If you don't already know, that's hottie Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), whose most recent film with reported girlfriend Renee Zellweger, Case 39 was less than boffo at the box office, as industry headlines would have put it (though I still very much want to see it, if only to see another performance from Jodelle Ferland, one of the most underrated child actors working today).
The gorgeous hirsute hunk has a new Sci-Fi movie coming out next year called Limitless, about a drug that unleashes the human brain's full potential, but with potentially deadly side-effects. Directed by Neil Burger (The Illusionist), it tells the story of an advertising copywriter (Cooper) who uses the chemical enhancement, only to discover that a shadowy group of killers is following his every move.
The movie also stars Robert DeNiro; Abby Cornish (Candy); Anna Friel (my much mourned "Pushing Daisies") and Johnny Whitworth ("CSI: Miami"). Limitless is scheduled for release in March of next year.The teaser below comes via i09:
Also via i09 comes the teaser for the crowd-financed Horror movie The Tunnel. From the lunatics at i09 comes the official synopsis:
"Set and filmed in the real maze of tunnels underneath Sydney, and using the truth as a starting point, The Tunnel tells the story of investigative journalist Natasha Warner, who leads a news crew underground to investigate why the government suddenly scrapped a plan to utilize the water in the disused underground train tunnels beneath Sydney's St James Train Station. They went down into the tunnels looking for a story - until the story found them."
The Aussie independent film is financed entirely through donations of $1 per frame. I'd probably describe this movie as a cross between The Descent and Rec. There's no official release date for The Tunnel, but you can bet that I'll among the first in line to see it when it hits my local cineplex.
Too late to post a proper Zombie Zone post, I thought I'd do dual duty and follow up on a post from a few days ago.
With only one episode of left (boo!) in its first season, AMC's runaway hit "The Walking Dead" offered up a rather reflective episode in "Wildfire." Devastated by the walkers' attack at the end of the last episode, the survivors are left to deal withe aftermath. As Daryl drives a pickax through the heads of every dead body in the camp, Adrea refuses to leave her sister Amy's body and it's discovered that Jim was bitten in the attack.
Rick decides that in order to help Jim, they must head to the CDC for help, reasoning it's probably closer and safer than the military base 100 miles in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, the only person left at the CDC is Jenner, who just lost his last hopeof finding a cure and is plotting his own suicide when our band of weary survivors shows up.
Back at the camp, Andrea places the mermaid necklace she looted around Amy's neck and when her hungry sister resurrects, Andrea apologizes for not protecting her, before blowing her zombified brains out. Glenn has it out with Daryl over which bodies get buried and which get burned. And let's not forget Shane, his leadership and relationship usurped by Rick's return, Shane contemplates killing Rick, but is stopped when Dale (Jeffrey DeMunn of The Mist and The Green Mile) intrudes. Shane ultimately acquiesces and the group is soon headed out to the CDC, sans the Morales family, who head off in search of other surviving family members. Jim begs them leave him to die at the side of road, and after a short debate, they agree to abide by his wishes.
Our band arrives at the CDC, only to find it closed up. Rick, sure it must have been done so from the inside, insists there is help inside, while the others think it must be abandoned and want to leave. When Rick sees a security camera move, he makes an impassioned plea which goes ignored until just as they are about to leave.
I can't wait to see what happens in episode 6, though I must admit to being mightily ticked to have to wait until next fall for the next season.
And speaking of waiting, the writers at Fox's "Fringe" have finally sent the Olivias to their respective homes.
In this week's brilliant episode "Entrada," Peter gets a phone call that tips him off to what's been going on; Olivia convinces Alt-Broyles to help her get home (at the ultimate cost to him) and Walter wisely requests that he not be given a gun.
Personally, I was hoping for a show-down between Olivia and Faux-livia (which we may still get), but was glad to finally have the 'real' Olivia freed from the nightmare that the altverse had become for her. The episode benefited from some amazing performances from the entire cast, and the expert writing by J.J. Abrams and company. If you aren't watching "Fringe," you are missing out on the best TV Sci-Fi series, ever.
I was having issues with Blogger last night, so this is going to a big ole combo post.
That's the teaser poster for Apollo 18, the latest "found footage" movie. It's a fictional account of a real event, the 1970 aborted Apollo 18 mission to the moon. It's listed on IMDb as being in "pre-production," but with a release date of March, I must assume shooting is about to begin any day now. Written by first-timer Brian Miller and directed by Gonzalo Lopez (the 2008 Spanish thriller Enbrion), Apollo 18 apparently posits an alien encounter on the moon. I just love that tagline: "There's a reason we've never gone back to the moon."
Of course, it's certainly not the only 'found-footage' movie scheduled for next year. We've already seen the teaser for J.J. Abrams' next film, Super 8 (what the hell is in that train car?) and now comes this super-weird bit of whackness from District 9 director Neil Blomkamp:
It sort of reminds me of the whole Montauk Monster thing from a few years ago.
Now that I've covered the Weird and the Wild, let's move on to the Adorable. I've already gone on about how adorable I find "Glee"'s newest cast member, Darren Criss. His cover of Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" has become the fastest selling "Glee" single ever. And while last week's episode of "Glee" served to remind me of exactly why I love the show in the first place, this week's episode was actually even better. Not only did it finally address the gay-bullying issue, it had the wedding between Finn's mother and Kurt's father, which featured a tribute to the famous JK Wedding Dance viral video. And as an added bonus, the amazing Carol Burnett (who so generously donated to the JTMF 5th Anniversary Silent Auction) as Sue Sylvester's Nazi-hunting mother. Could it get any better? Maybe...
Here's a sneak peak of Criss and Chris Colfer (Kurt) performing Train's over-used "Hey, Soul Sister" (though in this case, I'm willing to listen to it again):
If I were 20 years younger...
Which weirdly brings us to the gay portion of tonight's post. Via Towleroad come these next two videos. First up, NYC drag performer Sherry Vine in a parody of Katy Perry's (why is she so parody-able?) "Firework." Here's "Firecrotch!":
And from the same boys who gave us the gay versions of Katy Perry's "Peacock" and "California Gurls," (see what I mean?) comes this version of Ke$ha's "We R Who We R:"
Did I miss anything? I don't think so...
Tomorrow will be the last Turkey of the Month posts and I think I've found something really special to celebrate the turkiest of holidays.
I wish you and yours the very best, this Thanksgiving. Uncle P gets a bit sentimental this time of year, so be forewarned that there may be some uncharacteristic sentimentality in forthcoming posts. If you are reading this from outside the U.S. (as I know a few of my few followers are), you won't really get the turkey jokes, but trust me, here they are hilarious.
In 1986, George Star Wars Lucas was sure that his next hit would be the big-screen adaptation of the Marvel Comics undergound hit Howard the Duck. Casting Lea Thompson (hot off of Red Dawn and Space Camp); Jeffrey Jones (Ferris Beuller's Day Off) and Tim Robbins (Top Gun) in a story about an extraterrestrial avian brought to Earth via a mad scientist's laser beam, Lucas and company were sure they had a massive hit with this craptatstic adaptation.
While Steve Gerber's randy adult comic book was subversive and original, the adaptation directed by William Huyck (best known for directing the 1979 comedy French Postcards and writing Lucas' first hit American Graffiti) is quite simply a mess of excess. Everything about this movie is so over-the-top (including Thompson's ridiculously huge 80's "big hair"), there's no where to go. While Howard may have worked as a subversive pen-and-ink anti-hero, but he flopped massively as a a celluloid action hero. And deservedly so, given the excessive effects budget and poorly written screenplay.
Featuring ridiculous performances; really bad special effects; icky inter-species sex and one of the most expensive puppets in film history, Howard the Duck is the one the 1980's worst big-budget movies and (until the later Star Wars films) the nadir of George Lucas' career.
Uncle P knows he saw this movie on VHS in the 80's, but his memories of it are buried deep in the vault of things he'd rather forget. Stupid, vapid and painfully unwatchable, Howard the Duck is perhaps the epitome of everything that was wrong about the 1980's (and that includes rat-tails; parachute pants and jellies).
I'd like to think that even though I was a "New Wave" kid in the 80's, I was still above this kind of lameness, though I'll bet if you ask any of my contemporaries, they'd be just as embarrassed by this crap as I am...
Have you ever paid money to see a movie that was just awful, but you refused to leave because you had already paid? For your Uncle P, that movie was 2000's Battlefield Earth, a stinker of epic proportions starring John Travolta in a screen adaptation of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's Sci-Fi novel.
Travolta plays Terl, Security Chief of an alien race called the Psychlos, who in the year 3000 have enslaved mankind and are stripping the Earth of its natural resources (as if we aren't doing a good enough job of that, ourselves). The Psychlos are 8 feet tall, use breathing apparatus that look like snot running out their noses and wear dreds because they are apparently big Ziggy Marley fans. Barry Pepper (The Green Mile) is Jonnie, the only human left with any balls, who leads a revolution against the stupid alien overlords. Forest Whittaker (who really should have known better) is a Psychlo named Ker, looking like a mentally challenged Klingon.
The dialog is ridiculous, the acting is only slightly better than that in a sixth grade Christmas pageant and the "Special Effects" are short-bus special, if you know what I mean. Produced by Travolta to honor his Loony Toons cult's founder and directed by Corey Mandell and J.D. Shapiro (who have 8 credits between them - Mandell never directed again), Battlefield Earth is the kind of movie you watch because you just can't believe it's as bad as your friends tell you it is. Even other Scientologists will tell you that Battlefield Earth stinks -- but only in private, lest their evil alien overlords drag them away for three years of "reconditioning." Check it out:
Travolta's peculiarly high-pitched voiced sounds particularly silly when coming out of that over-sized head. This movie is so bad, I have literally blocked it's details from my memory. Happily, some one found a way to make it better (or at least tolerable):
Oh, dear. That was just as horrible, wasn't it? Sorry.
If you've never seen Battlefield Earth (and I honestly cannot recommend that you do so), but find yourself compelled to, make sure its the Rifftrax version (and you might want to watch it 4:20...):
NBC's last big fantasy series "Heroes" crashed and burned in two seasons, while languishing on for two more. ABC's last big fantasy series "Lost" ran for a strong, well-planned six seasons, culminating in a derisive, but mostly satisfying finale. Lusting after the same kind of success, NBC's latest entry in the genre is "The Event," a show they promoted ad nauseum all summer long.
"What is 'The Event?'" the promos asked, over and over again. And I must admit, my curiosity was piqued. And now that I've seen the first two episodes, I can honestly say... "Meh."
"The Event" has a likable and (mostly) attractive enough cast: Jason Ritter (son of the late John, most recently seen on "Parenthood"); Blair Underwood ("Dirty Sexy Money;" "The New Adventures of Old Christine"); Laura Innes ("E.R."); Scott Patterson ("The Gilmore Girls") and "Heroes" and "Damages" alum Zeljko Ivanek are joined by a bunch of folks you've seen a million times, including hotties Wes Ramsey and Ian Anthony Dale.
So far, the plot concerns a vast conspiracy dating back to the 1940's when a group of aliens apparently crash-landed in the Alaskan mountains, where the majority of them have since been held in a top-secret facility. Led by the mysterious Sophia (Innes), the aliens are keeping a secret which will apparently have a major impact on the world. Meanwhile, lovers Sean (Ritter) and Leila (Sarah Roemer) have been separated while on a cruise. Leila's father Michael (Patterson) is a pilot who is forced (it's a long story) to fly a plane into the Presidential Compound in Miami, where President Elias Martinez (Underwood) is about to hold a press conference revealing the presence of the ETs. The ETs magically transport the plane to the Arizona desert at the last minute. Sean, aboard the plane in an attempt to stop his future father-in-law from killing the Prez is the only survivor to escape, only to be arrested for the murder of Greg (Dale), a guy he and Leila met while on the cruise. Greg's girlfriend Vicky (Taylor Cole) is not who she presents herself to be and everyone is completely confused by what's going on.
Two episodes in and we already have more answers than "Lost" gave us in it's first season, but the time-jumping plot already seems threadworn and annoying. I really want to like "The Event" (especially thanks to its charismatic cast) and I hope it gets better as it goes along, though I don't hold much hope for it reaching whatever conclusion the writers have in mind. An especially icky moment where an alien in CIA disguise removes a fake vein from his arm was most effective in episode 2, but I somehow want more conspiracy and less boring character background -- the scene in which Sean and Leila meet, 5 years before the events of "The Event," seemed particularly contrived and silly, especially since it had absolutely nothing to do with what is happening in the story's present timeline. Kudos, though, to the inclusion of Tony "Candyman" Todd as General Whitman in Episode 1 Let's hope the writers of "The Event" are smart enough to keep us interested throughout whatever it is they have planned for us. I really like this cast and hope they have a long-enough run to make my attention worthwhile. **1/2 (Two and a Half Stars Out of Four).
And on a side note: RIP Arthur Penn, director of Bonnie and Clyde, among other iconic works. That's 2 out of 3...
Obsessed with Film has this review of the newly restored version of Fritz Lang's iconic silent Sci-Fi film, Metropolis. A nearly full-length version was discovered in a Argentinian museum in 2008, and the current version was taken from that print.
Uncle P has been a fan of this movie for almost as long as he can remember. It's the movie that taught me that images can be so more more powerful than words and was my choice for viewing in the first film class I ever took. Released in 1927, Metropolis garnered rave reviews, but was cut down from its original 205 minute running time (extraordinary for a film made in 1926) for subsequent releases. In 1984, musician/filmmaker Giorgio Moroder released a 90 minute version with a pop-music score (the first CD I ever bought) and additional title cards to make up for the assumed-missing scenes. 25 minutes have now been added to the film, including new title cards for the scenes too damaged to include. While not exactly Lang's cut, the current re-release is probably the closest modern audiences can come to the original version of this 84 year-old classic.
Best known for this film and the Peter Lorre classic M, Lang's movie was exceptionally ahead of its time in both terms of special effects and story-telling. Indeed, Karel Capek had only introduced the word "robot" into the language just 6 years earlier in his play R.U.R. (a dreadfully boring play in which Uncle P made his college theatre debut).
With a screenplay by the original novelist Thea von Harbou, Metropolis is rather simplistic by today's standards, telling the story of a supposedly Utopian society where the privileged live in luxury above ground, while proletariat workers toil like slaves in a vast underground complex. Enter the beautiful Maria, who preaches peace and equality to the proles, and with whom the protagonist Freder, falls hopelessly in love. Of course, Freder's father runs the whole place and wants to incite a riot among the workers so he can justify replacing them with machines. To that end, he hires mad scientist Rotwang to replace Maria with a robot who will rile the workers into a frenzy. Creating effects that would be used well into the 1960's, Lang managed to make a movie that would influence filmmakers from Stanley Kubrick to Stephen Spielberg and inspire writers such as Ray Bradbury and Philip K. Dick. A rather extraordinary accomplishment for a burgeoning media, don't you think?
Here's the trailer for the film's latest incarnation:
More, anon. Prospero
PS - In semi-related movie news, Uncle P received an email today from a director interested in Army of the Dead. Keep your fingers crossed (again).
I was going to do a post about the Emmy Awards tonight, but I became so enraged at NBC's sound engineers for making most of what the usually hilarious John Hodges Hodgman had to say unintelligible, that I turned it off. I was also upset that the Academy didn't recognize the genius of Michael Emerson's performance on the final season of "Lost," though I must admit to being thrilled by Kyra Sedgwick's win for her work on the always excellent "The Closer."
I know I just blogged about Gene Kelly and his extraordinary dancing prowess. But I ran across the video below on Bits and Pieces, and just had to take a few minutes to talk about it.
This certainly isn't the first time that the song Singin' in the Rain has been used for a Sci-Fi movie. Most notoriously, it was used in Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange. The song is sung as Alex (Malcolm McDowell) and his 'droogies' commit a heinous home invasion and rape. I couldn't embed a clip, but you can see it here. I love that the doorbell in that scene plays the first four notes of Beethoven's 9th Symphony... Death certainly knocked on the door that evening...
So, what does it mean when an Imperial Stormtrooper and his two Mini-Mes do their own version of the iconic number? I have no idea. I just know it's fun. Enjoy:
A packed rehearsal schedule for Top Girls and the seasonal shift change at the day job may mean that Uncle P might not be posting much this week, though I promise to do my best to keep you informed and entertained (assuming I do either if those things for you).
Revered stage and screen actress Patricia Neal passed away today at age 84. Ms. Neal won an Academy Award for her performance in Hud and was nominated for her performance in The Subject Was Roses; both terrific movies featuring performances by an amazing woman who fought her way back from a series of strokes, the first of which left her unable to speak or walk.
Most of the major news outlets have covered only that much of her career, failing to mention her performance as Mrs. Keller in the original production of The Miracle Worker; her marriage to children's author Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory; Matilda) or her role opposite future President Ronald Reagan in the romantic comedy John Loves Mary. Personally, I will remember Ms. Neal best as Helen Benson in director Robert Wise's (The Haunting) thoughtful 1951 Sci-Fi drama, The Day the Earth Stood Still.
WWII had recently come to an explosive (to say the least) end and the threat of nuclear annihilation was on almost every American's mind as the Cold War started it's 30+ years of scaring both children and adults. School kids were taught to "Duck and Cover" via partially animated films (as if that would actually help) and personal bomb shelters were all the rage when Wise and screenwriter Edmund H. North made their iconic movie about an alien named Klaatu (Michael Rennie) and his robot Gort, who were sent to Earth to warn us that unless we stopped our evil, war-like ways, we risked destruction at the hands of the peace-loving aliens throughout the galaxy. Ms. Neal was the human envoy who made personal contact with Klaatu and managed to deliver the classic line (without giggling) to Gort, thereby stopping his pre-programmed destruction of the planet.
Forget the godawful 2008 Keanu Reevesremake and take the time to watch this thoughtful and surprising anti-war film, which still pops up now and then on AMC and TCM (though I imagine it will get some play, now that Ms. Neal has passed). You won't be disappointed.
I'm both exhausted and wound-up from my rather whirlwind Birthday at Coney Island and I wanted to make sure I talked about this movie while it was still relatively fresh in mind, having actually seen it last night.And you should know that I deliberately read only one review and won't read any others until after I have finished posting this. I will try my best to not be spoilery, as I know not all of you have seen it yet. And I will try not to gush too much, because I'm certainly aware that there's an awful lot of gushing about this film, already.
I suppose I should start by saying that I have never really been a Leonardo DiCaprio fan. I think I said before that he appears to finally be aging into his looks. Not that I find him attractive at all, but he is certainly less creepy-looking to me (Haters stop now, aesthetics are purely subjective). Still, no matter what I may think the film's star, I so very much like the film's director and the rest of the film's cast, that I was willing to forgo my DiCap-reversion and am happy to admit that I am not in the least bit sorry that I did.
In Inception, the latest film from Writer/Director Christoper Nolan (The Dark Knight; The Prestige), DiCaprio plays Cobb, an industrial spy who uses a "not strictly-speaking legal" technology to extract information from a person's subconscious by willfully invading their dreams. Cobb is also wanted for a crime which he keeps him from rejoining his children in the U.S. and agrees to one last job working for Japanese mogul Saito (Ken Wattanabe) in exchange for a phone call which will exonerate him, forever. But this time, the client wants an idea implanted in his rival, a process known as "Inception."
Nolan's layered (both literally and figuratively) film explores all sorts of concepts of time and perception, as well as their effects on the unswerving Human Condition. Heady stuff? Perhaps, but not nearly as dense (or "too smart") as I have heard complaints of. Yes, it's complicated, but if you pay attention (and Nolan gives his audience plenty of reason to, right off the bat), it follows its interior logic flawlessly. Like Nolan's previous best film, The Prestige, Inception is a cinematic puzzle whose journey is equally (if not more so) important as the payoff. Think of it as a visual maze, if you will. And Nolan's script, far from exposition-heavy as some critics have said, keeps the action moving forward at exactly the right pace, dispensing relevant information as and when necessary. Wisely starting the movie with the central conceit's technology already in place, Nolan forces the audience into accepting its validity, whether they want to, or not. The premise works because he says so, and we're okay with that.
Of course, dream invasion has been the subject of plenty of films in the past. 1984 saw both the Dennis Quaid vehicle Dreamscape and Wes Craven's original A Nightmare on Elm Street. And there are plenty of famous dream sequences (and even dream movies) throughout film history. So what sets Nolan's film apart? Well, for one thing, he has assembled a cast that is more than up to the demands of the film's intricacies. DiCaprio is fine here as a tortured professional with family (particularly wifely) issues. His determination to be with his children again is the driving factor in taking on this particularly difficult and dangerous assignment, all while he struggles with guilt and doubt of his own. In her best performance since Hard Candy, Ellen Page is the newly recruited "architect," responsible for creating the dreamscape. The always excellent Joseph Gordon-Levitt; Drag Me to Hell's Dileep Rao and hot up-and-coming Brit bear Tom Hardy make up the rest of Cobb's team, each with his or her own specialty. Marion Cotillard is Cobb's disruptive wife Mol, while Tom Berenger (sadly looking every day of his age); Pete Postlethwiate; Lukas Haas and Nolan regulars Michael Caine and He-of-the-Exquisite-Cheekbones-and-Dreamy-Blue-Doe-Eyes, Cillian Murphy, round out the exceptional supporting cast.
As for the much-talked-about visual effects...? They were flawless and indeed, unlike anything you've ever seen before. And, I am delighted to report, NOT in GD 3D! The trailers are merely the tip of the iceberg. My companions and I saw it on a regular AMC large screen, and it was still astonishing. Nolan, Cinematographer Wally Pfister and Production Designer Guy Dyas have constructed a labyrinthine world worthy of anything M.C. Escher could have devised, yet strikingly original and just off-setting enough to keep you on your toes.
As with Memento and The Prestige, the audience must pay careful attention to Inception's plot as it unfolds. But also like those aforementioned movies, Nolan's direction grabs and holds your attention from the very first image, to the very last. Hans Zimmer's pounding, pulsating score helps ratchet up the tension most effectively.
Inception is a movie that demands to be seen on a gigantic screen in order to fully appreciate it. Smart; sublime; introspective; philosophical and just down right entertaining, Inception is the single best movie I have seen all summer, if not, all year. **** (Four Stars)
Today marks the 2nd Anniversary of Caliban's Revenge, and I had my sister bake me a cake just for the occasion. Mmmm-mmmm, Bedelia!
Actually, I do wish my sister would make me a zombie cake. She hasn't done one, as far as know, but she's getting pretty good and with the right design, I'd bet she do a kick-ass job, too. And since this is the 2nd time I've mentioned zombie cakes and how great I think she'd be at making them, I hope she gets the hint and has a zombie-riffic surprise waiting for m ethe next time I come to visit.
Anyway, since this the Official Anniversary of the blog, I thought it would be fun to revisit and update the very first post I ever wrote, long before I learned how to embed videos, add pictures and create hyperlinks. You can revisit the original, primitive post here, if you want to compare. I'm going last to first, this time and I've beefed up the commentary quite a bit, in addition to adding as much video as possible and links to the original films' posters and stills. My writing style has also changed quite a bit in the last two years, as I have become more comfortable revealing more about myself with my readers.
Of course, if it weren't for Caliban's Revenge, I never would have 'met' the fabulous Stephen Rader; the free-spirited Post Apocalyptic Bohemian or the adorable (and currently CBF*-afflicted) Sean at Just a Jeep Guy, all of whom were among my first followers and all of whom I have come to think of as friends. The Fates only know what would happen if we all got together in the flesh at the same piano bar -- some sort of rainbow-leather-unicorn-spandex-bearsplosion, probably. Or a brand-new version of "The Golden Girls." I'd have to be Dorothy, I guess.
*Carol Brady Flip, poor thing. BTW - Who the hell even imagined that Florence Effing Henderson created the mullet? Damn you and your Wesson oil, woman!
I know I complain about sequels and remakes all the time, but there are some movies that deserve a second (or third) version for modern audiences. And with that in mind, here are:
Ten Fantasy/Horror/Sci-Fi Movies that Should be Remade.
Based on the novel co-authored by William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson, Logan's Run is a dystopian tale about a hedonistic 23rd Century society which values youth and beauty above all else. At birth, each citizen is given a palm implant which turns red upon it's wearer's 30th birthday (21st, in the book), whereupon they are to report to something called 'Carousel' for Re-birthing. Those who try to escape Carousel are called Runners and the special police assigned to catch them are called Sandmen. Logan is a Sandman who falls in love and becomes a Runner. The movie starred Michael York; Jenny Agutter; Richard Jordan; Farrah Fawcett and Peter Ustinov. It won an Academy Award for its by-now-not-so-special effects, but was hardly the definitive version of the novel. Lots of attractive, scantily-clad people don't hurt.
How to Fix It: Go back to the source material. Nolan and Johnson haven't exactly written a masterpiece, but the book is so much more compelling that the screenplay by David Goodman. Hire David Goyer for the re-write.
Directed By: Stephen Spielberg. No one handles thoughtful Sci-Fi like he does. If he keeps the CGI to a minimum and approaches it from it's most human level, it could be one his many masterpieces.
Remake Prognosis: This property has been kicking around for almost 40 years. I'll believe it when I see it.
This Rankin-Bass adaptation of Tokien's LOTR prequel featured a premiere cast of voice artists (including the astonishing performance artist Brother Theodore as Gollum). Of course, we all know that Mexican auteur Guillermo del Toro has moved on as director of the Peter Jackson produced live-action version and ridiculous rumors abound on the Net about where the project is headed.
How to Fix It: Jackson and his team have already been at work on a screenplay. In order to make it stylistically consistent with Jackson's trilogy, the obvious thing for him to do is direct it himself.
Who Should Star: Obviously Ian McKellen, Andy Sirkus and Cate Blanchett should reprise their roles, though I would probably cast a complete unknown as Bilbo.
I know - blasphemy, right? Well, nothing could be more blasphemous to Robert Wise's brilliant and terrifying adaptation of Shirley Jackson's "The Haunting of Hill House" than Jan DeBont's beyond-atrocious 1999 remake. Julie Harris, Russ Tamblyn and Claire Bloom lead the cast of Wise's pants-poopingly scary movie, while Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta Jones and Lily Taylor head up the ridiculous remake.
How to Fix It: Again, it boils down to the source. Jackson is one of maybe four authors who have actually managed to keep me awake at night. How hard can it be?
William Friedkin's masterpiece has been called the "Scariest Movie of All Time," by more than one critic, blogger or movie fan. I have to disagree. If you are a Christian (and in particular a Catholic), I can understand how this movie may have affected you. But by the time I saw it (six years after its original release), I had pretty much concluded that the Devil was bullcrap and I found myself oddly unaffected. I did attend a screening of the 25th Anniversary Edition, which included the infamous "spider-walk" sequence, though I had much the same reaction. I think it was the obviously fake head-spin that did me in.
How To Fix It: Replace Dick Smith's then state-of-the-art physical makeup effects with limited, quality CGI.
This early Brian DePalma film involves a pair of once-conjoined twins, one of whom is homicidal. A pre-Superman Margot Kidder stars in DePalma's first, low-budget attempt at an Hitchcockian thriller.
How To Fix It: A real budget would help. And a script from someone like Christopher McQuarrie wouldn't hurt.
Who Should Star: As Danielle and Dominique, Anne Hathaway could finally break away from the good girl roles that have defined her career so far.
Who Should Direct: This is the perfect opportunity for Adrian Lynne to make a comeback.
Director Frank Darabont continues to list this film among his upcoming projects, though there as been little progress on the project in several years. The original adaptation of Ray Bradbury's dystopian novel, directed by French auteur Francois Truffaut is a sterile, joyless film which somehow misses the point (and homespun appeal) of Bradbury's celebration of literature.
How To Fix It: For the third time in this post, I suggest a return to the source. This future may be dystopian, but Bradbury's style is what makes the story so compelling.
Neither Stanley Kubrick's 1980 adaptation nor Mick Garris' 1997 TV version fully capture the sheer terror of Stephen King's novel about a haunted hotel in Colorado and the family drawn into it's evil. While making a fine film, Kubrick's version is miles away from what King wrote, and while Farris' TV version is closer to the source, it still lacks the sense of dread King manages to build in the novel.
How To Fix It: Once again, I have to go with the source. King is among those few who keep me awake, and "The Shining" is one of the first novels to do that to me. A Darabont-scripted adaption would rock the house.
John Boorman's take on the Arthurian legend is a gorgeous (if languid) version of "The Once and Future King," starring Nigel Terry; Helen Mirren; Gabriel Byrne; Nicol Williamson; Liam Neeson; Patrick Stewart and the almost beatific Nicholas Clay, is lovely to look at, if nothing else.
How To Fix It: How many times do I need to say it? Source, source, source.
Who Should Star: This is a really difficult one. Rufus Sewell as Arthur (?); Jude Law as Lancelot; Jake Gyllenhall as Gawain; Gwenneth Paltrow as Guenevere and Johnny Depp as Merlin.
Who Should Direct: Since del Toro is off The Hobbit...
Author Peter Straub's brilliantly layered novel of ancient evil was given short shrift in the 1981 movie which explored only one aspect of the novel's complex plot. The ancient cast of venerables still held some level of relevance in 1981 and included Fred Astaire; Melvyn Douglas; Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and John Houseman. Almost-was Craig Wasson was the young hero, while future Borg Queen and genre fave Alice Krige marked her feature debut. Larry Cohen's screenplay lacks the depth and intensity of Straub's novel, while John Irvin's direction is workman-like, at best.
How to Fix It: Um... hello? Have you been reading this post? Peter Straub is the author and/or co-author of four of my all-time favorite novels (we'll save those** for another post) and "Ghost Story" proved to be one of the most complex and original horror novels I had ever read.
Who Should Star: Robert Redford; Clint Eastwood; Hal Holbrook; James Garner; Dominick West and Cate Blanchett.
Who Should Direct: Calling Mr. Fincher. Mr. David Fincher? I have a suggestion for a David Fincher...
A very special English teacher by the name of Jack Fogarty introduced me the works of Arthur Conan Doyle; Agatha Christie and Ray Bradbury when I was 13 or so, just about the age of Bradbury's protagonist in the novel. Having grown up attending the NJ State Fair and spending day trips on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights, my affinity for carnivals was set in place as firmly as my father's love of classic horror movies. When I read the book (the very first I was able to dissect, academically), I pictured myself as young Will, fighting against forces he can't possibly understand with only the power of his father's love to protect him. Disney's disappointing film version stars Jason Robards, Jonathan Price, Diane Ladd, Royal Dano and Pam Greer and (much like Ghost Story), barely grazes the surface of Bradbury's novel.
How to Fix It: Nope. Not gonna say it again.
Who Should Star: Kelsey Grammer as Will's Dad; Alan Rickman as Mr. Dark; Jim Carrey as Tom Fury; Diane Lane as Mrs. Nightshade; Beyonce as the Dust Witch and two young unknowns as Will and Jim.
Who Should Direct: Guillermo del Toro would have a field day with this material.
Remake Prognosis: I heard some early rumblings about a remake a few years back, but Disney has been pretty quiet on the subject. Maybe if the Tron sequel is a hit...
So, what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss something you'd like to see redone? Over the next few days, I'll be revisiting several old posts as part of the Anniversary Celebration. Check them out and let me know what you think. You know I love hearing from you.
More, anon. Prospero
** 4 of my 10 favorite novels: Ghost Story; Shadowland; Floating Dragon; The Talisman
As I am sure you all know by now, Splice is director and co-writer Vincent Natali's personal take on Mary Shelley's tale of an obsessed scientist who creates life. In fact, in a rather amusing nod to it's inspiration, the scientists are named for two actors from James Whales' masterpiece The Bride of Frankenstein, Colin Clive and Elsa Lanchester.
Splice starts off with a literal birth, shot from the newborn's point of view - an exceptionally traumatic event which ends well when the newborn is saved by Clive and Elsa, it's "parents." Well, "his" parents, I suppose as they name the curiously phallic (seriously, it's a huge penis) beastie 'Fred' and introduce him to the equally phallic "Ginger." A sort of french kiss imprinting ensues and the scientists celebrate. And so ends any happy thing for the rest of this icky and silly movie that both could have and should have been better than it was.
Of course, the big evil pharma that Clive and Elsa work for only wants the protein these things create to synthesize the next big miracle drug... or something. We know they're an evil corporation because the "Bottom Line" is their only interest. Obsessed Elsa pushes her totally p-whipped boyfriend Clive into conducting secret, illegal experiments using human DNA, just to see if they can. Apparently, Horror and Sci-Fi just don't exist in this world, and no one has learned the ancient and oft repeated cautionary: Don't Play God, Dumbass! But no, they create a "child," whom Elsa later names Dren (another double-joke involving the exceptionally unlikely acronym of their lab's name). Dren, with her ostrich like legs, prehensile toes, impossibly huge eyes and poison-stingered tail is certainly a curious (and beautifully-rendered) creature, even if she too, starts out looking like a walking penis. (I swear... ask D.) And there are plenty of other disturbing elements of this movie that put the ick in icky, that I'll get to later..
Sarah Polley's Elsa is woman of only the best intentions, who can't allow morality to stand in the way of scientific progress. Polley, usually a fine actress and director, plays the role a little too intensely, bordering on the silly, at times. Brody's Clive is a mopey nerd who only goes along with it because he knows he could never really get a girl as hot as Polley in real in life. That's really the only thing I could think might have been the character's motivation for going along with his gal's plan, even as the situation grows more and more dire. Then there's Dren, played as a child by Abigail Chu and as an adult by Delphine Chaneac, a chirping, clicking and super-intelligent sub-human in a dress. Assisted by both make-up and digital manipulation, Dren is just attractive enough to make us want to be empathetic, but dangerous enough to be wary of. The FX here are creepily effective and one of the movie's only two strengths, though Chu and Chaneac both give remarkable physical performances, even through all that fiddling with their appearances.
Despite a silly and exceptionally early montage, Splice starts out as a slick take on a classic Sci-Fi Thriller. Sadly, the plot stalls in the second act (D told me it all made him uncomfortable, in the way that being around specials needs children make some people uncomfortable. Ouch!), including a scene during which I turned to D and whispered "Puttah on de Riiiii..." and the ickiest sex scene since One Night in Paris. The third act simply degenerates into a not-particularly scary or even exciting monster hunt. What should have been a seat-jumping thrill ride, instead becomes over-thought, over-wrought psycho-drama. What Splice really lacked to make it successful, was any sort of real suspense or surprise. Borrowing heavily from those that came before (and not ironically or in recognizable homage), Splice references plots and visuals from Alien; It's Alive; Species; Jurassic Park; The Fly and dozens of other better movies, but debases those films' plot devices by tying them all together rather sloppily.
While unlike D (who turned to me after it was over and said "I so hated this movie! I never want to see it again"*), I didn't hate Splice, but I didn't really like it. It wasn't bad, exactly. It just wasn't very good, either. It's a shame, because I really like the previous work of the folks involved and so I suppose I somehow expected more. It seems like every one was more interested in a paycheck than in making a good movie, which is sadly more and more the case.
Oh, I mentioned two good things about the movie. You know I love film scores ( a full third of my music collection are soundtracks and scores). Well, the score by relative newcomer Cyrille Aufort is immediately going on my Amazon wish list. When, like with Avatar, the most effective thing about the movie is its score, you know something went very wrong. Natali's Cube was a promising debut. Let's hope Splice is simply a sophomore slump. Splice is rated R for language , gory violence and sexual situations. *1/2 (One and a Half out of Four Stars), for the score, effects and physical acting only. Save your money and wait for it on cable.
*D, bless his heart, likes some pretty bad movies, so you know if he hated it, it's bad.
Summer movies are usually big-budget actioners with top-name stars, written directed by seasoned veterans who know how to attract audiences. This year... not so much. I can count on one hand the movies I really want to see this summer, and none of them star Russell Crowe, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jake Gyllenhaal or Tom Cruise.
Last year, I looked forward to seeing District 9; Star Trek; Orphan; Drag Me to Hell; Up; Zombieland and a slew of promising indies and foreign films like Thirst; Dead Snow; I Sell the Dead and 500 Days of Summer. This year... well... I do want see a few movies.
Four things will make me want to see a movie: an amazing cast; an amazing director; an amazing screenwriter and an original concept. That really leaves very few movies that pique my interest this summer.
First up, is next weekend's Sci-Fi/Horror flick from Canadian director Vincenzo Natali (Cube), Splice, starring Adrian Brody (King Kong) and Sarah Polley (Dawn of the Dead). It's a cautionary tale about two geneticists who perform an illegal experiment combining human and animal DNA.
As with last year's Drag Me to Hell, about half my JTMF cast will be joining me on Friday to see what could be either an awesome take on the "Frankenstein" mythos, or a completely lame FX-laden monster movie. The proof, as they say, will be in the pudding.
Then there is Micmacs, from French Director Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Amelie; City of Lost Children). Micmacs a steampunkish fantasy about a rag-tag group of tinkerers who try to take down a major weapons manufacturer. The trailer looks amazing, and if it's anything like Jeunet's other films, I know I'm going to love it.
June 18th brings us Josh Brolin as Jonah Hex, an Old West gunslinger with supernatural powers, based on the DC comic from John Albano and Tony Dezuniga. With a cast that reads like a "Who's Who" list (John Malkovich; Will Arnett; Aiden Quinn; Lance Reddick). Hex could well be the next Iron Man, if director Jimmy Hayward (Horton Hears a Who) gets it right. My only concern is the presence of the less-than-talented Megan Fox.
The next "Must See" on my list doesn't open until July 16th, but as with The Dark Knight, I suspect writer/director Christopher Nolan will have quite a birthday present in store for me with Inception:
Normally, I'm not a Dicaprio fan. I find his looks to be on the creepy side and his talent modest, at best. But the rest of the cast, which also includes Ellen Page; Michael Caine; Ken Watanabe; Marion Cotillard; Cillian Murphy; Tom Berenger; Lucas Haas and Dileep Rao are all amazing and with Nolan at the helm, I'll probably be loving this movie.
Finally, August 3th brings us Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, another movie based on a graphic novel (by Bryan lee O'Malley). Indie darling Michael Cera stars as the titular character, who must fight off a series of supernatural villains to win the love of the girl he loves. My excitement for this movie comes from director Edgar Wright, whose Shaun of the Dead is one of the best (and funniest) zombie movies ever made.
Of course, the presence of Brandon Routh and Chris Evans does nothing to impair my judgment on this one...
So, those are the movies which I am most looking forward to seeing this coming summer. How about you?
