The Reviews Are In

And they ain't pretty. 

On what was supposed to have been the opening day of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, now postponed until March 15th and still in previews since November, national theatre critics could no longer hold their tongues and let the vitriol spill toward this ill-conceived (if not downright stupid) musical.

Most vicious was Ben Brantly at the New York Times (full review here) who said the show is "...so grievously broken in every aspect that it is beyond repair." And "...only when things go wrong in this production does it remotely feel right - if, by right, one means entertaining." Yikes!

Less nasty, but equally disdainful, Charles McNulty of the L.A. Times said "Incoherence isn't much fun to sit through." He also says the show's failure "...rests squarely on Taymor's run-amok direction." McNulty's full review is here. Meanwhile, Chris Jones of the Chicago Tribune writes that show's woes boil down to "...an incoherent story." Jones seems to genuinely want to like the show in his review, but just can't. Peter Marks in The Washington Post laments "...the creature that most often spreads its wings at the Foxwoods (Theatre) is a Turkey" and that "...its more appropriate home might be off a highway in Orlando." (Ouch!)

Personally, I've said from the first moment I heard about the show that it was destined for failure. And while I may delight in a sense of schadenfreude (a word I've been using a lot, lately), I can't help but feel bad for the hardworking cast and crew of Spider-Man. I know from personal experience how tough it can be to put a show a together. But I also know that without a story to hold the audience's interest and without characters to whom they can relate, no amount of spectacle can save a bad show. I'll admit, Taymor's visuals are unparalleled and when they work (as in The Lion King and Titus) they do so beautifully.Of course, the crtics are also faulting the mostly forgettable score by U2's Bono and The Edge, citing only a few numbers as worthy of a Broadway musical, while being exceptionally kind to the cast who seem to be struggling against almost insurmountable technical, musical and scriptural issues. Honestly, I feel really badly for the poor schlubs who are contractually obligated to appear in this disaster night after night. It can't be much fun, knowing you're in the worst Broadway musical since Carrie. Sadly, all fault with the show seems to lie with Taymor and her insane vision, a lesson future backers will certainly have in mind when she proposes her next Broadway debacle.

Hopefully, this will be my final rant about this particular show. I'm also hoping that the upcoming production of the Australian import Priscilla: Queen of the Desert will outshine and eventually overshadow Spider-Man by its sheer fabulousness alone (and can guarantee it will be the show I'm willing to shill $100+ to see over Taymor's monstrosity). 

Still, I will somehow sleep easier knowing that I was right all along, and that superheroes have no serious place on the Broadway stage... Just ask the producers of It's a Bird... It's a Plane...

More, anon.
Prospero

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Zombie Double Rainbow

So, regular readers already know that Uncle P is a "Gleek." And while this past Sunday's post-Superbowl episode may not have been the best ever, it sure ranked among this season's best so far.

The taunting and Slushie-dumping has gone too far, so Mr. Schuester (Matthew Morrison) and Coach Beiste (Dot Jones) join forces, making the dissenting members of the football team join Glee Club for at least a week to participate in the Championship game's half-time show. Of course the football players, led by the closeted Dave Karofsky (Max Adler) rebel at first, thinking Glee Club is "gay." Meanwhile, Cheerios' coach and series villain Sue Sylvester (the always brilliant and hilarious Jane Lynch) hatches a plan to shoot poor, dimwitted Brittany (Heather Morris) out of circus canon during the Cheerleading Championship.

In the end (Spoiler Alert) the jocks relent, proving the joy of performing far outweighs the price of winning. Brittany, Santana and Quinn abandon Sue for Glee; Rachel, Mercedes and Tina take one for the team and Sue is left fuming over events completely (for once) out of her control. It was nice to see the good guys win for a change, though to be honest, in the real world Sue Sylvester would have been fired ages ago. And there was the extra-special schadenfreude of Sue getting a back tattoo of herself with her name misspelled. "It's Slyvester, right?"

Meanwhile, over at the private boys' school, Kurt and his adorable crush Blaine (Darren Criss) chime in with a completely unrelated cover of "Bills, Bills, Bills," which only went to show that Ryan Murphy and company still have a few surprises up their sleeves.

Of course, "Glee" is hardly representative of the "real world." In my high school, the football team participated in the musical (they were the Seabees in South Pacific my senior year) and I can remember the Captain of the football team (my understudy as Emile) telling me he was terrified at the prospect of going on in my place. 

The 70's were a weird time and while I can't imagine a conversation like that taking place today, I certainly hope that modern high school jocks and performers have the same kind of respect for one another. And I look forward to the day when Murphy allows Karofsky to acknowledge his sexuality in a healthy and supportive way. Until then, I'll continue to enjoy "Glee" for what it is: the first ever successful musical TV series.

More, anon.

Prospero

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TV Review: Face Off

I hardly qualify as a "reality" TV fan. In fact, I know I've ranted about it here, more than once. I think shows like "The Bachelor/The Bachelorette;" "Survivor" and (certainly the worst offender of all time) "The Jersey Shore" are reprehensible and signs that Western Civilization as we know it is on its last legs. All that having been said, I do actually watch a few of the competition shows, mostly on The Food Network. I love the challenges given in the form of bizarre ingredients to the chefs on "Chopped" and find myself fascinated by the people on "Worst Cooks in America," mostly because I have been cooking since a rather young age and thanks to my mother and paternal grandmother, consider myself quite handy in the kitchen and am actually appalled by the lack of basic skills displayed by the contestants.

Now, Syfy (I still can't get used to that name) has entered the fray with "Face Off," a competition show for special effects makeup artists. Many years ago, Uncle P considered entering the field of SFX Makeup. My fascination with movie makeup started as child with the Universal Monster Classics. I grew up in awe of folks like Bud Westmore, Charles Pierce, Rick Baker and the legendary Tom Savini. All through college, I was the go-to guy for special makeups in shows like The Apple Tree; RUR and Ladies in Retirement. I did an independent study in Prosthetic Makeup (which required an excruciatingly difficult Anatomy class) and actually thought I might have a career in the field. Sadly, my sculptural skills were lacking and while I could draw a fairly decent representation of the effect I was going for and had (and still do have) some mad skills with a makeup brush, my hands just couldn't recreate in clay what they were able to draw in charcoal. Still, if I'm in or directing a a show which requires painted makeup effects, I'm the guy who ends up doing them. And that's OK.

So, I must admit admit to being quite jealous of the contestants on "Face Off." All of them have been working as professional FX artists on independent and/or major films and have some mad skills of their own, though a few are obviously more skilled and talented than the others. I've seen the first two episodes so far and have already decided on my favorites. Each episode features an Immunity Challenge and a Spotlight Challenge. The winner of the first challenge gets an automatic pass in the Spotlight Challenge, no matter how good or bad his or her work is. In the first episode, I immediately found myself disliking the lazy and undeservedly cocky Frank, who seems to want to do as little as possible and almost actually forfeited the challenge in Episode 2. Of course, I found the impossibly handsome Connor at the top of my list of favorites, along with the talented Anthony. Most of the contestants have multiple credits on IMDb; some on major films, though most on indie, straight-to-DVD schlock movies. 

The first episode's Spotlight Challenge involved turning a model into Human/Animal hybrid, while the second concerned full body painting on a nude model. Jerk Frank refused to paint his male model's front, placing a lampshade on his head to add insult to injury. Still, he survived the cut, though I don't imagine (or hope) he'll last to the end.

The Grand Prize winner will supposedly go on to a massive career in the SFX industry, though since the advent of CGI, special makeup effects aren't the booming industry they were in the 80's (yet another reason to be glad I didn't pursue that particular career path). And while it's quite easy to sit back in the comfort of my living room and judge the contestants' skills, I know it can't be easy for them to produce quality work week after week, especially given the time constraints imposed upon them. But I am very much enjoying watching them try. 

The show is ably hosted by Bud Westmore's granddaughter McKenzie and judged by three Oscar-winning Make Up Artists: Ve Neil; Glen Hetrick and Patirick Tatopuolis, and features a fourth specialty judge for each challenge. For a Fantasy/Horror/Sci-Fi geek with at least some insight into the industry, "Face Off" is a fun (if somewhat cheesy) peek inside the industry.

I hope the show continues to be the fascinating look into the creative process that it's been so far and I can't wait to see what happens when the contestants get into sculpting and molding  prosthetics. Or when the challenges (hopefully) become more subtle. Six episodes remain, though I think I have a good idea of who will win, already. "Face Off" airs Wednesdays at 10 PM Eastern on Syfy.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Monkeys and Missed Manners

So... while making my daily commute this morning, I came to the conclusion that inebriated rhesus monkeys could probably drive better than 50% of the idiots that were on the roads in southeastern PA this morning. This is not exactly a new observation for Uncle P, but rather a concern about the lack of common courtesy in my fellow human beings.

This is something I have observed not just among drivers, but in almost every aspect of daily life. When I visit my local grocery store, I am constantly amazed by the shoppers who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle while they go in search of what they are looking for, without a care about the other shoppers they may be inconveniencing by doing so. While searching for a parking spot at my local strip mall, I am stunned by the ruthlessness with which other folks will steal the spot which I have patiently for, turn signal be damned. And speaking of turn signals - please use them. And put them on before you brake, so I know why you are braking. And if you call me to ask a question, please let me answer that question before you interrupt - I'm about to finish a sentence that will address your question in full.

Would you like me to move, so you can reach the perfect lemon? Then say "Excuse me," as you elbow your way towards it. Do you want to borrow something of mine? No problem -- as long as you return it when you are finished with it (unless its the thirtieth cigarette you've bummed without offering me a single one of yours). Need a ride home? Okay - just don't ask me to stop for a quick moment and then spend an hour at the Quickie Mart while I grow increasingly impatient in the parking lot. Has the light turned yellow? Then let the person who has patiently waited to make a left turn go, rather than gunning your engine through the intersection because you don't have the patience to wait two minutes for the next green light. Does the person behind you in line at the checkout have one item while you have twenty? Let them go ahead... you'll both benefit. Does a co-worker smile and acknowledge you as he passes you in the corridor? Then do the same, rather than stare at the floor and ignore him.

None of these things are particularly difficult to do. And they make the world just that much more a pleasant place in which to spend one's life. You may well think that you are the Center of the Universe (and for all intents and purposes, you are), but that doesn't mean you are the ONLY person in that Universe. Like it or not, we have to share the planet with one another. Imagine how much nicer and easier your life would be if you were treated with the most basic of courtesies. 

Sadly, try as I might, more people are far more concerned with their own Universes than the one which we are forced to share.

Sorry for the lecture (I had a day). Those of you who already practice common courtesy know I'm not talking to or about them and those who don't are already lost causes... but maybe, just maybe, one of the latter group will recognize themselves and decide to make a change for the better. Of course, those who are so unaware will simply assume I'm talking about someone else and go about their lives being a**holes without knowing so and completely miss the point of the post in first place. 

"Uncle P, why are so so cranky tonight?" Honestly - it's because the a**holes seem to be outnumbering the decent folks and that is simply not acceptable. The next time you find yourself in public, ask yourself how you want to be treated and do the same to for everyone you encounter. I believe It's called "The Golden Rule."

More, anon.
Prospero

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Fake Movies!

Man, I'd love to see a movie called Elvis Versus Godzilla, wouldn't you? I imagine it would be filled with hip-swiveling, fire-breathing, rock-'em sock-'em action.  Though I imagine the big screen versions of Gilligan's Island (perfect casting, by the way); Matlock 2040; The King of Space; Action Doctor; Smoke Jumpers; The Cookie Thief; Death Goat and The Gecko would all be a little less than what most people would define as "good."

And it's not just movie posters that are being faked these days. Entire trailers and even almost entire fake movies are being made, though if they exist, I suppose they aren't exactly fake, are they? Still folks are putting lots of effort into making trailers for movies that don't exist (at least not yet). Point in case - Michael Deak, a former makeup and effects artist has a YouTube channel for his fake B-movie trailers, which I found thanks to the wackos over at BoingBoing. Here's a prime example of his work, the trailer for The Long Dead Smell (which is probably one of the most hilarious movie titles, ever):

Then there are the folks who do "mash-up" trailers, combining existing material from different movies to create a trailer for an altogether different non-existent movie, like this one for Vampire the Masquerade:

And then there are the full-on joke trailers, such as this one for The Mystery Guest:



Or Titanic: The Sequel:



And there's this painstakingly created trailer for a live-action version of the animated series "Thundercats," which I am sure I have posted before:

Still, Entertainment Weekly may well have found the most brilliant fake movie of all time. The good folks at College Humor have discovered that editing all the McBain scenes featured in "The Simpsons" actually add up to an almost complete movie, with rather hilarious results:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

While I may prefer real movies to fake ones, I am almost in awe of the film fans who have both the time and  resources to create these tributes to a truly American art form. And I look forward to the day when I can post a real trailer for a movie made from one of my own screenplays. 

More, anon.

Prospero

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Looking Forward

Okay - enough whining about the weather and the lack of sunlight. It's time to talk about one of my favorite subjects - movies. There are tons of movies I am really excited about in the upcoming year, several of which are scheduled for the next couple of months.

Most of them are genre pictures and I am not above admitting they are the ones to which I am most looking forward. That's probably because genre pictures have the highest level of escapism. Whether its vampires (NOT sparkly wimpy ones); werewolves; aliens; monsters; superheroes or mad science, I am a sucker for all things Fantasy, Sci-Fi and/or Horror. Of course, that doesn't men they will all be worth seeing. If you read my recent review of Season of the Witch (a movie I was really looking forward to seeing), you'll know I'm not an easily satisfied genre junkie.

So, what does look good to Uncle P in the coming months? Let's take a peek, shall we?

February 11 sees The Eagle with Channing Tatum and Jamie Bell in what is sure to be a homoerotic Sword and Sandals epic about a roman soldier and his hot young slaveboy:

And February 25th brings another insane Nic Cage movie, which could be either awful or insanely brilliant, Drive Angry. Cage plays a man who literally escapes from hell to save his granddaughter from the men who killed him and her mother. William Fitchner, Amber Heard and David Morse co-star:

March 11th sees Battle for Los Angeles, the alien invasion movie that may well prove to be what the critically disappointing Skyline should have been, starring Aaron Eckhardt, Michelle Rodriguez and Bridget Moynahan:

Also on March 11th is Red Riding Hood, covering much the same material as Neil Jordan's The Comapny of Wolves, this time directed by Twilight's Catherine Hardwicke and starring Amanda Seyfried, Lukas Haas and Gary Oldman:

March 18th brings us director Greg Mottola's Paul starring Nick Frost and Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) in the story of two slackers who encounter an alien on their way to ComicCon:

March 18 is the scheduled premiere for Love, a Sci-Fi epic from director William Eubank about an astronaut stranded alone aboard the International Space Station after the apocalypse:

And March 25th brings us the movie to which I am most looking forward to seeing this spring, Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch, starring Abby Cornish as a young woman who must use her imagination to escape the insane asylum to which she has wrongly been consigned. Say what you will about Synder's films, no other director working today (with the possible exception of Christopher Nolan) has his particular eye for astonishing visuals:

And other upcoming films I'm excited to see:

Super 8 (6/10/11):



Green Lantern (6/17/11):



Captain America (7/22/11):



Cowboys and Aliens (7/29/11):

And some others for which trailers have yet to be posted: Anonymous (9/30/11);  11/11/11 (11/11/11 - obviously); Fright Night (11/13/11): Immortals (11/11/11) and Hugo Cabret (12/09/11).

Remember, all release dates are subject to change at the whim of the lunatic accountants who now run Hollywood. I'll be posting my reviews as I see them.

More, anon.

Prospero

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making tattoo

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