The Reviews Are In

And they ain't pretty. 

On what was supposed to have been the opening day of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, now postponed until March 15th and still in previews since November, national theatre critics could no longer hold their tongues and let the vitriol spill toward this ill-conceived (if not downright stupid) musical.

Most vicious was Ben Brantly at the New York Times (full review here) who said the show is "...so grievously broken in every aspect that it is beyond repair." And "...only when things go wrong in this production does it remotely feel right - if, by right, one means entertaining." Yikes!

Less nasty, but equally disdainful, Charles McNulty of the L.A. Times said "Incoherence isn't much fun to sit through." He also says the show's failure "...rests squarely on Taymor's run-amok direction." McNulty's full review is here. Meanwhile, Chris Jones of the Chicago Tribune writes that show's woes boil down to "...an incoherent story." Jones seems to genuinely want to like the show in his review, but just can't. Peter Marks in The Washington Post laments "...the creature that most often spreads its wings at the Foxwoods (Theatre) is a Turkey" and that "...its more appropriate home might be off a highway in Orlando." (Ouch!)

Personally, I've said from the first moment I heard about the show that it was destined for failure. And while I may delight in a sense of schadenfreude (a word I've been using a lot, lately), I can't help but feel bad for the hardworking cast and crew of Spider-Man. I know from personal experience how tough it can be to put a show a together. But I also know that without a story to hold the audience's interest and without characters to whom they can relate, no amount of spectacle can save a bad show. I'll admit, Taymor's visuals are unparalleled and when they work (as in The Lion King and Titus) they do so beautifully.Of course, the crtics are also faulting the mostly forgettable score by U2's Bono and The Edge, citing only a few numbers as worthy of a Broadway musical, while being exceptionally kind to the cast who seem to be struggling against almost insurmountable technical, musical and scriptural issues. Honestly, I feel really badly for the poor schlubs who are contractually obligated to appear in this disaster night after night. It can't be much fun, knowing you're in the worst Broadway musical since Carrie. Sadly, all fault with the show seems to lie with Taymor and her insane vision, a lesson future backers will certainly have in mind when she proposes her next Broadway debacle.

Hopefully, this will be my final rant about this particular show. I'm also hoping that the upcoming production of the Australian import Priscilla: Queen of the Desert will outshine and eventually overshadow Spider-Man by its sheer fabulousness alone (and can guarantee it will be the show I'm willing to shill $100+ to see over Taymor's monstrosity). 

Still, I will somehow sleep easier knowing that I was right all along, and that superheroes have no serious place on the Broadway stage... Just ask the producers of It's a Bird... It's a Plane...

More, anon.
Prospero

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Why Is Superman British?

That's British actor Henry Cavill in a still from the upcoming Tarsem Singh  film, Immortals. Cavill plays Theseus, a warrior king from Greek mythology (and A Midsummer Night's Dream). Cavill has been in Tristan & Isolde; Stardust and the Nazi-themed horror movie Blood Creek, as well as the HBO series "The Tudors." He's very good-looking and as you can see from the picture, quite fit. He has also just been announced (via) as the new Superman in director Zack Snyder's upcoming reboot for producer Christopher Nolan.  I am a huge fan of both Nolan and Snyder, despite continued claims that Snyder's films are homophobic (personally, I think some people read too much into his movies, particularly Watchmen, but that's just me) but I think Cavill is just a completely bone-headed choice.

I have no problem with Cavill as an actor. I've only actually seen him in Stardust, where he played douche, and he was quite good at doing so. My issue is that Superman is a distinctly American creation. Indeed, he stands for "Truth, Justice and the American Way." So why the hell is he being played by a Brit? Don't get me wrong - I'm all for casting the right actor in a role, but what's wrong with Brandon Routh? Bryan Singer's Superman Returns may not have lived up to everyone's expectations but at least everyone agreed that despite the film's shortcomings, Routh was perfectly cast as Clark Kent and his super-powered alter-ego from Krypton. 

Okay, maybe Routh was unavailable or uninterested. What about "Smallville" star Tom Welling? He's been playing Clark Kent longer than any other actor who's taken on the part. Surely he has some insight into the character. And he was born in New York City -- Metropolis, itself. It doesn't get much more American than that. "But he's a terrible actor," you might be saying. Personally, I've never seen "Smallville," so I can't say. But if that's so, then find an unknown American actor, just as Richard Donner did when he cast Christopher Reeve in 1978's Superman: The Movie. Casting Cavill in the role is just as ridiculous as casting a Brit as another distinctly American superhero like Spider-Man. Oh, wait. they did that, too... Skinny, creepy Andrew Garfield will be playing Peter Parker/Spider-Man in the upcoming reboot (as if that needed to happen in the first place) directed, ironically, by Marc Webb (500 Days of Summer).

Now before you label your Uncle P an Anglo-phobe, I happen to love British actors. Patrick Stewart; Colin Firth; Ian McKellan; Helen Mirran; Judy Dench and Cate Blanchett are all geniuses. And while several of them have played Americans with great aplomb, none of them have had the audacity to take on iconic American characters. My guess is that both Garfield and Cavill will be spectacular failures at playing these two oh-so-American characters and while I truly hope I am wrong, I will revel in a bit schadenfreude should these films crash and burn.

And just as a reminder, do you remember when you fell in love with Reeve as The Man of Steel? I do...

Still, I suppose we should at least be glad that this never happened. Your thoughts?

More, anon.

Prospero

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Bat News

So, here's some news all you movie geeks already know: Anne Hathaway and Tom Hardy have officially been announced as the villains in Christopher Nolan's third and final entry in Warner's Batman franchise, The Dark Knight Rises. Hathaway has been cast as Catwoman (or at least, Selina Kyle) and Hardy as Bane (via).

These are two actors I like a lot. Hathaway is always amazing, even in sappy treacle like The Princess Diaries and Hardy is just a sexy bear who could recite the phone book, as long as he has his clothes off at some point. 

Yikes. That sounds awful. Still, Hardy was quite good in Nolan's Inception and I have no doubt he'll be terrific as the hulking Latino villain who actually broke Batman's back in in DC's "Knightfall" series. Not that I am all that familiar with the comics -- I do have Internet access, though and know he's much more important to the storyline than than the idiotic character in Joel Schumaker's reprehensible Batman and Robin.                                                                                 

Now, it seems that lots of folks have problems with this casting, particularly when it comes to Ms Hathaway as Selina Kyle/Catwoman. Michelle Pfieffer was quite an amazing Catwoman in her pleather catsuit and smoky eye makeup. But Hathaway is tall and sexy and will bring her own take on the jewel thief who manages to steal Bruce Wayne's heart. .And since Nolan has proven himself to be quite the genius when it comes to this particular franchise, I have total faith his casting choices. If anyone can turn Hathaway into Catwoman, it's Nolan. And I, for one, can't wait to see a bulked-up Hardy flexing and strutting his way through Gotham City.

Of course,Catwoman has been played by more actresses than any other female character in the franchise, starting with Julie Newmar in the campy 1960's TV series, followed by Eartha Kitt; Lee Meriwether; Michelle Pfieffer and (most lamentably) Halle Berry. Bane's only appearance on film was in the aforementioned Batman and Robin, portrayed by the late wrestler Jeep Swenson simply as a grunting minion of Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman). I'm very interested to see how Nolan uses the character in the new movie, especially given his rich history in the DC Universe. 

Nolan has yet to disappoint with this franchise, and I have all faith that his 2012 Birthday Present to me will stand up to his previous Batman movies (though finding a performance like the late Heath Ledger's as The Joker may prove a rather daunting task). Still, I am excited to see where Nolan will take the story next.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Turkey Month Turkey of the Week: "Catwoman"

Poor Halle Berry. Unarguably one of the most beautiful and talented women in Hollywood, she somehow got suckered into starring in this glistening turd of movie.

In the DC Comics' universe, Catwoman is Selina Kyle, a Gotham City jewel thief with a reciprocal crush on the Dark Knight himself, Batman. In this 2004 stinker she's Patience Phillips, a graphic artist working for a cosmetics company run by the evil Laurel Hedare (Sharon Stone). When Patience stumbles upon a shameful secret regarding Hedare's latest youth serum, she finds herself in danger. And somehow also finds herself the recipient of mystical powers passed on from Catwomen of the past. What?

Filled with 'ancient Egyptian' hokum; 'girrrrlpower' nonsense and one of the worst costumes in Superhero movie history, Catwoman is undoubtedly the nadir of the Warner Brothers' Batman-related films. Featuring over-the-top performances by Stone as the villain and Benjamin Bratt as the cop/love-interest, Catwoman makes about as much sense as a gorilla wearing a tutu. And what the hell the magnificent Frances Conroy is doing in this movie (other than collecting a paycheck), is beyond me.

Previously, Catwoman has also been portrayed by Julie Newmar; Eartha Kitt; Lee Meriwether and most notably, Michelle Pfieffer (Batman Returns). None of those actresses were nominated for a Razzy, though Berry was. And she showed much grace and humor by actually showing up to accept her award for 'Worst Actress.'

Of course, Catwoman is one of the many villains being bandied about for inclusion in Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises. Given the 'realistic' version of Gotham City Nolan has thus-far presented, Catwoman in her original incarnation seems as likely as any other female character in the series. Time will tell...

More, anon.
Prospero

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Review: "Kick-Ass"

Shh! Dear D and I had intended to see a show together, which neither of us really wanted to see, but sort of should, for various reasons. But knowing it would have been painful (and those we cared about who were in it would forgive us), we went with "Plan B" and went to see Kick-Ass, instead.

Dave Lisewski (Aaron Johnson) is a typical teenager, trying to figure things out by deliberately remaining anonymous. He hangs with his two nerdy buddies, Marty and Todd (Clark Duke and Evan Peters). They eat lunch together, go to the comic-book store together and even get get mugged together... a lot. Dave wonders why no one has ever tried to be a superhero in real-life* before, and after the umpteenth mugging, Dave orders a wet suit from Amazon and assembles himself a rather amateurish (not to mention garish) green and yellow superhero costume. He practices jumping, rolling and kicking and eventually goes out to stop crime... and promptly ends up in the hospital, near death. But almost like the "Six Million-Dollar Man," Dave is brought back from the brink and somewhat (thanks to what happened), "improved." I don't want to spoil it for you, so that's all the origin story you get from me.

As all this is happening, Damon Macready (Nicolas Cage) is training his 11 year-old daughter Mindy (Chloe Moretz) on how to take a shot while wearing body armor, shoot guns and wield knives, blades and ninja stars with deadly accuracy.

18 months later, Dave takes up the costume again, determined to be the guy who gives a damn, Not only is he victorious in his next attempt, but he's recorded on several cell-phones, resulting in a the biggest YouTube viral video, ever. Kick-ass immediately becomes a star with 16,000 MySpace friends. Dave is also crushing on Katie (doe-eyed Lyndsy Fonseca), a girl who thinks he's her sassy gay BFF. When Katie tells Dave that she's afraid to tell a creep named Rasul to leave her alone, Kick-Ass shows up to deliver the message for her; once again finding himself in just a little over his head. But at the last second, a purple-haired child in a mask, cape and plaid pleated skirt takes out the entire bunch of very bad men. Hit-Girl is a very foul-mouthed assassin, with skills that both amaze and terrify Dave. She introduces herself, and her father, Big Daddy, a guy who wears as close to a Batman costume as possible, without infringing on copyright. Unfortunately for Dave, Rasul and his pals worked for dangerous Mob boss Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong), who issues a hit on the person he thinks is responsible: our hero, Kick-Ass.

The performances here are all-terrific. Everyone gets it, playing their parts truthfully, despite the absurdity of it all. The adorable Johnson makes his American film debut (though a quick glance at his IMDb profile lists a slew of credits in the U.K.) and gives a funny, charming and intelligent performance as Dave/Kick-Ass. Moretz (500 Days of Summer; Diary of a Wimpy Kid) is nothing short of amazing as Mindy/Hit-Girl and it's funny, rather than shocking when she uses words Uncle P only uses when he's alone in the car, all while she is brutally slicing and dicing bad guys without a hint of remorse or fear. Most surprising is Cage, finally playing a superhero (even if it's not the one he wanted to). He's just terrific, channeling Adam West's version of Batman without an iota of irony, making his performance all that much funnier. Strong (Sherlock Holmes) is once again the perfect villain and his interpretation of an immoral, ruthless New York Mob boss is dead-on, though not without its own moments of hilarity. I do hope Strong isn't forever typecast, because I'd love to see him as a heroic lead, someday. Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad's McLovin) is hilarious as Red Mist, a 'manufactured ' superhero with ulterior motives and the beautiful Omari Hardwick displays the right amount of intensity as the cop who knows everybody's secrets.

Director Matthew Vaughn (2007's amazing and underrated Stardust) has obviously studied the works of action directors who have come before, and he delivers some of the most exciting (if exceptionally violent) action-sequences since the Wachowski brothers. Paying homage to Peckinpah; Tarentino; Scorcese; McTiernan; Nolan and more, Vaughn doesn't cheat with a million quick-cuts that turn every action sequence into a headache-inducing blur. Instead, he lets the camera linger over the outrageous bodily harm being done and the copious amount of blood being spilled. The ridiculously over-the-top violence here is hardly gratuitous, but rather part of the joke -- it's so outrageous, the only possible reaction is laughter. The script (by Vaughn and his Stardust co-writer Jane Goldman), is both hilarious and insightful, simultaneously spoofing and embracing the superhero genre much more successfully than films like Mystery Men.

D agreed we had made the better choice, especially since he saw his first trailer for the upcoming testosterone-palooza, The Expendables. He actually grabbed my arm in excitement - if there's one boy who's gay for Stallone (and Franco, but that's for later) - it's D. And he will be the first to admit it (though he also told me he's curious about Ellen... go figure). I'll be seeing it with him, of course. But only because it also stars the action star I am totally gay for (don't even...).

Here's the NSFW-language ridden Red Band trailer for Kick-Ass:

Admittedly, Kick-Ass is not a movie for everyone. Some will be put-off by it's offensive language and excessive violence, but they'll be missing the point. Children should most definitely be kept from seeing this film. There are few things that make your Uncle P angrier than seeing children at an age-inappropriate movie. Of course, all that having been said, D and I both had such a good time, Kick-Ass is the first official contender for my Top Ten of '10.

Finally, a movie that lives up to its title. Kick-Ass does indeed, kick ass. ****(Four Stars) Kick-Ass is rated R for Adult Language; Extreme Violence and Sexual Situations.

*As a side note, there are in fact, some real people who dress up in costumes and 'fight crime,' though that's for a post all it's own. Remind me, will you?

More, anon.
Prospero

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Re-Inventing the Superhero

When I was a kid, Superheroes usually had Superpowers (Batman not withstanding). They were either aliens like Superman or the result of some strange radioactive accident like Spider-Man. Upon discovering their powers, they soon found themselves on the right side of the law, using said powers for the betterment of Mankind (i.e. kicking the butts of Super-villains).

Of course, Alan Moore changed the rules in the 80's with Watchmen. Sure, Dr. Manhattan's powers were the result of a radioactive accident, but the rest of them were just ordinary folks taking up the cause of Peace, Justice and the American Way. Most of the Watchmen didn't have X-Ray vision, super strength or the ability to fly. They simply relied on their own intelligence and training to get the bad guys.

In 2008, writer Mark Millar and illustrator John Romita, Jr. created Marvel's Kick-Ass, a teen-aged superhero who trained himself to fight villains and criminals, much like Batman. But Kick-Ass is a product of the New Millennium. His acts of heroism are displayed on YouTube and his services can be acquired by contacting him on his MySpace page.

Next week, Lionsgate and Marvel Films will release the movie version of Kick-Ass and I for one, cannot wait. The NSFW trailer is posted below, and the advance buzz is off the charts, despite the presence of Nicholas Cage as 'Big Daddy.' Director Matthew Vaughn made one of my all-time favorite Fantasy films (the extremely underrated and under-seen Stardust) and I have high hopes for his take on the adventures of Kick-Ass, Hitgirl and Red Mist.

Sure, Iron Man 2 will dominate the summer box-office, but I imagine Kick-Ass will probably be a whole lot more fun.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Turn That Crap Off!

Just for the record, I usually adore the work of director Julie Taymor. The Lion King was a huge Broadway hit simply because of her inventive use of puppets in bringing Disney's animated musical version of Hamlet to the live stage.

And her films are usually wonderful. Titus, her satirical take on Shakespeare's ridiculous Roman tragedy is simply brilliant and hilarious. Then there's Frida, the biopic of Mexican artist Frida Kahlo, starring Selma Hyack. And the outrageous, Beatles-inspired Across the Universe, a psychadelic story of a musician in the 60's. All of them are visually striking and interesting films.

But, when word came out late last year that Taymor and U2's Bono and The Edge were collaborating on a stage musical based on the Marvel Comics superstar superhero Spider-Man, I could barely contain my instant hatred of the idea. To date, there have only really been two successful comics-inspired musicals: Annie and L'il Abner, both of which are just atrocious. There was also a terrible Superman musical, It's a Bird.. It's a Plane... It's Superman, which was adapted by ABC into an atrocious TV movie in 1975., starring Leslie Ann Warren as Lois Lane.

Anyway, the Broadway version of Spider-Man (Entitled Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark) was supposed to star Universe star Rachel Evan Wood as Mary Jane and Titus/X2 star Alan Cumming as the Green Goblin. It was reportedly budgeted at... are you ready?... Really?... Because it's just ridiculous... $45 Million! Yes, you read that correctly. Forty-five million U.S. Dollars. That meant that the show would have to sell every seat in the Hilton Theatre for five years, just to break even!

Now sadly, in recent years Broadway has fallen into a Hollywood trap (I blame The Phantom of the Opera and Taymor's Lion King) of over-bloated spectacles in the likes of Mary Poppins, Wicked and Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang.

Upon news of this ridiculous idea, I immediately went insane. I mean, honestly, what the frig were all parties involved thinking? There was no way in hell that this was a good idea. And apparently, the backers think so too. According to both Variety and the New York Post, production has been halted on the extravaganza due to lack of funding. And all I can say is "Thank goodness common sense has prevailed."

Maybe now Taymor can concentrate on her film adaptation of Shakespeare's The Tempest, which I hope you are all wise enough to know is the play which inspired both my signature and this blog's title.

More, anon.

Prospero

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