And it's not just movie posters that are being faked these days. Entire trailers and even almost entire fake movies are being made, though if they exist, I suppose they aren't exactly fake, are they? Still folks are putting lots of effort into making trailers for movies that don't exist (at least not yet). Point in case - Michael Deak, a former makeup and effects artist has a YouTube channel for his fake B-movie trailers, which I found thanks to the wackos over at BoingBoing. Here's a prime example of his work, the trailer for The Long Dead Smell (which is probably one of the most hilarious movie titles, ever):
Then there are the folks who do "mash-up" trailers, combining existing material from different movies to create a trailer for an altogether different non-existent movie, like this one for Vampire the Masquerade:
And then there are the full-on joke trailers, such as this one for The Mystery Guest:
Or Titanic: The Sequel:
And there's this painstakingly created trailer for a live-action version of the animated series "Thundercats," which I am sure I have posted before:
Still, Entertainment Weekly may well have found the most brilliant fake movie of all time. The good folks at College Humor have discovered that editing all the McBain scenes featured in "The Simpsons" actually add up to an almost complete movie, with rather hilarious results:
While I may prefer real movies to fake ones, I am almost in awe of the film fans who have both the time and resources to create these tributes to a truly American art form. And I look forward to the day when I can post a real trailer for a movie made from one of my own screenplays.
Okay - enough whining about the weather and the lack of sunlight. It's time to talk about one of my favorite subjects - movies. There are tons of movies I am really excited about in the upcoming year, several of which are scheduled for the next couple of months.
Most of them are genre pictures and I am not above admitting they are the ones to which I am most looking forward. That's probably because genre pictures have the highest level of escapism. Whether its vampires (NOT sparkly wimpy ones); werewolves; aliens; monsters; superheroes or mad science, I am a sucker for all things Fantasy, Sci-Fi and/or Horror. Of course, that doesn't men they will all be worth seeing. If you read my recent review of Season of the Witch (a movie I was really looking forward to seeing), you'll know I'm not an easily satisfied genre junkie.
So, what does look good to Uncle P in the coming months? Let's take a peek, shall we?
February 11 sees The Eagle with Channing Tatum and Jamie Bell in what is sure to be a homoerotic Sword and Sandals epic about a roman soldier and his hot young slaveboy:
And February 25th brings another insane Nic Cage movie, which could be either awful or insanely brilliant, Drive Angry. Cage plays a man who literally escapes from hell to save his granddaughter from the men who killed him and her mother. William Fitchner, Amber Heard and David Morse co-star:
Also on March 11th is Red Riding Hood, covering much the same material as Neil Jordan's The Comapny of Wolves, this time directed by Twilight's Catherine Hardwicke and starring Amanda Seyfried, Lukas Haas and Gary Oldman:
March 18th brings us director Greg Mottola's Paul starring Nick Frost and Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) in the story of two slackers who encounter an alien on their way to ComicCon:
March 18 is the scheduled premiere for Love, a Sci-Fi epic from director William Eubank about an astronaut stranded alone aboard the International Space Station after the apocalypse:
And March 25th brings us the movie to which I am most looking forward to seeing this spring, Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch, starring Abby Cornish as a young woman who must use her imagination to escape the insane asylum to which she has wrongly been consigned. Say what you will about Synder's films, no other director working today (with the possible exception of Christopher Nolan) has his particular eye for astonishing visuals:
And other upcoming films I'm excited to see:
Super 8 (6/10/11):
Green Lantern (6/17/11):
Captain America (7/22/11):
Cowboys and Aliens (7/29/11):
And some others for which trailers have yet to be posted: Anonymous(9/30/11); 11/11/11 (11/11/11 - obviously); Fright Night(11/13/11): Immortals (11/11/11) and Hugo Cabret(12/09/11).
Remember, all release dates are subject to change at the whim of the lunatic accountants who now run Hollywood. I'll be posting my reviews as I see them.
That's British actor Henry Cavill in a still from the upcoming Tarsem Singh film, Immortals. Cavill plays Theseus, a warrior king from Greek mythology (and A Midsummer Night's Dream). Cavill has been in Tristan & Isolde; Stardust and the Nazi-themed horror movie Blood Creek, as well as the HBO series "The Tudors." He's very good-looking and as you can see from the picture, quite fit. He has also just been announced (via) as the new Superman in director Zack Snyder's upcoming reboot for producer Christopher Nolan. I am a huge fan of both Nolan and Snyder, despite continued claims that Snyder's films are homophobic (personally, I think some people read too much into his movies, particularly Watchmen, but that's just me) but I think Cavill is just a completely bone-headed choice.
I have no problem with Cavill as an actor. I've only actually seen him in Stardust, where he played douche, and he was quite good at doing so. My issue is that Superman is a distinctly American creation. Indeed, he stands for "Truth, Justice and the American Way." So why the hell is he being played by a Brit? Don't get me wrong - I'm all for casting the right actor in a role, but what's wrong with Brandon Routh? Bryan Singer's Superman Returns may not have lived up to everyone's expectations but at least everyone agreed that despite the film's shortcomings, Routh was perfectly cast as Clark Kent and his super-powered alter-ego from Krypton.
Okay, maybe Routh was unavailable or uninterested. What about "Smallville" star Tom Welling? He's been playing Clark Kent longer than any other actor who's taken on the part. Surely he has some insight into the character. And he was born in New York City -- Metropolis, itself. It doesn't get much more American than that. "But he's a terrible actor," you might be saying. Personally, I've never seen "Smallville," so I can't say. But if that's so, then find an unknown American actor, just as Richard Donner did when he cast Christopher Reeve in 1978's Superman: The Movie. Casting Cavill in the role is just as ridiculous as casting a Brit as another distinctly American superhero like Spider-Man. Oh, wait. they did that, too... Skinny, creepy Andrew Garfield will be playing Peter Parker/Spider-Man in the upcoming reboot (as if that needed to happen in the first place) directed, ironically, by Marc Webb (500 Days of Summer).
Now before you label your Uncle P an Anglo-phobe, I happen to love British actors. Patrick Stewart; Colin Firth; Ian McKellan; Helen Mirran; Judy Dench and Cate Blanchett are all geniuses. And while several of them have played Americans with great aplomb, none of them have had the audacity to take on iconic American characters. My guess is that both Garfield and Cavill will be spectacular failures at playing these two oh-so-American characters and while I truly hope I am wrong, I will revel in a bit schadenfreude should these films crash and burn.
And just as a reminder, do you remember when you fell in love with Reeve as The Man of Steel? I do...
Still, I suppose we should at least be glad that this never happened. Your thoughts?
So, the Oscar Nominations were announced yesterday. I, like many film fans out there, am stunned by some of the glaring omissions on the Academy's list this year.
First and foremost, Christopher Nolan (L) was not nominated for Best Director for Inception, despite the movie's nominations for Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay. Really? Did this "Best Picture" nominee direct itself? It certainly didn't write itself. Inception was also snubbed for a Best Editing nod. I ask anyone who has seen the film: How did the amazing last 40 minutes of it come together so brilliantly? Was it luck? Or maybe magic. I think not.
Also ignored: Matt Damon in True Grit. This was really a slap in the face for an actor who has grown by leaps and bounds in every film he's in. His performance as Texas Ranger LeBeouf was one of his best ever. And since I'm already talking about True Grit, why was the amazing young Hailee Steinfeld nominated as Best Supporting Actress? As in the Charles Portis novel, the Coen Brothers' film was the story of Mattie and her journey, where Rooster and LeBeouf are the supporting characters. Surely Steinfeld deserves to be recognized for her amazing debut, but she was the leading actress in the movie, not a supporting player.
My mother, bless her, has complained for many years that the Oscars are no longer really about 'The Best" but rather about the studios who spend the most money promoting their nominees. And sadly, I am inclined to agree with her. I mean, come on... Crash won over Brokeback Mountain? A serious reality check is needed among Academy voters. Hey AMPASS members - 'Gay' no longer equals 'Evil' and 'Excellent' still equals 'Excellent.'
At the risk of repeating myself, here are the trailers for 10 nominees for Best Picture:
May the actual Best nominees win!
My predictions, anon (though as always, I advise against betting on my predictions....)
Blogger Jonco at Bits and Pieces posted a link to this story on UGO about the Worst Actors of All Time (which is limited to men and therefore doesn't include the truly dreadful Jennifer Aniston, but still manages to omit the even worse Gerard Butler). The post got me thinking about bad movies, in general. But not bad, cheap indies like Troll 2 or Manos: Hands of Fate, which exist in their own MST3K category. No, I'm talking about Major Studio, big budget stinkers that have no business existing.
Let's get started, shall we?
The first on my list is the 1976 Dino DeLaurentiis production of King Kong, starring Jeff Bridges, Charles Grodin and Jessica Lange who makes a rather ignominious debut as an actress named Dwan, who is rescued an oil freighter that finds a giant gorilla instead of the oil it's looking for (huh?). DeLaurentiis notably said "Everybody gonna cry when my Kong die." We did, but they were tears of laughter. He even campaigned to have make-up artist Rick Baker nominated as Best Actor for his performance in the ridiculous ape costume. Directed by John Guillerman (The Towering Inferno; Death on the Nile), the movie is most notable for its terrible acting and even worse special effects.Thankfully, both Bridges and Lange would survive this turkey and go on to Oscar-winning careers. Sadly, this was also the last movie my father, mother, sister and I ever saw as a family. We were all equally excited and disappointed by its cheesiness.
Of course, I've already discussed George Lucas' disastrous Howard the Duck, but a post about the worst movies ever wouldn't be complete without it. Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones and Tim Robbins star in one of Hollywood's worst stinkers, ever.
And since I'm already talking about genre movies, let's add Hugh Jackman in 2004's Van Helsing, a movie that held so much potential but which ended up being a ridiculous, noisy and over-used CGI pile of crap.
Good actors make bad movies on occasion, but it's truly sad when a good actor's last film is as terrible as Raul Julia's last movie, 1994's Streetfighter. Based a video game (never a good idea), Streetfighter features Julia as the dictator of a country named Shadaloo (that's sounds perfectly plausible) and Jean-Claude Van Damme as the hero. Pee-yew!
Of course, not all bad big budget films were made in the last 30 years, Take 1963's Cleopatra, starring acting legends Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and Rex Harrison. Still one of the most expensive movies ever made when adjusted for inflation, Joseph L. Mankeiwicz' epic is an epic fail, by any standard.
And since we're talking Hollywood royalty and bad films, let's not forget Paul Newman's debut film The Silver Chalice, a completely crappy Biblical story for which Newman would later publicly apologize.
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. I'll talk more about these and other films during November's "Turkey Month" posts. And I'll be adding links to this post soon, so you see more of these films' crapitude.
Okay... the end of the month of the January is approaching, the Golden Globes have been awarded and the Oscars are about to be announced. Last month I posted my 5 Best and Worst movies of 2010, but I've seen several more movies from last year and I suppose it's time to finally list my Top Ten; a difficult task in a year of many, many bad films. Some of these films have been reviewed previously (a few even recently), while others were not reviewed because I had other things on my mind. If your personal favorites' on the list, yay! If not, get over it and go write about them on your own blog -- Sorry. I had a pretty crappy day at the day-job and it seems to be spilling over here. I'll try to keep that in check for the rest of this post, if you promise not to hold it against me. So, without further ado, here are Uncle P's picks for the Ten Best Movies of 2010:
#10: Kick-Ass
Director Matthew Vaughn (Stardust) takes on the indie-Superhero genre with his hilarious adaptation of Mark Millar's story about an average kid who dreams of being more than he is. With break-out performances from Aaron Johnson and Chloe Moretz, Kick-Ass was the most fun I had at the movies this year.
#9: The Kids Are Alright
Anette Bening and Julianne Moore star as the lesbian parents of kids who seek out their biological father in this touching and often amusing story about what 'family' truly means.
#8: Despicable Me
"The Office" star Steve Carrel is the voice of wannabe super villain Gru in this hilariously delightful film from the guy who made Ice Age, that also redefines 'family.' "It's so FLUFFY!"
#7: Toy Story 3
Pixar once againproves they're the best in the business with this sequel that drove grown men (myself included) to tears.
#6: Let Me In
A box-office disappointment, Let Me In is the Americanized version of the Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In. Chloe Moretz and Kodi Smit-McPhee are the vampire and her thrall-in-training in this dark tale that features Salon.com's "Best Scene of 2010."
#5: The King's Speech
Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush star in this true story of King George VI, his speech pathologist and their struggle to overcome George's stammer on the eve of the most important speech of his Regency. With similar themes to The Madness of King George, Tom Hooper's film reminds of that royalty are still very human beings.
#4: The Social Network
Director David Fincher is best known for his explorations of the darker side ofthe Human Condition (Se7en; Fight Club; Zodiac) and his take on the story of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, while far less grim than his usual fare, is yet another fascinating take on the same subject.
#3: True Grit
Westerns will never be at the top of my Favorite Genres list. Still, the Coen brothers' version of the Charles Portis novel is not only brilliantly acted and gorgeously filmed, but it bears the kind of emotional impact that only the best movies can, reminding us once again of the universality of the Human Condition.
#2: Black Swan
Darren Aronofsky's film about performance and obsession is dark, fanciful and plenty disturbing while featuring the year's most amazing performance from seasoned veteran and Golden Globe winner Natalie Portman as a dancer who'll go to almost any lengths to achieve the performance of a lifetime.
#1: Inception
I always think the Best Film of the Year should be the Most Entertaining and Thought-Provoking movie of the year, and for me, that film was Christopher Nolan's Inception. A Sci-Fi espionage thriller with amazing visuals, terrific performances and an amazing score from the always brilliant Hans Zimmer, Inception was the movie that intrigued, excited and provoked me the most this year. A great ride from beginning to end, Inception was simply 2010's Most Entertaining (and therefore Best) movie of 2010.
Agree? Disagree? Have other choices? Let me know. I always love to hear what you have to say.
So, here's some news all you movie geeks already know: Anne Hathaway and Tom Hardy have officially been announced as the villains in Christopher Nolan's third and final entry in Warner's Batman franchise, The Dark Knight Rises. Hathaway has been cast as Catwoman (or at least, Selina Kyle) and Hardy as Bane (via).
These are two actors I like a lot. Hathaway is always amazing, even in sappy treacle like The Princess Diaries and Hardy is just a sexy bear who could recite the phone book, as long as he has his clothes off at some point.
Yikes. That sounds awful. Still, Hardy was quite good in Nolan's Inception and I have no doubt he'll be terrific as the hulking Latino villain who actually broke Batman's back in in DC's "Knightfall" series. Not that I am all that familiar with the comics -- I do have Internet access, though and know he's much more important to the storyline than than the idiotic character in Joel Schumaker's reprehensible Batman and Robin.
Now, it seems that lots of folks have problems with this casting, particularly when it comes to Ms Hathaway as Selina Kyle/Catwoman. Michelle Pfieffer was quite an amazing Catwoman in her pleather catsuit and smoky eye makeup. But Hathaway is tall and sexy and will bring her own take on the jewel thief who manages to steal Bruce Wayne's heart. .And since Nolan has proven himself to be quite the genius when it comes to this particular franchise, I have total faith his casting choices. If anyone can turn Hathaway into Catwoman, it's Nolan. And I, for one, can't wait to see a bulked-up Hardy flexing and strutting his way through Gotham City.
Of course,Catwoman has been played by more actresses than any other female character in the franchise, starting with Julie Newmar in the campy 1960's TV series, followed by Eartha Kitt; Lee Meriwether; Michelle Pfieffer and (most lamentably) Halle Berry. Bane's only appearance on film was in the aforementioned Batman and Robin, portrayed by the late wrestler Jeep Swenson simply as a grunting minion of Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman). I'm very interested to see how Nolan uses the character in the new movie, especially given his rich history in the DC Universe.
Nolan has yet to disappoint with this franchise, and I have all faith that his 2012 Birthday Present to me will stand up to his previous Batman movies (though finding a performance like the late Heath Ledger's as The Joker may prove a rather daunting task). Still, I am excited to see where Nolan will take the story next.
I took myself to the movies today to finally see Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky's psychological thriller set in the world of professional ballet. While I am hardly a dancer by any means, I did spend four seasons acting for the NYC Ballet and have performed in that magnificent Lincoln Center theatre, so I'd like to think I have a little insight into the subject matter.
Ballet dancers are very unlike actors in that while they understand technique and performance, they have no clue as to how to access character. And such is the problem with Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman), a featured soloist who so very much covets the role of the Swan Queen in the company's upcoming production of 'Swan Lake.' Company director Thomas (Vincent Cassel) sees great promise in Nina, whose technique is nearly perfect, but who has no idea how to access the passion required to dance the role in which she has been cast.
That may well be because her insanely over-protective passive-aggressive mother (Barbara Hershey) has kept her sheltered in their cramped apartment for most of her life. When new dancer Lily (Mila Kunis) joins the company, the stakes are raised and Nina begins to push herself harder than ever. So hard, in fact, that she becomes obsessed to the point-of-no-return.
Nina soon begins to exhibit signs of instability, starting with a series of scratches on her back and leading to... well, see the movie for yourself. Needless to say, Nina's descent into madness is a harrowing thing to watch. It doesn't help that the company's bitter former Prima Ballerina (Winona Ryder) attempts suicide, resulting in an ugly wound to her leg which ensures she'll never dance again.
Portman's performance here is simply breathtaking and she certainly deserves every accolade she's been given, including last night's Golden Globe win. It actually saddens me that her follow-up is in what looks like a completely lame romantic comedy, No Strings Attached. Cassel is appropriately creepy as the pompous director and Kunis has come a long way from her "That 70's Show" roots, embodying the role of the calculating upstart in a dance version of All About Eve. Hershey gives the most over-the-top performance as the smothering Mother From Hell. Ryder isn't given much to do other than to play bitter, but she does so with a certain panache only she could bring to the role. Aronofsky's direction is spot on, even if he is a bit heavy-handed with the black & white imagery and the proliferation of swan figures in as many scenes as he could manage. One can only imagine how much darker (and it's pretty dark) this film could have been in the hands of say, David Fincher or Christopher Nolan. **** (Four Out of Four Stars). Black Swan is rated "R" for Strong Sexual Content.
And now on to the second part of this post - Movie-Going Etiquette:
I may well have enjoyed this film much more than I did if it weren't for the neanderthal seated directly to my left. The auditorium was crowded because it was both a holiday and Portman's win at the Golden Globes. The person (I refuse to use the word 'gentleman') seated on my left was the worst kind of movie patron. He spent the first half of the film grunting and snorting his way through his bag of popcorn, poking me in the ribs with his elbow every time he reached into his bag. He gabbed to his companion constantly, commenting on the movie and questioning things he didn't understand. When he finally set his empty popcorn bag on the floor, he made much of wiping his hands on about a dozen napkins, before toting out his Smartphone to check his messages.
So - a note to movie-goers everywhere. YOU ARE NOT AT HOME! You are sharing a film experience with people who have paid the same amount as you to see a movie. The rest of us don't care what you think (or don't understand) about the film. We don't want to listen to you eating like a sow at the trough; we don't want to be poked by your elbow or blinded by the light from your phone. We want to see the movie without you intruding on it like some annoying gopher spoiling our gardens. If you cannot be civil in public, then stay home and burp and fart your way through movies on DVD or Pay Per View. We paid to see a movie, not listen to your bodily functions.
Rant over. If you have yet to see Black Swan, then I urge you to do so. It's certainly one of the most disturbing and brilliant films you'll see in a long time. Just try to see it as far away from an idiot as you can.
Tonight saw the 68th Annual Hollywood Foreign Press Association's Golden Globe Awards, which supposedly honor the best in both movies and television. Since they are the first awards given during "award season," many people consider them to be indicators of how the AMPAS voters will choose the winners of the Oscars. To which I say: Feh!
Why do I say this? Two words: Pia Zadora. Yes, Pia Zadora. Does anyone remember her? Way back in 1982, Pia won a Golden Globe as Most Promising Newcomer (an award which is no longer given, by the way) for her work in the truly awful Southern potboiler Butterfly. A true stinker of a film, Butterfly is basically about the incestuous relationship between an Arizona farmer (Stacy Keach) and his daughter (Zadora). A wretched train wreck of a film, co-starring Orson Welles as a bellicose judge, Butterfly had yet to be screened by anyone when Zadora won her award. It turned out that her husband Meshulam Riklis (who was 31 years older than she was when they married), actually paid members of the HFPA to vote for her. The scandal nearly scuttled the Golden Globes for good.
So tonight, while I watched the first two hours of this year's Golden Globes (mostly to see just how catty host Ricky Gervais would be), I couldn't help but think of Pia Zadora and her completely undeserved award. And of course, Gervais delivered the goods, taking jibes at certain Scientologistsnot in attendance and the most recent scandal involving tickets to Cher's show in Vegas.
Still doubting? Then take a gander at Zadora's "Award-Winning" performance:
Zadora would go on to be in the film adaptation of Harold Robbins' The Lonely Ladyand later make a hilarious appearance as a beatnik artist in John Waters' 1998 Hairspray. She also had a small role in The Naked Gun 33 1/3, but has since gone on to be a rather minor footnote in Entertainment History. I should also point out that as a child, she appeared in the horrendous Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, though the hilarious folks at MST3K have already skewered that movie - My favorite line? "Pills for breakfast? What are we, Judy Garland?"
So, while favorites like "Glee," The King's Speech and The Social Network may have won Golden Globes tonight, I'll wait until the real awards are given out later this year.
Well, after several days of sleeping like I've been bitten by a tsetse fly, I'm starting to feel like myself again. If you have the nasty cold that's been going around the last few weeks, I sympathize completely and hope you feel better soon. Anyway, finally feeling better, I decided it was time to get back to my 'Best of the Decade' series before the decade actually ends (well, at least before the end of the month).
So, without further ado, Uncle P's picks for the Best Fantasy Movies of the Decade:
10. Monsters, Inc. (2001)
Pixar's only entry on this list is also one of their most delightfully silly movies. Monsterland powers itself on fear and scaring little kids is what Sully (John Goodman) and his buddy Mike (Billy Crystal) do best. That is until Sully stumbles upon the closet of a little girl too young to scare. When Boo (the name Sully gives her) crosses over, all sorts of silly nonsense ensues, including a brilliant homage to a Warner Brothers' classic:
Monsters, Inc. is sweet, scary, exciting and a pure delight.
9. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh star in director Ang Lee's Chinese fairy tale about a magical jade sword, unrequited love and flying martial arts. It set a new standard in wire-flying stunts and proved Michelle Yeoh could make us understand everything she was thinking without understanding a word she was saying. Originally written in English and translated into Mandarin, Crouching Tiger... is a visual and romantic feast. You may want to turn down the volume - or do your best to ignore the terrible English dubbing - for this gorgeous fight scene among the treetops of a bamboo forest:
8. Enchanted (2007)
Disney finally embraces its ridiculousness in this story of a an animated princess (Amy Adams in an Oscar-worthy performance) who is sent to the real world by a jealous evil queen (Susan Sarandon), where she meets the true love of her life (Patrick Dempsey). James Marsden, Idina Menzel and Timothy Spall round out the excellent supporting cast in this delightful parody with heart:
7. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban ( 2004)
I must admit that I'm not much of a Harry Potter fan. I find the books derivative and just a bit too cutsie, especially when it comes to Rowling's bad puns in naming characters and places. Still, director Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men) managed to produce a dark and scary movie with his entry in the series, elevating it from kiddie schlock to artful fantasy in the process (to be honest, this is the last film I saw in the series, as Rowling's rambling story simply couldn't hold my interest):
6. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)
In his second film based on the Darkhorse Comics character, Guillermo del Toro amps up the visual effects to the point where watching it on the big screen almost tires one's eyes out. When an ancient tribe of magical beings attempts to retake the Earth, it's up to hellboy (Ron Perlman) and company to stop them. An astonishing film to watch, which requires multiple viewings in order to take everything in:
5. The Illusionist (2006)
Writer/Director Neil Burger's stunning love story about a poor boy in love with an aristocrat is shot in sepia tones and irising transitions, giving the audience the feeling they are actually witnessing events taking place in the 19th Century. Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, Jessica Biel and Rufus Sewell star in this lush, romantic tale that deserves more love than it gets:
4. Stardust (2007)
Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite modern fantasists, and his novel is beautifully translated by director Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass) in this near-perfect fairy tale starring Clare Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert DeNiro, Mark Strong and the adorable Charlie Cox. Sadly ignored at the box-office, I think Stardust was the victim of poor marketing. It deserves to be seen and loved as much as I love it:
3. The Prestige (2006)
Christopher Nolan made my favorite film of 2010 (Inception) as well as the best superhero movie, ever. So it's no surprise that his tale of rival magicians at the turn of the last century should land so high on this list. Featuring Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Scarlett Johansson, Michael Caine and David Bowie, The Prestige is a story about competition, revenge, love and weird science, all told in the way only Nolan could tell it. Complex, moving and deliberately confusing (as the best magic tricks always are), The Prestige required at least two viewings before I could decide where my sympathies lied. A smart and breathtaking movie, The Prestige is another under-appreciated gem that deserves more fans:
2. Pan's Labyrinth (2006)
Guillermo del Toro makes his second appearance on this list with his dark fantasy about a young girl trying to escape the horrors of both Franco's regime and her stepfather's cruelty. Another movie my dear K hated because of its depictions of man's inhumanity to man, Pan's Labyrinth is a hauntingly beautiful meditation on how far we can go to rid ourselves of both physical and psychological pain. It is also one of the few films I can remember seeing that featured a scene which raised a collective gasp from every member of the audience. A stunning masterpiece from a director at the top of his game:
1. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001 - 2003)
Kiwi director Peter Jackson managed to turn J.R.R. Tolkien's supposedly 'unfilmable' epic tale and caught our collective imaginations in doing so. I hope I don't need to tell how truly amazing these films are (or attempt to summarize their collective plots). Gorgeous and exciting, TLOR's last film, 2003's The Return of the King is the only film to win every Oscar for which it was nominated (including Best Picture), and tied both Ben Hur and Titanic for most Oscars won at 11. Let's hope Jackson's 2 movie version of Tolkien's prequel The Hobbit, fares as well:
Honorable mentions: King Kong (2005); Howl's Moving Castle: Amelie; Pirates of the Caribbean; Shrek; Big Fish.
I first wrote about Season of the Witchin the fall of 2009, when it was scheduled for release the following March. Then, it seemed to fade away. And suddenly came back with a new release date, 10 months after it was originally scheduled. That should have gotten my spidey senses tingling, but I was intrigued by the possibilities surrounding the premise, so when D suggested we go if his scheduled trip to A.C. was canceled due to the snow, we found ourselves and our friend Heather in the audience of the 8:25 screening tonight.
Set during the Crusades, Season of the Witch stars Nic Cage (another thing which should have set my hackles to "rise") as Behmen and Ron Perlman as Felson, knights who abandon their pledges when they realize the Church is making them kill innocent people (imagine a religion doing something like that... shocking!). While on the lam, they stumble upon a plague-ridden city where the dying Cardinal D'Ambroise (genre legend Christopher Lee) offers them redemption if they'll accompany a priest and a grieving knight as they escort a witch (on whom they blame the plague) to a remote monastery where the monks are to preside over a ritual that will determine the young woman's fate. It was at about this point that I turned to Heather and asked "Is this a Monty Python movie?" At first, the deserters refuse, but Behmen, overtaken with guilt and believing the girl to be innocent, relents and they are soon on the road joined by a swindler as their guide and a pretty altar boy who wants to follow in his father's footsteps and become a knight.
After a promising opening scene, Season of the Witch moves on to a montage of battles and debauchery in which we learn Behmen and Felson are not just great warriors, but best buds. It is then that the cliches simply start to pile atop one another in a slow-moving trek through haunted woods, across rotting bridges and up foreboding mountain trails. As the party begins to thin the CGI ramps up (one character is actually eaten alive by CGI-enhanced wolves - sadly none of them Joe Manganiello) and by the time they reach their destination and the truth about the girl has come out, all hell breaks loose.
At some point, I simply started running a silent version of MST3K in my head until Heather and I couldn't stand it anymore and spent the last 20 minutes of the movie trying to control our hysterics over its cheesiness, much to poor D's consternation. The screenplay by Bragi Schut is so bloated with ridiculous dialog that only Perlman (a seasoned vet of genre campiness) seems to understand it is so crappy, it has to be played for laughs. Cage puts on his best self-important hero persona, making his idiotic dialog all the funnier, though sadly, without a hint of camp irony. Please, will someone get him to lighten up again. he was so funny in Kick-Ass. What happened?
The rest of the cast is completely forgettable, except for Stephen Graham, a British actor who plays the swindler/guide with an inexplicable Brooklyn accent. Newcomers Claire Foy as the girl and Robert Sheehan as the boy are serviceable, while handsome Danish Daddy Ulrich Thomsen manages to be the most convincing period character, though how he manages to get through the movie without breaking into hysterics, is beyond me. Director Dominic Sena (Swordfish) steals ideas and images from dozens of better movies, including Raiders of the Lost Ark; The Mummy; Bram Stoker's 'Dracula'; Drag Me to Hell; The Lord of the Rings and even the terrible The Thirteenth Warrior, making a film that lacks a single moment of originality in either its tone or design. Even the "big effect" creature at the end of the movie is in fact so completely underwhelming, it makes the giant spider at the end of It look like a stroke of genius.
Should you see Season of the Witch? Let me put it this way, if you have home parties where you play your own version of MST3K, then you might want to see it so you can get started on writing the jokes you're going to shout out when you have that party. Otherwise... no, not really.
Season... may not be the first movie I saw in 2011, but it is the first movie I saw that was released in 2011. So how sad it is that I'm starting the year with the first entry of my "Worst of 2011" list? Season of the Witch is a terrible movie, redeemed (if that's even the right word) only by its unintentional hilarity.
Zero stars. Rated PG-13 for "thematic elements, violence and disturbing content."
If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm what is politely referred to as a "genre guy" when it comes to entertainment; specifically the Nerd Trinity: Fantasy/Horror/Sci-Fi. But I also love plenty of other kinds of movies from all sorts of genres and long-time readers know I try see a balance of movies.
That's not to say I'm always willing to step out of my magic circle when it comes to other genres. War pictures are generally right out. As the children of a man who grew up during and subsequently became fascinated with WWII, my sister and I suffered through every episode of PBS' "The World at War" at least 20 times, while listening to our father espouse on military strategy like he was Alexander. I've never seen Saving Private Ryan; Full Metal Jacket or Platoon and have no intentions of doing so. Heresy, you say? You didn't grew up in Uncle P's house, so don't judge.
Of course, my father was a child of his time and he also loved the Universal Horror movies; Buck Rogers serials and Westerns.
To be honest, I can take or leave Westerns. Especially those of the Tom Mix and Roy Rogers type on which Dad was raised -- "You'd get a newsreel; a cartoon; a serial; another cartoon; the B picture and then the A picture. You were in that seat for all damned day for a quarter, which included popcorn!" Anyway, I can count on a hand a half the Westerns I really like a lot while filling the other half with Westerns I can sit through: Unforgiven; The Wild Bunch; The Outlaw Josie Wales; a few others. As a kid, I loved True Grit, though I can't exactly tell you why. 1968's True Grit won John Wayne his only Oscar as U.S. Marshall Rooster Cogburn. Wayne played himself, as he always did, so we must suspect that he won for his body of work, rather than his skills as a Thespian.
The Coen Brothers' new film -- based on the same novel -- is neither a remake, nor a "re-imagining" but rather a more faithful adaption of Charles Portis' novel about an extraordinary young lady taking on an extraordinary task -- avenging her father's murder. Taking over for the Duke is the Dude, Jeff Bridges as the hard drinking, one-eyed Reuben 'Rooster' Cogburn. The extraordinary young lady is Mattie Ross, played in the 1968 version by Kim Darby (Don't Be Afraid of the Dark; Better Off Dead). Newcomer Hailee Steinfeld is the 14 year-old Mattie in the new film; a determined little powerhouse who can quote law books, speaks Latin and can broker a deal that would shame Old Scratch himself. Mature beyond her years and tenacious as all get out, Mattie refuses to take "No" for an answer in hiring Cogburn to track down her father's killer. Meanwhile, Texas Ranger LeBeouf (pronounced Le-Beef) has been trailing the same man for murdering a politician in Texas. Both LeBeouf and Cogburn encourage Mattie to go home, but she refuses and ends up accompanying the two men into the Choctaw Territories in search of their man, who has apparently taken up with a man Cogburn has been after, as well. D and I saw it tonight as part of our Holiday get-together and we both agreed on how good it really was, meeting his and exceeding my expectations.
So, first of all... Yes, Bridges and Damon are so very good in this film and very much deserve the Oscars for which they are both likely to be nominated and I will talk about them both (and others) in bit. But this is Ms Steinfeld's movie and she shines in a debut performance that will be remembered for a very long time. While Ms Darby played Mattie as a meek thing finally asserting herself, Steinfeld plays her as an assertive, no-nonsense woman on a mission which she is not about to abort, no matter what. One of her best moments is near the end of the film; after all the hangings, stabbings and shootings she's seen (semi-spoiler alert) something happens that finally lets us see the little girl inside. Steinfeld's accent, mannerisms and delivery are so dead on, one might think she stepped right out of 19th Century Arkansas. I am making a bold prediction for a long and wonderful career for Ms Steinfeld.
Much has been made of Damon's performance as the almost foppish LeBeouf and I certainly agree that it's another in a growing line of great performances from an actor I am growing to love more and more. Of course, the question on everyone's mind - how is Bridges as Rooster? Well, I'm here to tell you that he's just terrific. The seasoned veteran simply goes to work and puts his own amazing take on the character. Yes, it's more Dude than Duke but in the hands of the Coens, that's a really good thing. A drunker and more garrulous Cogburn than Wayne, Bridges plays him as a lonely old coot who is wont to run at the mouth who just maybe sees a spark of his own youthful self in young Mattie, who can roll his cigarettes almost with looking. An almost unrecognizable Barry Pepper is Lucky Ned, leader of the gang and Josh Brolin is the man Mattie wants dead. Both are excellent here and Brolin should be glad to end his year with an actually good Western. Of course, every aging character actor around shows up in one form or another, most notably Ed Corbin in a hilarious bit as The Bear Man; Jariath Conroy as the Undertaker and Leon Rossum as the Sheriff.
The production design is both elegant and appropriately dire and the Coens' go-to Cinematographer Roger Deakins doesn't waste a single opportunity to capture the vast wilderness that was (and in some places still is) the Southwest at the turn of the last century. Often very funny but valiantly poignant, I must now amend my growing list of Top Ten Movies of 2010. And I am officially starting the campaign to nominate Hailee Steinfeld for "Best Actress." **** (Four out of Four Stars). True Grit is rated PG-13 for "intense sequences of Western violence" See this movie!
First, I must address something my sister brought up about last night's posts on the Best TV Shows of the Decade by saying she was shocked that I hadn't included "Fringe" on the list. While I do believe it is currently one of the best shows on TV, and should have at least been given an 'Honorable Mention' (something I'm adding to tonight's list), in a Top Ten list, there should only be 10. And while I could have placed it in a tie with another show, I don't think that would have been fair to either one. Of course, my sister has yet to actually comment here, rather than send me an email so maybe we'll wait to share her thoughts until she shares them herself...
Anyway, as promised, below are my picks for the Best Horror Movies of the Decade. That's not to say that all of them scared me. It takes an awful lot to actually scare Uncle P, and that hasn't happened in a very long time. But many of them either disturbed or unnerved me. All of them were exceptionally entertaining, for any number of reasons.
I know I have lots of Horror Fan readers. I hope you agree (but won't be in the least slighted if you don't). Here we go:
10: Saw (2004)
Yes, Saw. The franchise may have devolved into ridiculously convoluted parodies of itself, but the original from Australian writers James Wan and Leigh Whannell was exceptionally well-done and featured a twist ending that actually surprised yours truly, something M. Knight Shamalamdingdong has never been able to do. Directed by Wan and featuring a truly diverse cast which includes Cary Elwes; Danny Glover; Dina Myer; Monica Potter; Shawnee Smith and "Lost" alums Ken Leung and Michael Emmerson, Saw deserved all the attention it got at Sundance. Sadly, it didn't deserve any of its increasingly lame sequels.
9: Zombieland (2009)
While hardly the the first comedy to take on the genre, Zombieland gets extra points for its out-and-out ballsiness. Jesse Eisenberg; Woody Harrelson; Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin are having a ball as a group of survivors in search of a fabled "Zombie-Free Zone" at an amusement park in southern California. And I won't even get into the gut-bustingly funny cameo by Bill Murray.Warning: Here there be 'Evil You Know Whats' that sent Dear D into a fetal position in the corner of his seat. "Nut up or shut up!"
8: Slither (2006)
So many reasons to love this movie: gorgeous Nathan Fillion ("Castle;" "Firefly"); hot Elizabeth Banks (almosy every thing her husband Judd Apatow, directed); hilarious Gregg Henry ("The Gilmore Girls" and who should totally play Chance's father on "Human Target") and Michael Rooker ("The Walking Dead"); bad 80's horror homage; a billion and four jokes and the best line since Dead Alive* - "Somethin's wrong with me..." When a slug-like alien invades a small Southern town, the resulting zombie/alien/gross-out fun is as over-the-top as it gets. Writer/Director James Gunn wrote the screenplay to Zack Snyder's 2004 excellent remake of Dawn of the Dead.
7: The Devil's Rejects (2005)
Rocker turned director Rob Zombie's sequel to his debut film, House of 1000 Corpses, is as brutal and nasty as they come. An homage to 70's horror, The Devil's Rejects is a tale of revenge more than anything; has some of the most disturbing scenes in any movie; an amazing performance from Leslie Easterbrook and lunatics as only Sid Haig and Bill Mosely could portray them. Oh, yeah. it will forever change what you think about when you hear "Freebird."
6: The Mist (2007)
Frank Darabont has been one of the very directors to right by Stephen King. His versions of The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile are nearly flawless (I can't watch The Green Mile without bawling like a baby, no matter how many times I've seen it), so it's no wonder his adaptation of my favorite King short story is on this list. After an "incident" takes place at a military facility, a strange mist envelops the small town below, trapping a group of neighbors in the local grocery as unimaginable creatures roam outside, mostly unseen. Creepy and fun, The Mist features hottie Thomas Jane, Darabont favorites Laurie Holder and Jeffrey DeMunn (both in "The Walking Dead") and Marcia Gay Harden in a performance that would have been nominated if it wasn't in a horror movie. And Darabont's disturbing ending is actually far more effective than King's, which was completely ambiguous.
5: The Descent (2005)
Claustrophobic; terrifying; original... just a few words that describe British director Neil Marshall's Sophomore effort. A group of adventure-loving gals gather a year after a tragedy to continue their annual rite, this time caving in West Virginia. A cave-in leaves them trapped in an unexplored system where they soon find out that they are not alone. Grim, gory and tension-filled, The Descent should be seen in its original version, rather than the U.S. theatrical cut.
4: The Others (2001)
Taking a cue from classics like the original version of The Haunting and The Innocents, Spanish writer/director Alejandro Amenabar creates an atmospheric and creepy ghost tale about a war-widow (Nicole Kidman in an exceptional performance) and her photosensitive children. I may have figured out the movie's twist long before the reveal, but the reveal itself was so well done that I forgave its transparency. Creepy and unnerving without a single drop of blood or CGI demon, The Others is the kind of horror movie directors should aspire to make.
3: Trick 'r Treat (2007)
Michael Dougherty's massively entertaining anthology interweaves four stories that take place during a Midwestern town's Halloween celebration. Urban legends; werewolves; vampires; serial killers and a particularly nasty little fellow called Peeping Tommy all add up to one of a fun movie. The movie garnered festival raves, but never saw a theatrical release, making many genre fans (myself included) rabid to see it. When it finally came out on DVD in 2008, we weren't disappointed in the least. Word is, Dougherty is peparing a sequel, which will actually in theaters. I, for one, can't wait.
2: Let the Right One In (2008)
The Swedish adaptation of John Alvide Lyndqvist's novel about a vampire in sheep's clothing is both stylish and atmospheric. Like Matt Reeve's American take (Number 2 on my Best of 2010), it's a quiet film that lets the evil ooze through its cracks, while creating sympathetic characters with whom we can relate. A stunner.
1: Drag Me to Hell (2009)
I'll admit I may be prejudiced by the circumstances under which I first saw this film (shared with a group of people whom I love dearly and who all had such a good time together that night), but Sam Raimi's return to the genre that made him the director he is today is an outrageous, disgusting, hilarious and relentless rollercoaster of a movie that holds up (and actually gets better) after multiple viewings. Gorgeous Allison Loman and adorable Justin Long are the young couple beset by forces beyond their control and character actress Lorna Raver is the disgusting hag who sets things in motion. Raimi pulls out all the stops and delivers what is certainly the most entertaining horror movie of the decade.
Honorable Mentions:
Grace; 30 Days of Night; Let Me In; 28 Days Later; Shaun of the Dead; May; Cabin Fever; Planet Terror; Dawn of the Dead (2004); High Tension.
*Which still holds the title for Best Line in a Horror Movie with: "Your mother ate my dog!"
So, what do you think? Give me your picks in a comment. I always love hearing from you!
