie Thomas Jane, Darabont favorites Laurie Holder and Jeffrey DeMunn (both in "The Walking Dead") and Marcia Gay Harden in a performance that would have been nominated if it wasn't in a horror movie. And Darabont's disturbing ending is actually far more effective than King's, which was completely ambiguous.
5: The Descent (2005)
Claustrophobic; terrifying; original... just a few words that describe British director Neil Marshall's Sophomore effort. A group of adventure-loving gals gather a year after a tragedy to continue their annual rite, this time caving in West Virginia. A cave-in leaves them trapped in an unexplored system where they soon find out that they are not alone. Grim, gory and tension-filled, The Descent should be seen in its original version, rather than the U.S. theatrical cut.
4: The Others (2001)
Taking a cue from classics like the original version of The Haunting and The Innocents, Spanish writer/director Alejandro Amenabar creates an atmospheric and creepy ghost tale about a war-widow (Nicole Kidman in an exceptional performance) and her photosensitive children. I may have figured out the movie's twist long before the reveal, but the reveal itself was so well done that I forgave its transparency. Creepy and unnerving without a single drop of blood or CGI demon, The Others is the kind of horror movie directors should aspire to make.
3: Trick 'r Treat (2007)
Michael Dougherty's massively entertaining anthology interweaves four stories that take place during a Midwestern town's Halloween celebration. Urban legends; werewolves; vampires; serial killers and a particularly nasty little fellow called Peeping Tommy all add up to one of a fun movie. The movie garnered festival raves, but never saw a theatrical release, making many genre fans (myself included) rabid to see it. When it finally came out on DVD in 2008, we weren't disappointed in the least. Word is, Dougherty is peparing a sequel, which will actually in theaters. I, for one, can't wait.
2: Let the Right One In (2008)
The Swedish adaptation of John Alvide Lyndqvist's novel about a vampire in sheep's clothing is both stylish and atmospheric. Like Matt Reeve's American take (Number 2 on my Best of 2010), it's a quiet film that lets the evil ooze through its cracks, while creating sympathetic characters with whom we can relate. A stunner.
1: Drag Me to Hell (2009)
I'll admit I may be prejudiced by the circumstances under which I first saw this film (shared with a group of people whom I love dearly and who all had such a good time together that night), but Sam Raimi's return to the genre that made him the director he is today is an outrageous, disgusting, hilarious and relentless rollercoaster of a movie that holds up (and actually gets better) after multiple viewings. Gorgeous Allison Loman and adorable Justin Long are the young couple beset by forces beyond their control and character actress Lorna Raver is the disgusting hag who sets things in motion. Raimi pulls out all the stops and delivers what is certainly the most entertaining horror movie of the decade.
Honorable Mentions:
Grace; 30 Days of Night; Let Me In; 28 Days Later; Shaun of the Dead; May; Cabin Fever; Planet Terror; Dawn of the Dead (2004); High Tension.
*Which still holds the title for Best Line in a Horror Movie with: "Your mother ate my dog!"
So, what do you think? Give me your picks in a comment. I always love hearing from you!
Well, it's been quite a while since I've done a 'Forgotten Gems' post, and this is a movie I've been meaning to talk about for a while, but just never got around to, for some reason.
Knotts plays Luther Heggs, a lowly typesetter at a small town newspaper who dreams of being a real reporter. When the 20th anniversary of the town's most infamous murder/suicide rolls around, Luther is finally given his big break - he is assigned to spend the night in the 'murder house,' where the ghost of Mr. Simmons has been reported to be heard playing the organ at midnight. Luther is terrified and has a horrible night, but his account is a sensation and the paper sells more copies than it ever has. Until he's sued by the Simmons' only heir for libel and made to look like the fool he is in court. It doesn't help that he's in love with a gal completely out of his league or that his 'mail order karate lessons' are just ridiculous. And I don't know about you, but a night in this house would surely freak me out:
The only other name you might recognize in the cast is Dick Sargent (best known as the second Darren on "Bewitched") but there are plenty of 50's and 60's character actors you'll recognize like Reta Shaw (Mary Poppins); Sandra Gould (the 2nd Mrs Crabtree on "Bewitched" - is there a pattern here?) and Ellen Corby ("The Waltons"). The movie is actually quite silly and would never fly today (though I imagine some studio 'genius' is contemplating a big-budget remake starring Jim Carrey, Jack Black or Seth Rogan as I type this) but no one did physical comedy quite as well as Knotts:
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken may not be the best movie ever made. Or even the funniest. Still, it brings a smile to my face and elicits fond memories of my childhood. If you've never seen it, you should. Just remember to access your inner 8 year-old before you press "play" on the remote. If you do, you'll find a delightfully goofy movie suitable for the entire family.
I was going to do a "Forgotten Gems" post tonight but after my usual round of surfing, I came across a couple of other things I wanted to talk about, first.
Does anyone else remember 1979's Star Trek: The Motion Picture? That's Iranian model Persis Khambatta as Illia, a character who is killed and replicated by V-Ger in the movie. While essentially an expanded (and exceptionally boring) episode from the original series, the first 'Star Trek' movie posits that Voyager I went to the furthest depths of space where it essentially became a sentient being after encountering a silicon-based race of aliens. Because of space wear-and-tear (I guess), it called itself "V-Ger" and demanded to be reunited with its creator. Illia became V-Ger's avatar aboard the Enterprise and eventually she/it merged with Stephen Collins' ("No Ordinary Family") character in cinema's first intergalactic orgasm. Damn! Collins was sure pretty then, wasn't he?
So, what does that have to do with anything? Well, launched by NASA in 1977, Voyager I is now poised to become the first man-made object to actually leave the Milky Way. Discover Magazine is reporting that Voyager I, while no longer propelled by solar winds, is about to move into deep space, potentially fulfilling it's cinematically prophesied destiny. This story has restored my fascination with deep-space travel and everything we don't know about Life, the Universe and Everything (which I doubt actually adds up to 42, which non-nerds should look up).
Okay. On to other sort-of related movie news. Take a deep breath, boys (and str8 gals). The Sexiest Man Alive is single again! Salacious gossip site TMZ (via) is reporting that Ryan Reynolds and his wife of two years Scarlett Johansson, are divorcing. I, for one, would be more than happy to console the poor boy. Anyone care to join me in that effort? I mean after Alanis and Scarlett, surely he must be looking for something different, no?
And since we're (okay, I'm) already talking about movies, (also via) New York Magazine has posted this gallery of the best film performances of 2010 that will not be winning any awards. Surprisingly, I agree with most of their choices.
And finally, (via) comes the trailer for the Most Unnecessary Sequel Ever, Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides. Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush return, joined by "Deadwood" alum Ian McShane; Dame Judi Dench and the oh-so-creepy* Penelope Cruz in this fourth installment in Disney's ride-turned-into-a-movie. This time, directorial duties are taken up by Chicago director Rob Marshall. May God have mercy on them all. Though I will give it a shout out because it does it does feature zombies...
*I'm glad I'm not alone in my assessment of Cruz's creepiness, as my oldest friend Q thinks she's creepy, too. It's her mouth, I think. It looks like it was badly drawn by a child with a crayon or something. Of course, she's now married to Javier Bardem (and with child), so maybe her "creepy" quotient will decrease after she whelps... Ooh - that was kind of cruel, wasn't it? Still, she makes me throw up in my mouth a little, every time I see her. Maybe it's just me.
Sadly, this isn't a post about Best Worst Movie, the hilarious documentary about the cult phenomenon that Troll 2 has become. Even sadder, I have not seen enough movies this year to make a Top Ten list, mostly because there just weren't that many movies that interested me enough to make the effort to go and spend the money to see them.
Still, the year isn't over and there are several films either playing now (Black Swan) or opening soon (The King's Speech) that are on my "must see" list. Ask me at the end of January and I may have a very different list (or at least larger) list of Best and Worst Movies of 2010.
But for now, it's 5 of each.
Let's start with the 5 Worst Movies of 2010, shall we?
Wow, what a cast! Benicio del Toro; Anthony Hopkins; Hugo Weaving; Emily Blunt and Geraldine Chaplin starred in the much-anticipated remake of the 1941 classic that starred Lon Chaney, Jr. Seriously - three Oscar winners, Agent Smith, an acting royal and the creator of the FX for An American Werewolf in London should have combined for a terrific update. Sadly, in the clumsy directorial hands of Joe Johnston (Jurassic Park 3), it's a silly and derivative bore filled with bad dialog and even worse CGI. P.U.
Can anyone tell me what happened to the wunderkind that was Tim Burton? Alice in Wonderland should have been a no-brainer, given its amazing source material.* Sadly, Linda Woolverton's feminist revision of Lewis Carroll's brilliant nonsense story only served to let Burton loose with a wild assortment of visuals that do absolutely nothing to serve Carroll's story. I may be one of a handful of people who actually liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but after this mess, I have to admit Burton needs some reigning in.
In 2007, Frank Oz (Little Shop of Horrors) made a delightfully madcap British comedy about a funeral in which the decedent's family discovers all sorts of terrible secrets about him and themselves. The movie was decidedly British and delightfully hilarious. Just three years later, director Neil LaBute (The Wicker Man) remade Death at a Funeral for the American black audience. Crass, unfunny and loaded with stereotypes, LaBute's movie is not only completely unnecessary, but insulting to the original.
Jackie Earle Haley may be enjoying a career renaissance, but his reinterpretation of Wes Craven's most famous Horror icon Freddy Krueger, will not go down as one of his better performances. Music video director Samuel Bayer takes everything that made the 1984 original so scary and reduces it to a CGI-infused mess devoid of any real human emotion.
This was one movie Uncle P really wanted to like. Writer/Director Vincenzo Natali (Cube) got two of my favorite actors, Adrien Brody (King Kong; The Pianist) and Sarah Polley (The Adventures of Baron Munchausen; Dawn of the Dead) to star in this tale that had the potential to be a truly horrifying treatise on genetic engineering and manipulation. Instead, audiences were treated to a silly and sickening movie about which my movie-loving Dear D said: "I hate this movie so much, I never want to see it again." By far, the worst movie released in 2010.
Tomorrow, my picks for the 5 Best Movies of 2010 (so far).
More, anon. Prospero
*Uncle P is a rabid fan of Carroll's works and loves them like few others do, which led me to watch this mess of a movie in abject horror. I own every version of his works you can imagine, including 'The Annotated Alice." Carroll's skewering of Victorian society and language has inspired me to no end, and I consider myself somewhat of a devotee. That whirring sound you heard every time this movie screened was the poor Reverend Dodgeson spinning in his grave over the bastardization of his work.
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If you don't already know, that's hottie Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), whose most recent film with reported girlfriend Renee Zellweger, Case 39 was less than boffo at the box office, as industry headlines would have put it (though I still very much want to see it, if only to see another performance from Jodelle Ferland, one of the most underrated child actors working today).
The gorgeous hirsute hunk has a new Sci-Fi movie coming out next year called Limitless, about a drug that unleashes the human brain's full potential, but with potentially deadly side-effects. Directed by Neil Burger (The Illusionist), it tells the story of an advertising copywriter (Cooper) who uses the chemical enhancement, only to discover that a shadowy group of killers is following his every move.
The movie also stars Robert DeNiro; Abby Cornish (Candy); Anna Friel (my much mourned "Pushing Daisies") and Johnny Whitworth ("CSI: Miami"). Limitless is scheduled for release in March of next year.The teaser below comes via i09:
Also via i09 comes the teaser for the crowd-financed Horror movie The Tunnel. From the lunatics at i09 comes the official synopsis:
"Set and filmed in the real maze of tunnels underneath Sydney, and using the truth as a starting point, The Tunnel tells the story of investigative journalist Natasha Warner, who leads a news crew underground to investigate why the government suddenly scrapped a plan to utilize the water in the disused underground train tunnels beneath Sydney's St James Train Station. They went down into the tunnels looking for a story - until the story found them."
The Aussie independent film is financed entirely through donations of $1 per frame. I'd probably describe this movie as a cross between The Descent and Rec. There's no official release date for The Tunnel, but you can bet that I'll among the first in line to see it when it hits my local cineplex.
That's Ewan MacGregor and Jimmy Carrey about to lock lips in the much-delayed I Love You, Phillip Morris, finally seeing it's (limited) US release this weekend. Also in limited release is Darren Aronofsky's psychological thriller set in the very competitive world of professional ballet, Black Swan, starring the always intriguing Natalie Portman and about whom much-Oscar talk has been bandied. These are just two of the movies on my list to see this holiday film season.
Of course, I imagine Black Swan is not he movie for a gracefully aging group of friends to kick off the holiday season. Next week gives us The Chronicles of Narnia (they're still making those?): The Voyage of the Dawn Treader in 3D (yawn...); Johhny Depp and Angelina Jolie in The Tourist (meh...) and in limited release, Julie Taymor's latest Shakespearean adaptation, The Tempest. The Tempest is a play I happen to know a little about. I've done it three times, first as Gonzalo, then as Prospero and last as the sound-effects designer. the play has been adapted for film by John Cassavates ( 1982's Tempest), Peter Greenaway (the lavishly produced Prospero's Books) and most notoriously by Fred Wilcox in 1956 as the iconic Sci-Fi classic, Forbidden Planet (itself scheduled for the inevitable remake in 2013). Tamor's last Shakespearean epic Titus, managed to turn in a bloody, sordid potboiler into an ironic black comedy. I can't wait to see what she does with this story of magic, monsters, spirits and forgiveness. This of course, despite my schadenfreude over the eminent demise of Tamor's latest Broadway project, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. What may the single worst idea in history for a musical is experiencing technical difficulties which prompted members of last Sunday's first preview audience to stand up and openly heckle during the second act.
Any movie opening the weekend of the weekend of the 17th has no chance against the juggernaut that is Disney's Tron: Legacy. Nerds all over the world have been drooling for this movie for almost 30 years. I saw the original in a theater (a Twin - remember those?) and it gave me a headache. Of course, I saw the trailer for Yogi Bear and that gave me a headache, too.
Christmas weekend sees Gulliver's Travels (why?); Little Fockers (really?) and True Grit (hmmm...). Of the three, True Grit is the one that appeals to me most, and mostly because its a Coen Brothers movie. The John Wayne original may have one its star an Oscar, but Wayne was actually a terrible actor and the 1969 original isn't always faithful to the novel on which it was based. Of course, with cast like Jeff Bridges; Matt Damon and Josh Brolin, how you can you go wrong?
Enjoy the trailers of the movies I most want to see this season. I'll let you know which ones I actually get to:
Black Swan:
I Love You, Phillip Morris:
The Tempest:
Tron: Legacy:
True Grit:
So which ones (or one) do you think I'll actually get to see? I'm currently jonesing for cinematic satisfaction, so I certainly hope to get to as many of these as possible, though we all know that real-life interferes...
This is a real quickie tonight. The show opens tomorrow and I have 8 and half billion things to do, but I miss you. It kills me that I can't remember what site I came across the trailer I'm posting below, and feel bad that I can't properly attribute it. It might've been i09 or BoingBoing or My New Plaid Pants.
Anyway, the movie advertised is the feature debut of writers/directors The Vicious Brothers, Grave Encounters. Another "found footage" movie like The Blair Witch Project; Cloverfield and Paranormal Activity. It concerns the long-hidden last episode of a cable-TV paranormal investigation show, like "Ghost Hunters," called "Grave Encounters." When the team takes on the challenge of spending the night in a secluded, labyrinthine former madhouse with a reputation of being 'the most haunted building on the planet in North America' the fun is just beginning. Personally, I have issues with shows like "Ghost Hunters" and its ilk. It's far too easy to fake anything on these programs; shyster mediums have been doing those tricks for centuries. The only thing that changes is the technology with which they can now be done. Like aliens, until I come face-to-face with ghost, I remain a skeptic.
Still, once I watched the trailer, I knew I had to see this film and there would be no satisfaction until I do. Which may be a while. The film is currently without a distributor, but is being shown at private screenings, presumably in search of a distributor. Watch the trailer and tell me what you think.
Yikes! As much as I am skeptical, I know what the psychology of a place can do your own psychology, and I wouldn't spend so much as five minutes in the place, let alone be locked in overnight, no matter how fake I knew my show might be.
And here's another bit of viral advertising for the movie, an "unaired promo for 'Grave Encounters'":
I truly hope that Grave Encounters can be as good as it's trailer, despite the "seen-it" ghost face FX.Uncle P got fooled by the dreadful Paranormal Activity, but it was a very different kind of trailer. I'll be going with mixed-expectations and hoping that the last truly scary ghost movie wasn't made in 1963 and that we'll never see its like, again... What do you think? Does Grave Encounters look scary to you?
More, anon.
Prospero
P.S. - If you didn't click the link to "The show" at the top of the post, please know it is a link to a podcast about It's a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play.Hear Uncle P, Dear D and a few others gabbing about the show and what the JTMF does and is about.
