The Reviews Are In

And they ain't pretty. 

On what was supposed to have been the opening day of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, now postponed until March 15th and still in previews since November, national theatre critics could no longer hold their tongues and let the vitriol spill toward this ill-conceived (if not downright stupid) musical.

Most vicious was Ben Brantly at the New York Times (full review here) who said the show is "...so grievously broken in every aspect that it is beyond repair." And "...only when things go wrong in this production does it remotely feel right - if, by right, one means entertaining." Yikes!

Less nasty, but equally disdainful, Charles McNulty of the L.A. Times said "Incoherence isn't much fun to sit through." He also says the show's failure "...rests squarely on Taymor's run-amok direction." McNulty's full review is here. Meanwhile, Chris Jones of the Chicago Tribune writes that show's woes boil down to "...an incoherent story." Jones seems to genuinely want to like the show in his review, but just can't. Peter Marks in The Washington Post laments "...the creature that most often spreads its wings at the Foxwoods (Theatre) is a Turkey" and that "...its more appropriate home might be off a highway in Orlando." (Ouch!)

Personally, I've said from the first moment I heard about the show that it was destined for failure. And while I may delight in a sense of schadenfreude (a word I've been using a lot, lately), I can't help but feel bad for the hardworking cast and crew of Spider-Man. I know from personal experience how tough it can be to put a show a together. But I also know that without a story to hold the audience's interest and without characters to whom they can relate, no amount of spectacle can save a bad show. I'll admit, Taymor's visuals are unparalleled and when they work (as in The Lion King and Titus) they do so beautifully.Of course, the crtics are also faulting the mostly forgettable score by U2's Bono and The Edge, citing only a few numbers as worthy of a Broadway musical, while being exceptionally kind to the cast who seem to be struggling against almost insurmountable technical, musical and scriptural issues. Honestly, I feel really badly for the poor schlubs who are contractually obligated to appear in this disaster night after night. It can't be much fun, knowing you're in the worst Broadway musical since Carrie. Sadly, all fault with the show seems to lie with Taymor and her insane vision, a lesson future backers will certainly have in mind when she proposes her next Broadway debacle.

Hopefully, this will be my final rant about this particular show. I'm also hoping that the upcoming production of the Australian import Priscilla: Queen of the Desert will outshine and eventually overshadow Spider-Man by its sheer fabulousness alone (and can guarantee it will be the show I'm willing to shill $100+ to see over Taymor's monstrosity). 

Still, I will somehow sleep easier knowing that I was right all along, and that superheroes have no serious place on the Broadway stage... Just ask the producers of It's a Bird... It's a Plane...

More, anon.
Prospero

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Zombie Double Rainbow

So, regular readers already know that Uncle P is a "Gleek." And while this past Sunday's post-Superbowl episode may not have been the best ever, it sure ranked among this season's best so far.

The taunting and Slushie-dumping has gone too far, so Mr. Schuester (Matthew Morrison) and Coach Beiste (Dot Jones) join forces, making the dissenting members of the football team join Glee Club for at least a week to participate in the Championship game's half-time show. Of course the football players, led by the closeted Dave Karofsky (Max Adler) rebel at first, thinking Glee Club is "gay." Meanwhile, Cheerios' coach and series villain Sue Sylvester (the always brilliant and hilarious Jane Lynch) hatches a plan to shoot poor, dimwitted Brittany (Heather Morris) out of circus canon during the Cheerleading Championship.

In the end (Spoiler Alert) the jocks relent, proving the joy of performing far outweighs the price of winning. Brittany, Santana and Quinn abandon Sue for Glee; Rachel, Mercedes and Tina take one for the team and Sue is left fuming over events completely (for once) out of her control. It was nice to see the good guys win for a change, though to be honest, in the real world Sue Sylvester would have been fired ages ago. And there was the extra-special schadenfreude of Sue getting a back tattoo of herself with her name misspelled. "It's Slyvester, right?"

Meanwhile, over at the private boys' school, Kurt and his adorable crush Blaine (Darren Criss) chime in with a completely unrelated cover of "Bills, Bills, Bills," which only went to show that Ryan Murphy and company still have a few surprises up their sleeves.

Of course, "Glee" is hardly representative of the "real world." In my high school, the football team participated in the musical (they were the Seabees in South Pacific my senior year) and I can remember the Captain of the football team (my understudy as Emile) telling me he was terrified at the prospect of going on in my place. 

The 70's were a weird time and while I can't imagine a conversation like that taking place today, I certainly hope that modern high school jocks and performers have the same kind of respect for one another. And I look forward to the day when Murphy allows Karofsky to acknowledge his sexuality in a healthy and supportive way. Until then, I'll continue to enjoy "Glee" for what it is: the first ever successful musical TV series.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Turn Off the Lights, Already

Not a single thing I've read or heard about Julie Taymor's $65 million disaster, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, has been positive, unless it was coming from Taymor herself. The few folks I know who've seen the show have described an unimaginable mess which makes no sense at all: especially in the second act which involves the mythological Arachne, a weaver who was turned into a spider as punishment for her hubris. In Taymor's "vision," Arachne needs Spider-Man to release her from her curse, employing a chorus line of spidergals who sing about shoes in doing so. Really? Curiously, composers Bono and The Edge remain silent about the show and it's oft-reported accidents and ridiculous (at best) second act. Audience reactions have been reported as everything from appallingly stunned to out-and-out horrified by its lack of coherence. Indeed, the comic's defining line and central theme ("With great power comes great responsibility") isn't even uttered by the original character, Peter Parker's Uncle Ben, but thrown away by Spidey himself in a battle with the Green Goblin. Disrespectful, at best; bad writing at it's worst.

As for Taymor's vision? Just take a look at the costumes pictured above. On the left is the Green Goblin, a villain depicted in the Marvel Comics like this. In Taymor's version, he looks more like an aging club kid who's done one too many hits of E for his own good. On the right we have Swiss Miss, a villain Taymor made up just for the show, so named for her resemblance to a Swiss Army Knife. Seriously? Swiss Miss? The name makes me think of cocoa, rather than a super-villain. I certainly don't think of a metallic dominatrix with goat horns on her head. And Spider-Man's creator Stan Lee is okay with this? I think dementia must be setting in.

Clearly this is a case of a director's ego gone wild. Sure, Taymor's production of The Lion King is a visual feast, based on material that already existed with a clearly defined story. And her film Titus was an inspired take on a Shakespearean classic (also previously existing material with a clearly defined plot). And her well-received biopic Frida was at least rooted in reality (but came about more because of Producer/Star Salma Hayek's passion for the subject matter). Then came Across the Universe, a psychedelic love story set during the Vietnam War era, using the Beatles' music in much the same way that the disastrous Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band did, weaving a story around songs that already existed (sensing a pattern here?). But the former costume designer (aha) has started to show signs that she's gotten in over her head, most recently with her ill-received production of The Tempest, a film that left critics cold and which audiences avoided like the plague, despite the presence of Dame Helen Mirren as a re-sexualized 'Prospera.' But this show, while based on previously existing material, sprung almost entirely out of Taymor's head, based on a dream she had about Arachne after 9/11. What? Yes -- look it up. Talk about hubris...

Now comes word that Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark has delayed it's opening yet a fifth time, until March 15th, so additional corrections van be made to the second act (perhaps to make it make sense?). I'm thinking Taymor and company should heed the warnings of another Shakespearean play and "Beware the Ides of March." After all the accidents (4 major injuries); protests from other members of AEA and the truly terrible word-of-mouth from those who've already seen the show, the show's producers should just cut their losses and let this terrible-from-the-start idea die. Of course, $65 million dollars is quite a loss to claim on a 1040. 

How bad can be it be? Take a look at this commercial for the show and then tell me:

Honestly, as a performer and director who got his start in Musical Theatre, I hope I'm wrong. But I doubt that I am. Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is destined to go down as one of the biggest Broadway disasters since Carrie: The Musical.

More, anon.....

Prospero

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A Legend Lost

Director Blake Edwards left us today at age 88, after a career in TV and film that spanned more than 5 decades. Starting with the screenplay and an appearance in 1948's Panhandle, Edwards was involved with dozens of projects before making a directorial splash with 1961's Breakfast at Tiffany's, a toned-down version of Truman Capote's novel about free-spirit Holly Golighlty and her love affair with the ambiguously sexual Fred. Andy Rooney's performance as Holly's Japanese landlord may well be one of the most horrifically racist since Gone With the Wind, but Audrey Hepburn's iconic performance and the classic "little black dress" will live on in the hearts of movie-lovers forever. 

Gee, wasn't George Peppard dreamy?

Of course, Edwards' greatest successes would come with the Pink Panther series, starring the amazing Peter Sellars as the incompetent Inspector Clouseau. The films went on well beyond Sellars' interest in them, but each one seemed funnier than the last (until Sellars' death, when archival footage was combined with new material to make really terrible films).

Oh, Herbert Lom and that twitching eye!

Then there was 10, the film that made Bo Derek a star and turned Ravel's "Bolero" into the ultimate sex accompaniment:

Next, he turned the world's sweetheart, Julie Andrews (and his devoted wife) into a sex object by exposing her breasts in S.O.B.

Then came his last great film, 1982's Victor Victoria, a remake of a German film about a performer who pretends to be a transvestite in order to make her name in Parisian burlesque in the 1930's. Victor Victoria is one of my favorite movies, not in the least in part due to the amazing performance of Robert Preston as Victoria's gay agent, Toddy. Julie Andrews; James Garner; Alex Karras and the amazingly hilarious Leslie Ann Warren all give the best performances of their careers in this delightfully funny film about sexual ambiguity and art of theatrical illusion.I made sure I was in attendance for Ms. Andrews' last Broadway performance in the stage adaptation, but was disappointed to find that it lacked the spark that made Edwards' film so delightful. Still, it was Julie on Broadway - a magical experience in and of itself.

After Victor Victoria, Edwards directed a few less-than successful comedies like Micki & Maude; A Fine Mess; Blind Date; Skin Deep and  Switch. But none of them had the success or finesse of his earlier works. Married to Julie Andrews for over 40 years, Edwards was an old-school Hollywood veteran, the likes of which we will probably never see again. I for one, am very saddened by his passing and can only hope that cinema will see will his like again.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Musical 'Meh'

Since I've been going on and on about Top Girls almost ad nauseum, I thought I'd talk about musical theatre tonight, for a change.

Of course, the big Broadway news this year is the on-again-off-again-on-again Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, directed by The Lion King director, Julie Taymor, with music and lyrics by U2's Bono and The Edge.

With production costs estimated to be well over $100M, SM:TOD will have to run for thirty years before it sees a profit. My friend Michael thinks this is a brilliant idea for a show and can't wait to see it. I think it's the dumbest concept for a musical since Carrie White (and we all know how well that turned out - poor Betty Buckley had to play a man in her next show to wash the stink off of her career). Now I love Taymor (especially her films) and I used to love U2, but I just don't see this working, especially after seeing this clip of Taymor's, Bono's and the Edge's recent appearance on "Good Morning America:"

Pop-up book sets? And what the hell is "Swiss Miss?" You can't tell me that Stan Lee actually approved that ridiculous costume. And here's Reeve Carney (Peter Parker/Spider-Man) singing one of the show's songs, "Boy Falls From the Sky:"

Not exactly something you'll be humming on your way out of the theatre, is it? 

But never fear. News from i09 is on the way to save the day... or is it? The Sci-Fi maniacs are reporting that Spidey will have some mammoth competition when the musical King Kong - Live On Stage opens in 2013. Construction on the animatronic ape is already underway in Australia, courtesy of the folks who brought us Walking with Dinosaurs. No word on who'll be starring yet, but you can bet they won't be monkeying around with this one (sorry - couldn't help myself).

Finally (via) out of Germany comes Hope! The Musical. A musical biography of our 44th President, Hope! The Musical is the story of the meteoric rise of Barack Huessin Obama, his wife Michelle and his rivals: Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Sarah Palin. The show is apparently huge in Europe and plans are underway for a US tour. Sung in English and German, the clip below looks to me like a combination of Hair, Rent, and Stomp as produced by Simon Cowell and the DNC:

Honestly, with shows like this in our future, I'm almost glad I stopped doing musicals a while back. 

More, anon.

Prospero

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Even Nomi's Laughing

Okay -- first things first: Why is Cher not billed on this poster? She's without a doubt the biggest star in the movie. And it's not like I'm some fawning Cher queen who thinks she is the be all to end all. Far from it. Yes, we all love her for who she is, but really... she's Cher, bitches. How do Xtina, Veronica Mars and some dopey bint of boyflesh actually rate their names on the poster for what will obviously be one of the worst movies ever made, and poor Little Miss One Name gets no credit at all? All I can think is, she doesn't want any.

Really? A movie about a burlesque theatre in 2010? Writer/director Steven Antin (whose only other directorial credit is the straight-to-video sequel Glass House: The Good Mother) must have been smoking something really good while watching Showgirls to come up with this cinematic shipwreck-in-waiting. I can only think that Joe Ezterhas and Paul Verhoeven are laughing their asses off every time they see the trailer for this movie.

I'm sure you must have seen this trailer before (it's been out for several weeks, now), but take a look again and see if you aren't laughing like a giddy hyena by the end of it:

And what the hell are Stanley Tucci and Alan Cumming doing in this movie? I can't imagine either of them needs the money. I know that work is work, but still...

Uncle P may very well get very wasted and see this movie, if only for its camp value. And I honestly hope that I am proven wrong and Burlesque will turn out to be an amazingly entertaining film... but I'm not counting any chickens, if you know what I mean.

If you want to see a really good, funny movie about Burlesque, put The Night They Raided Minsky's into your NetFlicks queue. I promise you will enjoy it.

Or take a trip to Vegas for Cirque du Soleil's take on Burlesque, Zumanity.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Singing in the Reign

I was going to do a post about the Emmy Awards tonight, but I became so enraged at NBC's sound engineers for making most of what the usually hilarious John Hodges Hodgman had to say unintelligible, that I turned it off. I was also upset that the Academy didn't recognize the genius of Michael Emerson's performance on the final season of "Lost," though I must admit to being thrilled by Kyra Sedgwick's win for her work on the always excellent "The Closer."

I know I just blogged about Gene Kelly and his extraordinary dancing prowess. But I ran across the video below on Bits and Pieces, and just had to take a few minutes to talk about it. 

This certainly isn't the first time that the song Singin' in the Rain has been used for a Sci-Fi movie. Most notoriously, it was used in Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange. The song is sung as Alex (Malcolm McDowell) and his 'droogies' commit a heinous home invasion and rape. I couldn't embed a clip, but you can see it here. I love that the doorbell in that scene plays the first four notes of Beethoven's 9th Symphony... Death certainly knocked on the door that evening...

So, what does it mean when an Imperial Stormtrooper and his two Mini-Mes do their own version of the iconic number? I have no idea. I just know it's fun. Enjoy:

A packed rehearsal schedule for Top Girls and the seasonal shift change at the day job may mean that Uncle P might not be posting much this week, though I promise to do my best to keep you informed and entertained (assuming I do either if those things for you).

More, anon.

Prospero

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Gotta Dance!

Just a quickie tonight. Rehearsals for Top Girls have begun in earnest, and I'm getting home later than usual.

My sweet Post Apocalyptic Bohemian friend Stephen, reminded me that today is Gene Kelly's Birthday.

I know there are plenty of Fred Astaire fans out there -- and with good reason. Fred's dancing was smooth and debonair. With Ginger (or any other dancer) on his arm, he was the epitome of suavity. But he seemed old even in the 1950's.

Gene, on the other hand, seemed ageless. His athletic dance style and roguish grin exuded charm and sexiness in a time when both were rarely talked about in 'polite circles.'

I am almost ashamed to admit that it wasn't until Uncle P was in his early 30's that he sat down and watched all of Singin' In the Rain, and I have kicked myself for not doing so sooner, ever since. I have also been smitten with Kelly ever since. Of course, while SITR is Gene Kelly at his quadruple threat (Singer, Dancer, Actor, Director) best, it is hardly the sum of his career as one of Hollywood's true legends.

Uncle P would have fallen flat on his ass about 300 times...

And from Summer Stock:

Wow!

And of course, there's this:

Kelly was grace, charm and elegance personified, even in his last film, the lamentable Xanadu (a movie Uncle P and his sister love, despite its many, many flaws), Kelly was nothing short of amazing:

They don't make 'em like this anymore. And that's a damned shame.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Review: "Dinner for Schmucks" (Plus Bonus Video Hilarity)

By now, many of you know of my general disdain for remakes, though occasionally an American version of a foreign film can be quite good (The Ring; The Bird Cage). Usually, though, something gets lost in the translation and it just doesn't work (Pulse; Swept Away - though in the case of that last movie, we all know why it really sucked). But the trailer for Dinner for Schmucks was very funny and the casting looked amazing.

The original 1998 French film Le diner de cons (The Dinner Game), written by Francis Veber (La cage aux folles; Le jouet [The Toy] and Le grand blond avec une chaussure noir [The Tall Blond with One Black Shoe] -- all of which have been remade and adapted in variously successful ways) was a very European black comedy about doing whatever it takes to get to the top. It's very funny, but also very, very mean-spirited.

So, after an exceptionally delicious meal at Hunami in Princeton (featuring the most astonishingly good vegetable dumplings either of us had ever had), D and I went to see Dinner for Schmucks.

As adapted by the writers of The Ex (a movie I actually liked a lot), Dinner for Schmucks is a kinder, gentler, more Disneyfied version, more suited toward the post-sexual revolution America and their parents. Recently revealed obsession Paul Rudd is Tim, a 6th floor corporate drone, looking for his opportunity to move up to the 7th floor and an office of his own, so he can convince his long-term girlfriend that he's worthy of marrying. After the ouster of a 7th floor exec, Tim makes his move, impressing his boss (Star Trek's Bruce Greenwood) enough to consider him for promotion, upon completion of a challenge. Once a month, each executive brings a guest to a special dinner. The challenge is to see which executive can bring the biggest idiot. If Tim wins the challenge, the promotion is his. Girlfriend and art gallery curator Julie (Stephanie Szostak) finds the idea repulsive and Tim agrees to cancel. Until he literally runs into Barry (Steve Carrell), a weird IRS worker and amateur taxidermist who is in the midst of recreating famous works of art as "Mouseterpieces." Thinking he has secured his promotion, Tim invites Barry to a dinner for "extraordinary people.' Needless to say, all sort of chaos ensues.

As I watched Dinner for Schmucks, I couldn't help but think of the similarities between it and Larry Shue's astonishingly funny 1981 play The Nerd, in conceit, if not plot. In The Nerd, a 30 year-old architect thinks he's living the life he's always wanted, when an exceptionally stupid and socially inept person enters his life, causing chaos which ultimately leads to... (somewhat of a SPOILER ALERT) happily ever afters all around. Change professions and replace a plot-twist or two with... well, not exactly plot twists, and you have Dinner for Schmucks.

The still-adorable Rudd plays Tim as the perfect straight man to all the insanity around him (20 years ago, Clooney would have played this part and 50 years ago, Jack Lemmon). Ron Livingston (Office Space) plays Rudd's nemesis, affronted by Tim's audacity. Other dinner guests include an array of popular character actors, including Chris O'Dowd as a blind swordsman; Jeff Dunham as a ventriloquist married to a slutty dummy; Octavia Spencer as a Pet Medium (I see dead puppies?) and Patrick Fischler as a scarred and bandaged vulture enthusiast.

Of course, Carrell is the heart of the movie. Barry may be really stupid, but he's never afraid to tell the truth and never afraid to be himself. A master of babbling (see Bruce, Almighty), Carrell manages to make Barry's malapropisms, historical ignorance and complete lack of social skills endearing, rather than annoying (even D went "Awwww..." at one revealing moment). Super-shiny smile ablaze, Carrell's Barry refuses to be beaten down, no matter how horribly life seems to have treated him. Almost stealing the movie away from Carrell are Jemaine Clement ("The Flight of the Conchords") as a self-absorbed artist and Zach Galifianakas (The Hangover) as Barry's co-worker Therman, who has convinced Barry that he has the power of mind-control.

Director Jay Roach (Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery) keeps the ultimately gentle farce moving along at an appropriate pace and manages to capture several very funny set-pieces, though with no particular style of which to take note. D and I laughed often, despite the movie's rather predictable plot. The biggest laughs came from the performances of Carrell and the other dinner guests. I imagine the Blu-Ray release will include all kinds of hilarious improvs that were left out of the final cut. Hardly a comedy masterpiece, Dinner for Schmucks (which curiously never uses the word "schmuck" in its dialog) is probably the best comedy of the summer, though that's not saying much in what I am officially dubbing The Summer of Movies that Sucked. Amusing and relatively inoffensive (which is also its biggest problem), Dinner for Schmucks was ultimately better than either of us expected, by not quite as good as I had hoped. **1/2 (Two and a Half Stars out of Four).

And (as promised in this post's title) here's a special bonus:

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next Governor of the Great State of Tennessee?

So do I get murdered or do I go to jail? Make up my mind, please.

Okay, now that you've watched it once, go back and watch it again with the Closed Captioning turned on and see the even more hilarious results of the CC typist trying to make sense of what Basil has to say. I nearly wet myself. And a visit to the man's completely incomprehensible website is required. Make sure you click the links to the letters he's written to the U.N. and Obama. You must admire the man for trying, at least. Gee... I wonder what Tennessee would be like under the Governance of Mr. Marceaux:



More, anon.
Prospero

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I'll Blog If I Want To

This is a postcard from Luna Park, Coney Island's Premiere Attraction in the early 20th Century. Uncle P is so obsessed with the accounts of the attractions at Luna Park, he wrote an as yet un-scored musical about it and it's founders.

Since it's after midnight here, it is officially my Birthday. And if you must know, I am Old Enough to Know Better and Young Enough to Say 'F**k It' and Do It Anyway, Bitches! I have been this age for quite some time now and expect to remain this age for quite some time yet (or at least, I hope to).

Several of Uncle P's dearest friends, including D, K, Q and Dale - as well as some old college buddies he hasn't seen in ages are joining me for an adventure to a place I've never been and I can't wait. I'll post pics and stories... eventually.

And for the curious, here's some footage of the original Luna Park, shot in 1903:

The boat ride was called the Shoot the Chutes and it's obvious there was more thought given to thrills than to safety. The pile-up on the slide at the end would be a tragic accident, today. Still, the story of how that amazing place came to be is just as fascinating as the place, itself.

More...
Prospero

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Happy Birthday, Frances

Thanks to my dear Stephen at Post Apocalyptic Bohemian, I am reminded that today marks the birthday of probably the single most identifiable gay icon of the 20th Century, Judy Garland.

As someone who spent his adolescence in the late 70's, I've never fully embraced the whole Judy thing. I mean, I get it. She was a beautiful and talented young woman tragically exploited and enabled by the studio system into a spiral of self-destruction. A story we see again and again in real-life Hollywood. Does no one learn from the past?

According to LGBT mythology, the Stonewall riots were an almost direct result of Garland's death. The Stonewall was supposedly packed with fans who had come to mourn the loss of their heroine when the infamous raid and resulting riot took place.

I think this is the thing: Dorothy never really feels like she belongs, throughout the whole movie. When she's home in Kansas, she's dreaming of somewhere far away. But when she ends up somewhere far away, all she wants to do is go home. She makes new friends; has a glamorous makeover; kills two witches and exposes (well, her dog does, anyway) a fraud, while helping her new friends discover they've already had their fondest wishes, all along. Is there any one of you out there that cannot relate to at least one aspect of this story? I doubt it. No wonder gay men embraced this movie (and Garland) so much. And let's not even mention the Ruby Slippers...

Personally, I think Garland's best performances came well after The Wizard of Oz. I am especially enamored of her in Meet Me in St. Louis, in which she sang several of her signature songs:

And then of course, there's this from 1950's Summer Stock:

If you're a Baby Boomer, I hope you get it. If you're a Gen X'er or younger... well, you have no idea what you missed.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Ewwww! (with a Z)

That post title applies in so many ways, here. I was going to talk about directing again (and may still do so on Sunday), but then I came across the video below on Towleroad.

In it, Liza Minnelli talks to Joy Behar about her wedding to David Gest. First, they talk about all the celebrities in attendance. Then they talk a little about Michael Jackson. And finally they talk about the infamous kiss, in which Gest practically tongue-raped her.

The first 'Ewwwww' belongs to the kiss itself: Liza's eyes wide in terror as Gest so desperately tries to prove his heterosexuality; Gest wearing dark glasses to hide his repulsion at kissing a woman, pulling her close to him as she tries to push him away. The only worse kiss I can imagine was the one between Michael and Lisa-Marie on MTV (that spinning sound you heard came all the way from Memphis); yet another 'Ewwwww' moment.

The third 'Ewwwww' comes thanks to Liza's current face. She's had so much surgery, she looks like a parody of herself. In fact, I think she looks more like Mario Cantone* doing an impersonation of her, than like herself. Watch the video and see for yourselves:

Like so many celebrities who simply refuse to grow old gracefully, Liza has become a mockery of herself. Never a great beauty, she had a certain goofy charm in her youth, which lent itself perfectly to her Academy Award-winning performance as Sally Bowles in Cabaret. My father always said he thought she looked like a clown in that movie, but he was a Nazi wannabe, so what the hell did he know? He treated every minority like they were clowns. But I digress...

Sadly, Liza hasn't always had the best of luck when it comes to husbands. Mostly because, like her mother before her, she kept marrying gay men. First was Peter The Boy from Oz Allen, who went to Rio when his baby smiled at him. Then came Jack Haley, Jr. in an attempt to capture some of Mama's 'Dorothy' magic (do I detect a theme here?). Next was artist Mark Gero, whose only real claim to fame was marrying Liza. And finally, her infamous marriage to Gest, who claimed Minnelli beat him. If she did. I wouldn't blame her. She must have been on some heavy-duty meds when she accepted that proposal (and I apologize for the utter terror that clicking that last link may have inspired in you -- my last 'Ewwwww' of the night).

Among her more recent performances, Liza's guest shot as the 'Second Lucille' on "Arrested Development" was nothing short of brilliant (was anything associated with that show not?). And this all comes around to her current performance in the universally panned Sex and the City 2, performing Mario Cantone's* gay wedding and singing Beyonce's "Single Ladies" (I apologize for the poor quality, but this bootleg version is the only one I could find from the actual movie):

Hmmm... Maybe this should really have been a "Gayest Thing" post. In any event, I am saddened to see this once monumental talented reduced to a parody of herself. Like mother like daughter, I suppose.

More, anon.
Prospero

*Talk about 'Synchronicity.' Jung would be quite proud, I think.

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Bollywood, Lust and Language Barriers

The few Bollywood musicals I've seen are really dreadful, featuring either silly spy tales; nostalgic mythologies or insipid love stories that make Mama Mia! look like a work of genius.

Still, I wonder why I never heard of Bollywood superstar Hrthiik Roshan. That's him in all his hot glory on the left. Gorgeous and talented (the man dances better than Michael Jackson at his best), Roshan makes his US debut this weekend in Kites, a tri-lingual actioner about a man who falls in love with his fiancee's brother's fiancee. Of course, Roshan could play a man who falls in love with his brother's fiancee's father's goat, and it wouldn't matter, as long as he spent more than 50% of the movie more than 50% unclothed.

Apparently, much of the humor in Kites revolves around the problems of communicating in Hindi, Spanish and English. Trust me, I'd have no problem expressing my thoughts to Roshan. Nathaniel Rogers' review on Towleroad sums it up quite nicely:

"Though Roshan only gets one dance number (Shame. He sure can move) his impossible body gets such loving camera attention and he poses so still and carefully for it that you might feel you're watching a camp classic -- the first based on an old catalog! -- International Male: The Movie."

I've always been a fan of the "tall, dark and handsome" type, but Roshan takes that cliche and amps it up by about 1000% (what is it with me and percentages tonight?). The 36 year-old hottie has made only 25 films in his nearly 30-year career, though I suspect that Kites will not only garner him a legion of American fans (both male and female) who will gladly plunk down $10 for a few hours of his exceptional hotness, but will be just the start of an international film career. I know I will be awaiting his American-made film debut with baited breath.

Now I know you all are thinking "Uncle P, what's up with you? You don't usually go on about hot men." To that I have to say, "Have you taken a good look at him? Da-yum!" It's like Vishnu blessed us with an Indian combination of Stallone; Statham; Pitt; Baldwin and Kelly. I know I don't usually gush like this, but having seen him, can you honestly blame me?

Here's a clip of Roshan's best moves:

And here is the trailer for Kites:

To borrow a phrase from my dear Stephen Rader, Roshan is officially my new "Imaginary Boyfriend." And don't you dare try to tell me otherwise.

More, anon.
Prospero

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"Glee" Goes Meta

I am usually at least a day behind on my TV watching, and this week is no exception. And of course, regular readers know my theatrical origins lie in musical theatre and high school chorus, which explains my love of Fox's hit show "Glee."

Here in the East (and in the late 70's), chorus wasn't the spectacle that Mid-Western Show Choirs are today. We simply wore gold sweaters with black dickies and performed standards, classical works and show tunes on risers, grouped by vocal range. I started as a freshman tenor, but by the end of my sophomore year, was singing baritone. It wasn't until college (and a wonderful acting professor), that I developed into a full basso profundo. But that's really neither here nor there.

I've watched "Glee" from the beginning, and while it is often uneven in its story-telling, it is more often glorious in its production numbers. Yes, Jane Lynch is amazing as the evil Sue Sylvester and Lea Michele and Amber Riley are often astonishing in their vocals, but this week's episode, entitled "Dream On," featuring a hilarious guest spot by Neil Patrick Harris, totally belonged to Kevin McHale as Artie.

For those unfamiliar, the character of Artie is confined to wheelchair, due to an accident which left him with a crippling spinal cord injury. Artie's fondest dream is to dance, expressed earlier this season by McHale's jazzy interpretation of Billy idol's "Dancing With Myself." This week, encouraged by his girlfriend Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz), Artie had himself a fantasy sequence in which he danced in a mall flash-mob to Men Without Hats' 80's hit "Safety Dance." Choreographer Zachary Woodlee pulled out all the stops and created a number that was not only amazing to watch, but referenced the numerous "Glee" flashmobs which have been cropping up all over YouTube. How meta is that? I've embedded a rather clumsy video below, but you can see a very clear and wonderful version here.

Here's the poor quality version:

And here's my favorite "Glee" flashmob event in Rome, last December:

"Dream On" also revealed that rival Glee Club mentor Shelby Corcoran (the incomparable Idina Menzel) is actually the birth-mother of Rachel (Michele). Their duet on "I Dreamed a Dream" was nothing less than heartbreaking. Of course, the physical similarities between Menzel and Michele made this a foregone conclusion, as soon as Menzel made her first appearance on the show. Still, it was nice to see that all of the speculation was right.

To be honest, given my personal High School history, it may be difficult for me to be completely objective about "Glee," though I will be the first to admit that its plots are often far-fetched. But with guest stars like NPH; Molly Shannon; the always amazing Kristin Chenowith; Menzel; Josh Groban and Olivia Newton-John; along with some of the best arrangements of popular music (both new and old), the show's creators have managed to produce TV's first successful episodic musical. Previously, shows like "Cop Rock" "Eli Stone" and "Viva Laughlin" failed miserably, mostly because they were just plain silly. By setting their musical in a high school glee club and casting some amazingly talented (and attractive) performers, creators Ryan Murphy, Brad Fulchuk and Ian Brennan have tapped into the angsts and joys of high school life, something all of us can relate to.

Next week's episode, like the Madonna-centric episode a few weeks ago, celebrates the music of Pop's latest sensation, Lady Gaga. I, for one, can't wait.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Nazis on the Moon, Part Deux

Wow. It's been well over a year since I posted about Iron Sky, the movie about Nazis on the moon. At the time, all that existed was an all-digital investors' trailer, and it was just terrific. Apparently the filmmakers have secured some funding because there is some actual footage from the film in this new teaser (which is also a plea for funding).

As someone who grew up with a father who would have been perfectly content as a member of the Hitler Youth Corps (really), and who was forced to endure every godforsaken, Richard Burton narrated minute of The World at War on PBS, I despise WWII films. I can't even bring myself to watch Saving Private Ryan or Schindler's List. I barely made it through Inglorious Basterds and that was a comedy, though I will admit to a fondness for all the Downfall parodies that still proliferate YouTube - there's just something very funny about Hitler freaking out over Michael Jackson's death. But then, I think Dawn of the Dead is hilarious, so what do I know?

Still, there is just something intriguing behind the whole concept of Iron Sky. We have documented evidence that Nazi scientists were working on an anti-gravity device to power aircraft that could fly below and above radar. And we know that at least a few of those scientists were recruited by the U.S. Air Force after the war (look it up), which may have resulted in the events in Roswell, NM in July of 1947. Now, please don't go thinking I'm some UFO conspiracy nutjob. I promise, I'm not. I'm just saying, is all.

Anyway, the Space Cadets over at i09 have posted the latest teaser/funds appeal for Iron Sky, featuring actual footage with real human actors:

Iron Sky stars genre icon Udo Kier (Blade II) and according to IMDb, is scheduled for 2011 release. I honestly think this movie has the potential to be hilarious, thrilling and frightening all at the same time. You can invest, demand and learn more about the film at its official website, here. And here's the original, brilliant teaser:

Of course, you may be wondering about the French connection (no, not the Gene Hackman movie) in this post's title. Well, that refers to 21 year-old Canadian director Xavier Dolan's film Les Amours Imaginaire, currently in competition at Cannes for the first ever Queer Palme award. Dolan, quite a pretty young thing himself, made a name for himself as a director with the Oscar-nominated I Killed My Mother. Les Amours... concerns itself with a bisexual love triangle and is this year's most talked-about LGBT film. Here's the stunning trailer (via):

Is it me, or is there always some bizarre connection between Nazis and gay sex? Must be Kander and Ebb's fault.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Everything Old Is New Again

Broadway isn't known as "The Great Invalid" for nothing. Every time it seems that live theatre is about to gasp its last, some amazing show or other comes along and saves the day. Though these days, with ticket prices topping out at well-over $100 a pop, I'm amazed that people still go. When I go (and it's less-and-less these days), I make sure I visit the TKTS booth in Times Square. You can purchase left-over tickets for a fraction of their original price, as long as you're willing to stand in line and don't have your heart set on a particular show. I have rarely been disappointed by the selection of shows there and have seen many original casts for a lot less than I would have paid at the box office.

New musicals abound on Broadway this season, including the very well-reviewed Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson; the apparently disappointing The Addams Family and this season's standout; American Idiot, a musical based around the songs from the Green Day album of the same name (my friend Jonathan saw it on opening night and said it revolutionizes Musical Theatre).

Of course, every season also has its share of revivals and this year is no exception. The biggies this season are Sean Hayes ("Will and Grace") & Kristin Chenowith (Wicked; my beloved "Pushing Daisies") in Promises, Promises, the musical version of The Apartment with some rather well-known songs from Burt Bacharach and Hall David; Catherine Zeta Jones and Angela Lansbury in Sondheim's 3/4 tempo love story, A Little Night Music and Kelsey Grammer ("Frasier") in La Cage aux Folles. Of course, the latter really puzzles me, because of Grammer's right-wing politics (but then, Log Cabin Republicans puzzle me as well, but what do I know?).

When my sister was still in high school, I took her to see the touring company production of La Cage... in Philadelphia. The particulars of the cast escape me (and I'm too lazy to dig out my Playbill), but I do remember both of us loving it. It was her first time seeing a professional production of a musical, and I think that may have impressed her as much as anything, but it also showed the budding Born Again that being gay wasn't quite the horrific thing most so-called "Christians" are led to believe. Thankfully, that lesson carried over into her current dogma and even though we may disagree when it comes to religion, she is a firm believer in LGBT rights, and I love her even more for it.

But, I digress.

The point is that good Musical Theatre (like any art) is an examination of the one unwavering constant: The Human Condition. Young/Old; Gay/Straight; White Collar/Blue Collar; Rich/Poor... we all share our Humanity and the Joy, Love, Pain, Laughter, Tears and everything else that comes with being Human. And it is in that spirit that I share with you these clips (via) of the revivals of La Cage aux Folles and Promises, Promises. Enjoy.

More, anon.
Prospero

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I Miss the Weekly World News

I honestly miss this bastion of misinformation, fabrication and outrageous lies. There was something profanely comforting in its nonsense. Q's favorite WWN headline is "22 Devil Babies Born with Tails!" I tried to find a link to it, but have been so far unsuccessful. And I will admit, it's a good one. My all time favorite got turned into a very funny and very successful Off Broadway musical. I actually used the original Bat Boy edition as a prop in my production of the female version of The Odd Couple. It got a laugh every night. A cheap laugh, but a laugh, nonetheless. Not too long after that show closed, a co-worker bought me a Bat Boy T-shirt for my birthday and I was forever hooked on the nonsense the insane geniuses at WWN came up with, week after week for 27 years. Of course, I just adore Bat Boy: The Musical, which has some of the funniest lyrics ever (and which I must someday direct) is one of the funniest, cleverest and poignant shows I have ever seen. The tunes (with one exception in Act II) are snappy and hummable and the script is a perfect re-fictionalization of WWN's story about a strange boy found underground.

Which got me wondering what other WWN headlines would make a good musical? Here's a few actual WWN headlines I like and the plots of the musicals I imagine for them:

"How to Tell if Your Guardian Angel is Gay" -- Troubled teen rock star Brooklyn (Miley Cyrus in her stage debut) counts on her gay BFF Chad (Justin Bieber), for everything, but soon finds herself falling in love with him. When it's revealed at the end of Act I that Chad is actually Brooklyn's Guardian Angel and therefore sexless, her father (has-been Borscht Belt comedian Moishe "Buppie" Moskowitz, -- Robin Williams in a tour-de-force performance), finally approves of one of his daughter's boyfriends. Musical numbers include: "My Sassy Gay BFF;" "The Mouse Ate My Soul" and "No Wonder You're So Pretty!"

"Merman Caught in South Pacific" -- Caught! is the tale of an icy cryptozoologist (Sutton Foster) looking for the missing link in Fiji. When she accidentally snares merman Azreal (Hugh Jackman) in her nets, she's forced to admit there are things even science can't explain. Meanwhile an underhanded tabloid journalist (David Hyde Pierce) begins stalking the doc and her Piscean lover in the hopes of capturing Azreal "in full fin." Yes, It's Splash, but who cares? This is Broadway. F*ck Hollywood (we already do, anyway). Songs include: "Cryptozoologicalexpealidocius;" "(I Go to) Rio" and "You Swam Into My Heart."

"Farmer Shoots 23-Lb Grasshopper" -- Beginning of the End is a period story of intrepid 1950's journalist Audrey Aims (Audra McDonald) who stumbles upon a story of about giant grasshoppers created accidentally as part of radiation experiments on a local Illinois farm. She soon meets Ed Wainwright (Brian Stokes Mitchell), who explains how the grasshoppers got into a silo filled with radioactive wheat. Together, they must find a way to stop the giant grasshoppers, while keeping their unbridled passion for one another in check. Songs include: "I Smell a Scoop;" "The Radioactive Rag" and "Chicago's Full of Bugs This Time of Year."

"Redneck Aliens Take Over Trailer Park" -- The songs of Lynyrd Skynyrd are interwoven into this story of a boy who always felt "different" and the magical extraterrestrials who reveal to him his alien birthright. Free-Bird Jones (Cheyenne Jackson) must come to terms with his mother's lies and his father's probe, before accepting his place among his own people and the love of Carmen (Jennifer Lopez), the one woman who doesn't care that he's only half-human. Songs include "Sweet Home Alabama;" "Freebird" and "Double Trouble Double-Wide."

What Weekly World News story would you like to see as a musical? You know how I love comments.

More, anon.
Prospero

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