My Last Post of 2010

The next time I post, it will 2011. Can you believe it? This year sure flew by, didn't it?

I, for one, am not really sorry to see 2010 go. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of great moments in 2010. I made some wonderful new friends; got to direct three shows; got my third tattoo and spent my birthday at an iconic amusement park with several dear friends. I saw a few really terrific movies and even more really bad ones. I watched some groundbreaking TV, was crushed (and eventually glad) to find that Sharktopus was more interesting to SyFy than Army of the Dead and got that much closer to completing a script I think is even better than Army of the Dead. My sister made a rare trip North; my parakeet finally learned that I'm not a threat (we even play a game with one of his toys, now); I finally realized how unfair it would be for me to get a boxer, even though I desperately want one and I had delightful year-end holiday experience (so far, anyway). I was part of my first YouTube video (and am about to instigate another*); I was lucky enough to spend my 8th year as a board member of the JTMF and managed to convince our founder to add The Trevor Project* as one of our beneficiaries with our recent production of It's a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play.

Even with all the amazing and good things that happened this year, the terrible things seemed to have weighed more heavily. There was the Great Kitchen/Bathroom Disaster of January, followed soon after by the Great Health Scare of February. Then the most repulsive movie ever made was released and my faith in good Horror movies was reduced to ashes... May saw the end of TV's most intriguing drama in years; and the scandal that should have (but didn't) blow the lid on religious hypocrites. June gave us not only JTMF's Sordid Lives, but my pick for the Worst Movie of 2010. July may have given us the Double Rainbow and my amazing birthday celebration, but August extended the Summer of Suck, as far as movies were concerned. September saw me battling my continuing struggle with depression, though Top Girls helped me through a lot of that (not to mention the addition of several new friends). Then Fall suddenly came, slip-sliding into the Holiday Season without any warning at all, and Uncle Prospero found himself with his faith in humanity curiously renewed, as he seems to do every year.

Still, I want to know where my jetpack is; where my flying car is and what other lifeforms are living on Io. Is that really so much to ask in this, the start of the second decade of the 21st Century?

In all seriousness, I wish all of you the Happiest, Healthiest and Best of New Years. Be safe, sane and most of all, kind in the coming year. I hope your dreams come true (or at least closer to it) and that you find your bliss. I hope you know the kinds of friendships with which I have been blessed and that all of your endeavors end in nothing less than success. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for caring about what I have to say. I hope 2011 is better or all of us.

Happy New Year!

Brian

*Watch for the JTMF "It Gets Better" video soon.

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Silent Night

A very Merry Christmas to all of my readers. Thank you for stopping by now and again to indulge my take on film; theatre; music; politics; LGBT issues; life; assorted nonsense and of course, zombies. I wish you all the joys of the holiday season and many, many more. 

My life may be far from perfect (really, whose is?) but I can only hope that all of you are having as much fun as I seem to to be and that you are surrounded by as many loving friends as I am blessed to be. I hope that Santa is wise and generous; your turkey (or ham) is moist and flavorful; your children are well-behaved; your brother-in-law doesn't drink too much and that you won't have to wait long in return lines on Sunday.

"At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year." ~ Thomas Tusser

More, soon.
Brian

Added about 2 hours later, (via) some Christmas gratuity (or weirdness,depending on your POV):



"I like him. He's silly!"

B

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Turkey Month Turkey of the Month: "Blood Freak"

Yes, that is a turkey-headed monster on the poster for Blood Freak, a 1972 anti-drug picture made by religious nutjobs to warn against the dangers of marijuana.

Blood Freak is the story of Herschel (Steve Hawkes), a Vietnam vet who picks up a hitchhiker named Angel (Heather Hughes) on his hog and takes her home. Angel is a religious good girl, who invites Herschel to crash at her pad for a while. Angel's sister Ann (Dana Cullivan) is a bad girl and she turns Herschel onto pot, to which he immediately becomes maniacally addicted. To support his habit, Herschel gets a job at a local turkey processing plant, testing turkey meat. Of course, the turkey place is run by a mad scientist who is trying to create a turkey that's as addictive as pot. When Herschel eats some contaminated turkey - his head turns into a papier mache turkey head!

And if having a papier mache turkey head isn't bad enough, Herschel is now a turkey-vampire who can only survive by drinking the blood of other pot addicts. Naturally, he goes on a killing spree, draining blood from his victims and slurping it up through his papier mache beak from his hands (I guess he couldn't find a straw). Finally, Jesus shows up to teach Herschel the error of his ways and he is saved, upon which he wakes up to discover the whole thing was just a drug-fueled nightmare. 

I wish I was making this one up, but I'm not. Here:

Wow. Poppers, wine and pot. Yep, these are some bad people. Not only does Blood Freak make absolutely no sense, it features some of the worst acting ever committed to celluloid; special effects that would make H.G. Lewis laugh at their amateurishness and several brief appearances by director Brad F. Grintner as the Narrator/Herschel's conscience, who occasionally breaks out into a coughing fit so bad, you wish he'd swallow some codeine-laced cough syrup already:

And mind you, the trailer below was intended to make you want to see this movie:

 

Why do I think the maker's of V8 are indebted to the makers of this film?

Thus endeth the Turkey Month Turkeys. I hope you and yours had a wonderful and delicious Thanksgiving. As always, I have loads to be thankful for, not the least of which are you, my readers. I don't have nearly as many followers as some bloggers, but I am very thankful for the ones I do have. 

Tomorrow is known as Black Friday in the U.S. (presumably because it's the day when retailers' books go into the black ink, rather than the red) and Uncle P will be out looking for holiday bargains (though not at 3 or 4 AM, as many will be). I've already done some Christmas shopping online and have just a few more things to pick up. If they're good enough to share, I'll recount my shopping adventures tomorrow. If not, expect more of the usual nonsense.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Mom

It's Mother's Day. I was going to post a picture of my mother, but she'd kill me and I wouldn't want to upset her on her day.

Seriously, my mother is pretty terrific. All she ever wanted to be was a mother. She married my father at 18 and had me just a few months before she turned 20. It would be another 6 years before my sister came along. When we were kids, Mom loved snow days, because she got to spend the whole day with us. And she was practically ecstatic when our school district went on strike one September. It meant almost another whole month we could stay home and play with her. We would play board games, color, do paint-by-numbers and crafts. In fact, one of my earliest memories is playing with Colorforms at our dining room table in the tiny house my parents rented in Trenton, before we moved to the tiny house I grew up in, in Levittown.

When I was in High School, I had an opportunity to travel to France with my French class. Mom took a part-time job as a Playground Monitor at a local elementary school, so she could afford to send me. She often went without so my sister and I could have the things we wanted, whether it was designer jeans; tickets to the latest show in town or my sister's wedding. She taught us the basics of housekeeping - how to cook a meal; how to sew on a button; how to remove a stain from the carpet and (best of all) how to find a bargain. I swear, that woman would make a deal with devil if it meant saving money.

After my father finally left (what she often says is "...the second best thing to happen to me, after you kids."), she went to work full-time as a switchboard operator in a local department store, quickly working her way up to HR Assistant. After that, she landed a job with with mob-owned garbage disposal company. Then she worked for a BMW dealer and finally spent 19 years as the Customer Service Manager for a Cadillac dealer before finally retiring this past fall. And she had herself a rather wild time time during her late 40's and early 50's, even dating a Russian hottie who was only a few years older than me at the time. And when I finally worked up the courage to come out to her, she simply said "I knew" and cried - not because I was gay, but because she thought I didn't trust her enough to tell her sooner.

Lately, she's had her share of health issues and has slowed down quite a bit, but she can still make the best mashed potatoes you've ever tasted (though she has yet to teach me how to make her legendary pie-crust). These days, she spends most of her time reading (I can't remember a time when she didn't have a book with her), watching Oprah and The View and generally enjoying herself (when she isn't complaining about how she can't do all the things she used to be able to do).

For Mother's Day this year, I treated her to breakfast yesterday and bought her the latest novel from one of her favorite authors, as well as a beautiful new cushion for her favorite reading chair; all of which she loved. She'd be mightily embarrassed if she knew I was extolling her virtues in such a public venue, but her innate distrust of the Internet ensures she'll never find out (unless one of my friends that know her rats me out).

I hope all of you, dear readers, have as wonderful Mom as I do. And if you don't, just remember.. it could be worse:

Or you could have a Wicked Stepmother...

...in which case, I'm very sorry.



What a bitch!

Happy Mother's Day to all you 'Mothers" out there. I just hope you're all as great as mine.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Review: "Nine"

You may wonder why I am posting so late (or early, depending on point of view). To make a long story short, Uncle Prospero was the designated driver tonight. Uncle P also slipped in the snow Thursday morning and twisted his back, so he's in pain. I got home and decided I needed a drink and here I am...

Anyway, it may be Friday to you, but I haven't been to bed yet, so it's still Thursday to me. And this afternoon I got together with a certain adorable Go-Go Elf named Matty and we saw Rob Marshall's Nine.

Movie musicals are tough. They have to be extraordinary to succeed with today's audiences. Moulin Rouge, Hairspray and Chicago are all rather extraordinary in one way or another. I am sad to report that Nine is rather less than so.

Based on the Broadway musical, itself based on Fellini's 8 1/2, Nine tells the story of director Guido Contini (Daniel Day Lewis). Suffering a mid-life crisis which is preventing him from coming up with a script for the film he is supposed to start shooting in 10 days, Guido takes off to a spa and reflects on the women in his life. Wife Luisa (Marion Cotillard); mistress Carla (Penelope Cruz); costumer and friend Lilli (Judi Dench); leading lady Claudia (Nicole Kidman); childhood prostitute Saraghina (Fergie); 'Vogue' reporter Stephanie (Kate Hudson) and Mamma (Sophia Loren). Sadly, Marshall wastes the talents of nearly every single one of them.

Oddly, for a show about film making, Nine doesn't really work when taken outside of a theatre. Of course, it doesn't help that they removed almost half the numbers from the show (including the title song) and multiplied the angst to the point of boredom. Lewis does an OK job, though I would have rather seen Antonio Banderas reprise his role from the 2003 B'way revival. Cruz (in a multi-colored fright wig and some ridiculous costumes), comes off even creepier than usual (I wasn't sure that was possible), especially in the scene where Guido does her make-up for a sex game where they are supposed to pretend to be strangers. Loren, another victim of too much cosmetic surgery, fares only slightly better. I thought they would have cut her number over others, but then remembered her turn as Aldonza in Man of LaMancha. Hudson, looking more like her mother than ever, has the most annoying number, 'Cinema Italiano,' written especially for the movie in order to garner a Best Song nom, and thankfully Fergie isn't asked to act, only sing in the film's best number 'Be Italian.' Dench croaks her way through 'Follies Bergere' and Kidman's version of 'Unusual Way' was surprisingly flat more than once. Fairing better (musically, anyway) is Cruz in her phone-sex number 'A Call from the Vatican.' The movie's best performance belongs to Cotillard, who's version of 'My Husband Makes Movies' is almost heart-breaking. Her acting is also the best in the movie.

Among Nine's worst problems is its plodding script, surprisingly written in part by the late Anthony Minghella (The English Patient). And Marshall's heavy-handed direction doesn't help. As in Chicago, Marshall stages the musical numbers as fantasy sequences, mostly taking place in Guido's head. Unlike Chicago, this approach does nothing to advance the plot, but merely serves as a comment on it. And the dance numbers are so heavily edited that one can hardly appreciate the actual dancing. Switching back and forth between color and black & white, Marshall's attempts at showing us what Guido is thinking only serve to confuse and often bore the audience. If I wore a watch (I tend to kill them - but that's a story for another time), I would have checked my wrist several times in an attempt to figure how much more I had to endure of this mess. As with Marshall's adaptation of Memoirs of a Geisha, the film was more about flash and glamor, rather than substance and story-telling. I wish I knew who actually said this, but it passed on to me anecdotally, but I have to agree with the critic who said that 'not since The Towering Inferno have so many big names taken part in such a disaster.' (If you know who said it, please tell me so I can credit him or her).

** 1/2 (Two and a Half out of Four Stars), and only because of Marion Cotillard's truly terrific performance. I can't wait to see what the exceptionally talented French actress has to show us next.

And just a reminder, while there may (or may not) be another post for January 1st, there wil lbe no Caliban's Revenge post on Saturday. Read me instead at The Zombie Zone. And when C's R returns on Sunday, it will have a whole new look for the New Year!

Here's wishing everyone the Happiest of New Years! My wish for all of you is that you find your hearts' desires in 2010!

More, anon.
Prospero

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O Holy Night...

(click to enlarge)

Merry Christmas.
Brian

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Gone Giftin'

Just a quick post tonight to wish each and everyone of you the best this Holiday Season. For me, all holidays are secular. I suppose I celebrate the season more as an ancient pagan might; feasting and sharing and glad for the passing of another year above ground. (Too dark? Sorry). And yes, we should celebrate those things every day, but its nice to have a special time set aside for doing extra.

We share our bounty with family, friends and those less fortunate. We eat differently; we get secretive and excited; we wrap gifts in paper to heighten the suspense and take special delight when a gift hits the recipient's mark (or when a giver hits yours). We hug and kiss and carry on; we drink more alcohol and eat more sugar and regret it two weeks after its all over. We spend too much; we stress too much; we run around too much and we put so much pressure on ourselves to have a "perfect" holiday. The best holidays I can remember were always about who I was with, rather what was going on around us or what presents were exchanged.

If you are reading this post, then you are hopefully taking a break from Holiday Madness in search of some insight (or at least a chuckle). Or maybe you're hoping for one of my occasional links to some half-naked hottie or a YouTube clip:

And ha-ha if you clicked that half-naked hottie link.

I'll be back on the Zombie Zone this Saturday (and you should check it to see my favorite Christmas gift so far, from the same kindred spirit who made my "Princess Unicorn" doll last year) and then again with my review (finally) of Avatar Sunday night or early Monday morning.

Eat well, give wisely and spend time with those you love this weekend. Uncle Prospero * certainly plans to do so, and strongly suggests you follow his advice. We wouldn't want this happening, would we?:

Peace on Earth; Joy to the World; Shalom; Namaste; Peace; Flowers; Beads; Happiness. Hare-hare, Rama-rama; Shama-lama-ding-dong.

Oh, and one more thing:



More, not-quite-as-usually anon.
Prospero

PS - Ha-ha if you didn't click on the second half-naked hottie link. Merry X-Mas, Yo.

*Bonus points to the first person who identifies that image.

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In Case I Forget...

I think I already mentioned that my posts are about to get shorter and lighter. It's the Holiday Season, after all, and we're all so busy this time of year. For me, it's nice to know that a few folks care enough about what I have to say to visit here at least a few times a week.

My Christmas shopping is finally finished (though I am very late this year) and now I have the wrapping to contend with, though I managed to arrange my gift exchanges in manageable intervals that will allow me to wrap in stages, rather than all at once. I don't bake, so I needn't worry about cookies or special desserts, though I do cook and my Christmas Brunch menu is already planned: Stuffed Italian Toast (French Toast made with Panatone and stuffed with cream cheese and pineapple preserves), sausage patties, bacon, Asti Mimosas and Amaretto-spiked coffee.

We exchange gifts on Christmas Eve in my family, and Christmas Day is for lounging, eating and watching the DVDs we opened last night. We sleep in, have an extravagant, calorie-laden brunch and don't do much of anything, really. We don't do a big dinner, but nosh all day on the left-overs from the night before. Not being particularly religious in any sort of organized way, Christmas for Uncle Prospero has become a time to celebrate the love of his family and friends; a time to reflect on the past and look forward to what the new year may bring and yet another opportunity to express my thanks and love to those who love me.

I'd especially like to thank those of you who read my nonsense on a regular basis. You guys help validate me. And a special shout out to Sean and the two Stephens. You guys are the best! May the New Year bring all of us our hearts' desires as well as all the love, joy and happiness we all deserve.

I know, I know. "Uncle Prospero, have you gotten mushy and sentimental?"

Yes, damnit, I have! It's the season; it's the mood; it's the whatever. I still meant every word.

Okay, off to work on the new screenplay.

Less mush and more other kinds of nonsense, anon.
Prospero

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An Aperitif

I found this image while looking for a picture as part of the Big Bad Movie Extravaganza, but was so intrigued I went looking for the movie and was both horrified and delighted to find that Thankskilling is an actual movie. The trailer says Fall, 2008; IMDb says November 2009. I have never heard of it before this very moment. I MUST see it!

Obviously, it's a comedy and in all fairness, the trailer is actually sort-of amusing. The stuff they're parodying seems a bit dated, but it also seems so cheaply and ineptly made that nothing can stop me from tracking it down, now. Language may be NSFW:

I hope your Thanksgiving was as delicious and wonderful as that trailer was painful. On to the Main Course.

P

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