Tobacco Chewin, Gut Chompin Creatures of the Night

Yes, I am still obsessed with Zombies. I have no idea why. Or maybe I do. Zombies are us, caught up in the need to feed so that we may survive. Humans eat grains, meat, vegetables and fruit to sustain ourselves. Zombies eat... well, mostly brains in order to sustain themselves.



Part of the American zeitgeist since George A. Romero's seminal Night of the Living Dead, the zombie as we have come to know him is an almost unstoppable eating machine, much like the shark in Peter Benchley's Jaws. And like the ravenous Great White Shark in Spielberg's terrifying film, the modern zombie is an eating machine, intent on chomping on human flesh. The big difference here? While a bite from either is probably fatal; the bite of a shark does not create another shark.



Doomed to roam the Earth in eternal hunger, zombies represent our greatest fears. Alone, unfulfilled and unloved, the modern zombie is everything we hope we'll never be; a shambling, mindless creature with only one priority. I don't know about you, but uncontrollable urges, soulless wandering and heartless blood-lust seem to me the ultimate horror.



Of course, Hollywood (and I will admit, myself) have taken advantage of that fear and exploited it for all it's worth. Needless to say, some have used those fears to their financial advantage, often with horrific results (though more than occasionally, for cheap thrills and laughs). I know I have blogged about zombies ad nauseum, and probably will again. And I know you'll continue to read my thoughts on the genre because, like me, the fear of losing control of one's own mind to one's basest urges is almost unthinkable.



So, you may well ask yourselves what prompted yet another Zombie post from your dear Uncle Prospero. YouTube gets the blame here, suggesting the following trailer as something I might enjoy:

Follow-up video clips included this gem:

This very funny piece:

And finally, something I may have posted before, but still find hilarious:

Ah, the George W. Bush administration. I can't think of a better real-life Zombie analogy. The horror.. the horror....

I really need to get out more, don't I?



More, anon.

Prospero

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Not Much To Say?

I know. Can you imagine me having a post with such a title? I'm not sure what to say about that, either (obviously).

I've said pretty much all I have to say about Maine on Facebook, though I will take the opportunity to once again to tell the voters of Maine to "Suck it!" There's a newish term being bandied about these days: "Gay Apartheid." We're sure feeling it lately, aren't we? Basically, apartheid means "You're different from most of us, therefore you should not be afforded the same rights and privileges as us and we're going to pass laws to ensure that you never will." We all saw how well that worked in South Africa, didn't we?

But I'm not getting on my high horse, tonight. I've already said I don't have much to say.

Not much happening at the movies, this weekend, either. There is the abysmal-looking (and pretty abysmally-reviewed) The Fourth Kind, starring Milla Jovovich (The Fifth Element; Resident Evil) as an Alaskan psychiatrist investigating what appears to be a rash of alien abductions. Yawn. Alien abduction has never been particularly scary to me, and while I was certainly an X-Files fan, I never understood why aliens would be so interested in anal probing (unless of course, their leader was Richard Simmons wanting to know what it's like to be a top - Oh, now that was just mean. Stop it!).

Then there's Richard (Donnie Darko) Kelly's latest, The Box. Based on a Richard Matheson short-story, The Box is about a young couple (James Marsden and Cameron Diaz) who are in dire financial straits. Along comes a mysterious stranger (a digitally scarred Frank Langella) with an unusual offer. In exchange for pressing the red button in the mysterious box he brings them, they will receive a million dollars. The catch? Someone they don't know will die.

Kelly's last film, the critically drubbed Southland Tales was a highly-anticipated failure that didn't even find an audience on DVD. His first film, the enigmatic Donnie Darko, won both critical acclaim and a devoted cult following (myself among them). It's the movie that shot Jake Gyllenhaal into superstardom and gave the late Patrick Swayze his best role since Ghost.

The Box has gotten less than stellar reviews and I suppose I'll wait until it's On Demand.

On TV, my beloved Fringe was back this week with a story about an alien entity trapped in the body of a comatose Cosmonaut which feeds off the radiation in its victims, leaving them little more than piles of carbon dust. Like the best X-Files stand-alone episodes, it was creepy and fun, though it lacked the intensity of episodes about the series' central conspiracy plot.

Oh, and I almost forgot. there's a new Grizzly Bear video (via):



Well, I guess I had a few things to say, after all. I hope you're having a good weekend. I'm trying to... I think I'll do a little Christmas shopping tomorrow. What are your plans?

More, anon.
Prospero

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A Geek's Response to "Glee"

I'll be the first to admit it - I love "Glee," Fox's surprise musical series about a high school glee club. As a high-school Chorus and Drama Club Award recipient, how could I not? Of course, none of the numbers we performed in Woodrow Wilson's Chorus were nearly as slick (or current) as those on "Glee." And unlike the members of the uber-talented Glee Club on the show who know all the notes and lyrics with barely a glance at the sheet music, we took months to prepare our selections. As for choreography and costuming... well, that was left to the annual musical.

I appeared in all of the musicals presented in my four years at Woodrow Wilson High School: "Bye-Bye Birdie;" "Godspell;" "The Wizard of Oz" and "South Pacific," moving up the ranks until I was cast as Emil in my senior year (the less we talk about my role as the Cowardly Lion, the better).

Still, what I wouldn't have given to be a part of Mr. Schuester's amazing ensemble of singers/dancers. Of course, the singers/dancers on "Glee" are all seasoned veterans well beyond the age of most actual high-schoolers, but that hardly matters.

What does matter, is the heart and soul behind the characters in the show. There's Rachel (Lea Michelle), the girl who knows she is destined for theatrical greatness; Finn (Cory Monteith), the Football jock who nevers feels so good as when he is singing; Quinn (Dianna Agron), Finn's cheerleader girlfriend, pregnant by his best friend and sent to Glee Club as a spy by the evil Ms. Sylvester (the always amazing Jane Lynch) and the rest of losers and jocks who are are inspired by Spanish teacher Will Schuester (Miss Saigon's Matthew Morrison), himself a past member of the school's formerly championship Glee Club, now surpassed by Sylvester's championship "Cherrioes" squad. Of course there's the adorably giant-eyed Jayma Mays (Red Eye; "Heroes") as the school counselor in love with Will, but betrothed to the awkward gym coach, Ken (Patrick Gallagher) and the hilarious Iqbal Theba as the clueless Principal Figgins, who seems to take delight in pitting Schuester and Sylvester against one another. And don't get me started on Will's wife, Terri ("Nip/Tuck" alum Jessalyn Gilsig), who is pretending to be pregnant in order to hold onto the man she doesn't deserve. And then there's the gay kid, Kurt (Chris Colfer), whose coming out to his dad made me cry and the adorably hot best friend, Puck (Mark "Please Lose the Lame Mohawk" Salling) who not only knocked up Quinn, but hooked up with Rachel because his mother wants him to date a "nice Jewish girl." Talk about ensemble casting! And I've barely scratched the surface, here.

Say what you may about Fox's deplorable and ridiculously right-skewed news division; their entertainment division has done something no other network has been able to do. They've created the first ever successful musical TV series. Anyone remember "Cop Rock?" If you do, I'm sorry. Hilarious, topical, sexy and fun "Glee" is probably the best non-Sci-Fi series to hit the airwaves in a very long time.

I say it's about time that Musical Theatre Geeks got our own TV show and I proudly stand among them shouting "Thank you!" to the show's creators, writers and cast. I just have to ask, where the hell were you when I was 16, and really could have used you?

If you haven't seen "Glee," do yourself a favor and watch it. And here are a few clips to whet your appetite:

You go, Girl!



That song's never going away, is it? So, which character do you think I identify most with? No cheating!

More, anon.
Prospero

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TV Review: "V"

I rarely watch Prime Time television in real time, especially since the advent of the DVR. So, it wasn't until tonight that I saw ABC's re-tooled version of their early 80's Mini-Series (and short-lived regular series) "V."

In preparation for the new series, I did watch most of SyFy's original "V" marathon on Sunday. It was just as ridiculous and cheesy as I remembered, but still an interesting take on modern fascism and the notion of people as sheep, blindly following those who promise a better life for doing so.

The original mini-series starred Beastmaster's Marc Singer as a network camera man who uncovers the Visitor's secret plot to steal Earth's water and eat her people. It took its time revealing plot points (as a mini-series, it had the luxury to do so) and I remember being shocked as all hell by that revealing shot of the Visitors' spokeswoman Diana (Jane Badler) opening her jaws (in a typically unrealistic '80's physical effect) to swallow a guinea pig whole. The Nazi allegory was deliberately unmistakable and the acting and special effects unintentionally cheesy.

In the latest version, "Lost" alum Elizabeth Mitchell plays FBI agent Erica Evans, who is as shocked and disturbed by the aliens' arrival as anyone. Joel Gretsch ("The 4400") is Father Jack Landry, a priest who has doubts about the Visitor's intentions and Morena Baccarin is Anna, the leader of the Visitors, who insist they are here to help Humanity in exchange for water and a "plentiful mineral" they need to sustain their lives. Alan Tudyk (Death at a Funeral; "Dollhouse" and the original cast of The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told) is Erica's partner and "Party of Five" alum Scott Wolf is the ambitious reporter Chad, who is soon taken in by Anna's charms and becomes the Visitors official media outlet. Add cutie-pie Logan Huffman as Erica's Visitor-enthralled son and hottie Morris Chestnut as a surprising ally, and you have quite an interesting cast.

The new "V" doesn't waste anytime in revealing the truth behind the Visitors' real intentions, but jumps right into the conspiracy plot in the first hour. No one can be trusted (without surgical proof of a skull beneath their skin) and it's immediately clear that the Vs intentions are far from honorable. Using state-of-the-art special effects; crisp, no-nonsense writing and an excellent ensemble of some of television's most interesting actors, the new "V" is surprisingly entertaining and well-done. Mitchell is particularly good as the single mom struggling to maintain both her career and her relationship with her increasingly distant and rebellious son, while Gretsch is convincing as the Man of God who questions if the Visitors are in fact part of God's divine plan for the human race.

It will be interesting to see where the series goes and whether or not the writers are able to maintain the momentum they have put in place in the show's first episode. And while I must admit that I had my doubts about this particular reboot, I can only hope that the showrunners are able to keep our interest long enough to sustain a long-term run. *** 1/2 (Three and a Half Stars out of Four).



More, anon.
Prospero

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Song and Dance Man

I don't exactly remember the first time I saw the often brilliant Christoper Walken on screen. Probably it was in 1977's The Sentinel, a horror flick about the guardian of the Gates of Hell in a New York City Brownstone. It starred a slew of folks whose names everyone knew in the 70's, but are completely unknown by the Twilight generation. Walken played Detective Rizzo. I remember being completely freaked out by it's combination of special effects and actors who had real birth defects and deformities. The scenes in the clip below really don't do it justice, but you get the general idea:

I remember him next in Michael Cimino's 1978 Vietnam flick The Deer Hunter, in which Walken portrayed Nick, a POW forced to play Russian Roulette by his captors. I didn't really appreciate this film when it forst came out - it was a war movie, after all (and someday we'll talk about my aversion to war movies), but Walken is brilliant in this intense scene with Robert DiNiro:

We'll skip Cimino's infamous and ill-fated Heaven's Gate and move on to Herbert Ross' 1981 bizarre Depression Era musical Pennies from Heaven, where he lip-synchs to an old recording of Fats Waller's "Let's Misbehave," and in which he finally gets to display the dance training he received as a child:

Then there was Douglas Trumball's 1983 Brainstorm, infamous as Natalie Wood's last film, about a machine designed to record dreams which ultimately ends up recording Louise Fletcher's character's death experience:

That same year, he played Johnny Smith in David Cronenberg's adaptation of Stephen King's The Dead Zone:

Skipping through Walken's 1985 Bond appearance (A View to a Kill) and 1988's Neil Simon memory play, Biloxi Blues in 1988, we come upon 1989's Communion, based on author Whitley Streiber's semi-autobiographical alien abduction novel. It's probably the movie that cemented Walken as a weirdo, but it remains one of his most interesting performances:

Four years later, Walken played Max Schreck in Tim Burton's Batman Returns. Named for the actor who first played Dracula (albeit unofficially), Schreck is an evil department store owner who is planning on taking Gotham City down with the help of Danny DeVito's Penguin:

Walken's career just goes on and on. From his many appearances on"Saturday Night Live"

to his amazing dance routine in the 1997 video for Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice"

and his hysterical turn as Wilbur Turnblad in the movie version of the musical Hairspray:

So, what made me go on this Walken spree? Well, this clip from a BBC "chat-show" in which Walken gives a dramatic reading of the lyrics to Lady Gaga's hit "Poker Face" (via):

I'm the first to admit that I've glossed over dozens of Mr. Walken's performances on film and TV in a decades-long career most actors would kill to have had, but a post talking about all of them would take far longer to write than I can do without spending an entire day researching and commenting. Someday, I'll probably talk about his other movie, video and TV appearances than I was able to mention here. Needless to say, I am in awe of the man's versatility and staying power in an industry which routinely shews up and spits out performers with the regularity that rivals my own digestive system's (Oh, gross! Did I actually just type that sentence?) Anyway - here's to CW! Long may he rule our screens!

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

This is a picture of actor Jack Coleman (L), currently HRG or Noah Bennett on ABC's "Heroes." In the early 1980's, long before I came out to my family, Jack was a different kind of hero to me. His character was one of Prime Time TV's first serious gay characters, Steven Carrington. Of course, it didn't last long and any mention of Steven's sexuality was long gone after the first season or so.

Over at Towleroad today, they posted the video below, chronicling the history of gay characters on Prime Time soaps. That's gorgeous Billy Campbell ("The 4400") as Steven's lover in the Dynasty clip and "Desperate Housewives" co-star Doug Savant in the "Melrose Place" clip.

The 7-minute video is hardly definitive, but does show progress over the last 20-odd years.

My question is, when will Prime Time Network TV be ready to present a serious drama in which all the main characters are gay? I'm guessing not for another 20 years, which saddens me. After all, the BBC and Showtime have been doing so for quite a while now (see the other two clips, probably NSFW)...

"Queer As Folk" (US version):



"The 'L' Word:"

GLAAD gives out an annual award for positive portrayals of LGBT people and characters in media. It would be so nice if they didn't have to. In fact, it would be even nicer if GLAAD didn't need to exist. Personally, I'm tired of being treated as a 2nd Class Citizen just because of the way I was born. I hope I live to see the day when people look back on LGBT history and think "How could we have been so stupid?"

More anon,
Prospero

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Did I Actually Just see That?

Two years ago, as part of my "Secret Santa" at work, a co-worker who knows me all too well gave me a DVD of the movie Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. As you can see from the picture (and the embedded clips below), I am not making this up. Needless to say, I did not watch it, but put it in my collection in the hopes that no one would notice it was there. Of course, like the undead, it wouldn't stay buried forever. So tonight, as part of My Dear D's birthday celebrations, we watched Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter and were thoroughly entertained by its total awfulness.

After an intro featuring the Rasputin-ish "Ivan Freud" standing in amidst what looks like a marijuana grove, the real 'movie' starts. I'll try and make sense of it's plot for you. Vampires have become impervious to sunlight (we later find out this is because of skin-grafts from a mad scientist/doctor/looney) and are now feeding on Ottawa's LGBT community. Well, mostly lesbians, just so the filmmakers could include shots of lesbian kissing. The vampires think this is the perfect group to target since "they are deviants and won't be missed." Of course, nothing pisses Jesus off more than vampires killing lesbians, so He returns in the form Canadian "actor" Phil Caracas. After his first encounter with the vampires at a lake (featuring a mohawked-priest who blesses the lake so Jesus can throw the vampires in it), He gets a shave, haircut and a #8-gauge ear piercing. Who wouldn't? Then there's a big musical number with the citizens of Ottawa, featuring go-go girls and a skateboard (my hand to God).

Not long after moving into an apartment above a church, Jesus meets Mary Magnum, a pleather-wearing vampire hunter who takes him to a second-hand store for less conspicuous looking clothes. Oh, yeah - first, Jesus stops at a local hardware store to buy firewood to carve into stakes (I only wish I was making this up). Of course, this is right after Jesus has an encounter with a group of atheists in the world's first Clown Car Jeep in one the most pathetically choreographed fight scenes, ever:

Apparently, the head atheist had a coconut in his belly!

It goes on in much the same way, filled with horrendously ridiculous "special effects" (we particularly liked the medical tubing "veins" and panty-hose "intestines"). Jesus takes a terrible beating by the vampires at Dr. Preatorious' clinic and is rescued by a hairy transvestite Good Samaritan who is never seen again. Eventually, Jesus hooks up with Mexican wrestling star Santos and the weirdly silent Gloria Oddbottom (a woman whose gigantic ass is groped at every opportunity - even by Jesus) to battle the vampires in a junkyard, while simultaneously fighting the lumpy Dr. Preatorious at his clinic. But Jesus, being merciful, heals the vampires and sends Santos back to Mexico with his new bi-sexual ex-vampire girlfriend. WTF?!!!

If you've never seen Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, I wouldn't recommend that you do - unless you're really in the mood to laugh at some pathetic acting, ridiculous dialog ("You're all up in the Kool-Aid and you don't even know what flavor it is") and the worst special effects that $40k Canadian can buy (in 2001, that was about $6.57 U.S.). I know that director Lee Demarbre and writer Ian Driscoll (who also plays a vampire named "Johny Golgotha") were trying to make a comedy. Sadly, Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer is funny for all the wrong reasons. Could Demarbre be the Canadian Ed Wood?

The best part of the movie? Probably it's haunting theme song: "Everyone Gets Laid Tonight." That, and the fact not one character is surprised or intimidated by the fact that Jesus has returned to Earth. "Body of Christ," indeed.

More, anon.
Prospero

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