Why the Golden Globes Don't Matter

Tonight saw the 68th Annual Hollywood Foreign Press Association's Golden Globe Awards, which supposedly honor the best in both movies and television. Since they are the first awards given during "award season," many people consider them to be indicators of how the AMPAS voters will choose the winners of the Oscars. To which I say:  Feh!

Why do I say this? Two words: Pia Zadora. Yes, Pia Zadora. Does anyone remember her? Way back in 1982, Pia won a Golden Globe as Most Promising Newcomer (an award which is no longer given, by the way) for her work in the truly awful Southern potboiler Butterfly. A true stinker of a film, Butterfly  is basically about the incestuous relationship between an Arizona farmer (Stacy Keach) and his daughter (Zadora). A wretched train wreck of a film, co-starring Orson Welles as a bellicose judge, Butterfly had yet to be screened by anyone when Zadora won her award. It turned out that her husband Meshulam Riklis (who was 31 years older than she was when they married), actually paid members of the HFPA to vote for her. The scandal nearly scuttled the Golden Globes for good.

So tonight, while I watched the first two hours of this year's Golden Globes (mostly to see just how catty host Ricky Gervais would be), I couldn't help but think of Pia Zadora and her completely undeserved award. And of course, Gervais delivered the goods, taking jibes at certain Scientologists not in attendance and the most recent scandal involving tickets to Cher's show in Vegas.

Still doubting? Then take a gander at Zadora's "Award-Winning" performance:

Zadora would go on to be in the film adaptation of Harold Robbins' The Lonely Lady and later make a hilarious appearance as a beatnik artist in John Waters' 1998 Hairspray. She also had a small role in The Naked Gun 33 1/3, but has since gone on to be a rather minor footnote in Entertainment History. I should also point out that as a child, she appeared in the horrendous Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, though the hilarious folks at MST3K have already skewered that movie - My favorite line? "Pills for breakfast? What are we, Judy Garland?"

So, while favorites like "Glee," The King's Speech and The Social Network may have won Golden Globes tonight, I'll wait until the real awards are given out later this year.

More, anon.
Prospero.

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Golden Globe Showers

Ah, mid-January. And the unofficial start of "Awards Season." Each year, The Hollywood Foreign Press Association (a bunch of old guys writing critiques for the European and Asian markets), give out their version of the Oscar for Excellence in American Films and Television. Kind of an oxymoron, isn't it?

I watched the first hour tonight. Host Ricky Gervais was very funny. Even funnier were some of the award recipients and presenters. Monique, winning for Best Supporting Actress in Precious (a film I did not and probably will not, see) thanked God (though what God would have to do with one winning any type of award still eludes me - like He cares). Felicity Huffman proved herself human with a series of teleprompter flubs; Julianna Margolies and Michael C. Hall won best actress/actor awards and I was bored beyond comprehension.

It was only recently (5 minutes ago), that I discovered that not only had James Cameron won Best Director for the derivative Avatar, but the film itself won Best Picture (Drama). Seriously? Are the members of the Hollywood Press Association all teen-aged boys with ADD? Did no one in the HFPA see Moon? Was everyone so blinded by 3D and CGI that actual good filmmaking and acting were set aside? Did Monique actually believe that dress was flattering? Does anyone actually take the Golden Globes seriously?

Of course, I'm complaining about an award show that never has actually been about the "best." But still. Yes, Meryl deserved her record-breaking 7th Golden Globe for Julie & Julia, and "Glee" deserved to win Best Series (Comedy or Musical). But Avatar as Best Picture (Drama)? A bit of my soul died upon hearing that news...

So what did you think of the Golden Globes? Did you watch? Did you care? Are you as annoyed as I am by Cameron's ego-inflating wins? Curious minds want to know, as the old marketing promo goes. Leave me a comment.

More Awards Nonsense, anon.
Prospero

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