The Gayest Things You'll See This Week

Not that I'm now shilling for Frito-Lay (I'm not). but for the past several years they've been running a "Crash the Superbowl" contest, the winner of which gets to have his or her Doritos commercial air during the Superbowl (you know it exists, even if you don't watch it).*

There have been some very funny entries and winners over the years, though I don't really remember any gay-themed entries in the past (or at least any that were positive - oh wait, that's Snickers. Nevermind - suck it, Mars).

Anyway, I discovered the two entries below tonight on Towleroad. They are funny and inoffensive enough, as long you have a sense of humor -- something sorely lacking in so many people these days. I mean I'm all for political correctness -- to a certain extent. Sometimes, though, you just have to sit back, laugh and admit something's funny, even if it isn't particularly PC. Still, I don't think there's anything particularly offensive in either of these spots (unless you object to half-naked hotties, but that's a different issue altogether). So, without further ado, here are the two gayest entries in this year's contest:

Yes. Yes I do.

I'll bet she never lets him trim those hedges again...

And on a more serious note, also via Towleroad but seen on several other sites today, a courageous young woman (identified only as "Kayla K.") comes out to her entire High School as part of their MLK Day festivities. Kudos to this courageous young lady and to the school officials who were not afraid to let her do it:

We need more kids like this, more educators like this and more people who are willing to "Break the Silence." I certainly hope she finds the partner of her dreams. She (as do we all) deserves it. That video should be required viewing in every High School in the U.S.

More, anon.
Prospero

*Update - 1/26/11: Since I posted this, Frito-Lay has distanced themselves from these ads (via) saying they are fan-made and will definitely NOT appear during the Superbowl. Personally, I know no one who found these ads offensive and think if Frito Lay was smart, they'd start wooing gay customers.

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Enough With the Creepy Talking Babies, Already

Considering all the Horror/Sci-Fi/Fantasy movies and shows I watch, you would think that very little would scare, unnerve or creep me out. And you'd be right. But there is one thing that disturbs me more than you can imagine - talking babies. I'm not not talking about babies and their first words. "Dada" and "Mama" are hardly scary and can be downright adorable under the right conditions.

No, I'm talking about CGI manipulated images of babies dubbed with adult voices, as seen in TD Ameritrade's commercials of late. Honestly, little else can make my skin crawl like those commercials. Except perhaps the 2002 CBS sitcom "Baby Bob," which starred Adam Arkin and Joely Fisher as the parents of a particularly precocious talking infant. The show also starred the underrated Holland Taylor (now stuck on the obscenely awful and inexplicably popular "Two and a Half Men") and former Mr. Barbra Streisand, Elliott Gould. Apparently, the show was so creepy, I couldn't find any clips of it, anywhere. According to Wikipedia, the character of Baby Bob originated in commercials for the now-defunct Freeinternet.com and after the show's run, reappeared in a series of commercials for the Quiznos sandwich chain:

Okay, I don't know what's creepier in that clip - the talking baby or the sexualization of an infant. Of course, the sexualization of young children always disturbs me. Especially in this context:

Dear God, why is a four year-old being referred to as "...a seasoned professional?" You might as well call her a "whore." The whole concept of child beauty pageants disgusts me. I recently got into a rather heated debate with an old friend about this very subject. Apparently, she had put her daughter through the pageant experience and found it to be positive and uplifting for the girl, who has (according to my friend) since gone on to well-adjusted life. I'm still dubious. Is it any wonder that some creep found JonBenet Ramsey such a turn-on that he had to kill her?* Growing up in the 60's and 70's, there were no children's pageants (or at least, none of which I was aware). Now, they are everywhere. And it saddens me that parents would subject their kids to wearing makeup, hairpieces, false teeth and suggestive costumes in order to win money and scholarships.

I firmly believe that children should be allowed to be children, and not be subject to their parents' fantasies or vicarious hopes.

Now that I have veered slightly off-topic, let's get back to Creepy Talking Babies, shall we?

Still... the sexualization of children continues to pervade the airwaves, especially in Ameritrade's (E*Trade) most recent Superbowl commercial in which the hip, talking baby not only has a girlfriend, but a piece on the side, as well:

It's almost like the Talking Tina episode of "The Twilight Zone":

Or even worse, this commercial for a real talking doll, Mattel's 'Baby Secret':

"I want to tell you a secret... you must kill Mommy and Daddy!"

Seriously, is it just me? Or have we all become so numb to advertising that we allow this kind of crap to go on? Did we learn nothing from "The Bad Seed;" "The Village of the Damned" "Children of the Corn" or "The Children?" More importantly have we learned nothing about the early-sexualization of children since the JonBenet Ramsey murder? That any parent can allow his or her child to subjected to this kind of judgment at such an early age, only manages to reinforce the stereotypes of beauty that Hollywood and Madison Avenue have foisted upon us for more than a hundred years. Should we be surprised that anorexia and bulimia are so prevalent among young girls? And should we be surprised that images of children in adult makeup and costumes encourage pedophiles to act on their deviant impulses? Okay - I'm all for attractive young adults showing off their bodies, but we need to draw the line somewhere.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

More, anon.
Prospero

*While there is no evidence to support the theory that JonBenet was killed by a pedophile, there is little doubt in my mind that such pageants encourage deviant behaviors among those already inclined toward such activity.

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Gratuity, Cliches and Other Nonsense

That's Flavor of the Month Bradley Cooper having himself some fun at a waterpark. The Hangover star is on the cusp of major stardom. I first noticed him in Fox's late series "Kitchen Confidential," in which he played a character based on notorious bad-boy chef, Anthony Bourdain. He also appeared in The Wedding Crashers as well as the underrated and under-seen The Midnight Meat Train and the yet-to-be-released thriller Case 39, co-starring his rumored girlfriend, Renee Zellweger and child actress extraordinaire, Jodelle Ferland (who would have been my choice for Alice in Alice in Wonderland). Unfortunately, he also starred in the romantic comedy stinker All About Steve, which has been on almost every critic's "10 Worst" list for 2009. I have yet to see it (and probably won't), but that does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for this talented star on the rise. Sexy, smart and funny (a deadly combo for your Uncle P), Cooper is poised to become a household name. Let's hope he doesn't screw it up. He is next slated to be seen as Eric Dane's romantic partner in Valentine's Day. Of course, Hollywood execs, being the a-holes they are, have completely omitted the gay love story from any advertising for the movie, hoping to trick straight guys into accompanying their girlfriends to see it. After Valentine's Day, Cooper's next release is the big-screen treatment of The A-Team, in which he plays Faceman, a role originated on TV by "Battlestar Galactica" star Dirk Benedict. Personally, the more I see of Cooper in various states of undress, the better. Of course he'll never replace my obsession, but I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers (or anything he wants to eat, for that matter).

And since I'm on the subject of gratuitous man-flesh, if you go to YouTube and type in "2010 Superbowl Commercials" you'll come across this curious video, featuring 3 cute guys in Speedos, doing their interpretation of Will Ferrel and Chris Katan at the Roxbury (something I thought/hoped had died when the movie flopped). Still, 3 cute guys in Speedos is reason enough for me:

I don't think they're really selling anything here, but themselves. If so, I'll take the dark one in the green Speedo with the longish hair.

So, enough gratuity (for now) and onto the subject of movie cliches. Or, more specifically, Horror Movie Cliches. If you haven't figured it out by now, your Uncle Prospero LOVES horror movies. And while I was aware this was actually a "meme" of sorts, it really took the clip below (via) to drive the point home:

Granted, in at least two of the movies referenced (The Broken and Mirrors), mirrors are a central theme. Thankfully, this slick trick does not appear in any of the screenplays written by yours truly.

Finally tonight, just as I am about to put this post to bed, I looked outside my window to see at least two inches of snow has fallen since I started writing, about an hour ago. If you read my last two posts, you'll know just how this makes me feel. I also learned (by calling our hotline), that my day job is closed tomorrow, allowing me another day for the drugs my doctor prescribed to take effect on my back, injured in a fall on New Year's Eve. Of course, digging out from yet another major snowstorm in less than a week will not help. Sigh... Arizona looks better and better every day...

More nonsense, anon.
Prospero

P.S. If you live in the "Crippling Snowstorm" region of Southeastern PA and Central/North NJ, my heart goes out to you. Take your time shoveling (rest frequently) and just stay home.

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Harry Potter and the Fountain of Youth

After last night's winter rant, I awoke to horrific back spasms (caused by digging out my car) and consequently spent most of the day sleeping under medication. Naturally, I didn't sign on to the Net until about an hour ago.

So, it wasn't until my daily visit to Towleroad* that I finally saw all those Superbowl commercials that everyone goes crazy for, and while I think the Doritos commercials were all pretty hilarious, I'm still pissed at CBS for running the Focus on Family ad. But that's not the point of this particular post.

No, this post is about the ad that most caught my attention. It was for Universal Studios Orlando Theme Park and their newest attraction "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter."

Now, I'm not particularly a Harry Potter fan. I read the first book on a flight from Philly to Tampa (with time to start the Stephen King I was reading at the time) and wasn't all that impressed. The first two or so movies were fun, but I haven't really seen an entire Harry Potter movie since. However, Uncle Prospero is a HUGE Theme Park fan. I always have been. Church carnivals, State Fairs, old-fashioned amusement parks and modern Theme Parks -- I just can't resist 'em. The food, the rides, the general atmosphere of having a good time. And the best Theme Park in the world (IMHO) is Universal Studios Florida, because it combines my two favorite things in the world; movies and thrill-rides.

The park has undergone some changes since I first went back in 1994. The King Kong ride is gone and "The Simpsons Ride" has replaced Back to the Future. The Alfred Hitchcock Experience (one of my favorite original attractions) made way for Twister, a very fun tornado simulator (which I actually hoped would be a rollercoaster). Most significantly, Universal expanded the park, adding Islands of Adventure in 1999. The first five "Islands" were "Jurassic Park;" "Toon Lagoon;" "Marvel Island;" "The Lost Continent" and "Seuss Landing." The day we went to Islands of Adventure, it poured and not all the attractions were running properly ("Spider-Man" in particular), but we still managed to have to a good time. Of course, 11 years later and my sister is still a coaster-wuss and my brother-in-law has vertigo, so they don't do Universal anymore. I'll just have to convince one of my Potter-fan friends to come down with me this spring... OK - maybe I can get through the storm that is projected to add another 18 to 24 inches of snow to what we already have here in Philly tomorrow night. As they used to say in the old commercials, "Calgon, take me away..."


And two quick things before I say "goodnight."

One: If you have to ask what Harry Potter has to do with The Fountain of Youth, I suggest you go back to elementary school history and geography for the answer.

Two: In an amazing (to me, anyway) feat of timing, Yours Truly actually scooped *Towleroad, which posted weatherman Jim Kosek's on-air melt-down a full day after I did. I suddenly feel like a real-life blogger...

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

I know I talked about Lady Gaga recently, and said I really wasn't familiar with her music. But when Ozzie Osbourne comes out and says he likes her, I suppose one has to pay attention (ahem).

Tonight, (via) I saw the very, very gay video for her newest release "Teeth." And you know what? I really liked the song (of course, I had to watch the video about three times before I actually paid attention the music...). I guess I have to check her other stuff out, now. You can check out Gaga's Vampire-themed hotness for yourself, below (may be NSFW):



Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Bite Me," doesn't it?

And speaking of The Gayest Thing, gay dating site ManCrunch has offered the below commercial (also via) to CBS for airing during the Superbowl. If anyone at CBS has half a brain, they'll air it:



Finally, while on the subject of CBS and Superbowl ads, I went to their site last night and posted the following on their feedback page:

"As a fan of many fine CBS programs, it saddens me that your network has chosen to air an ad paid for by the hate group, Focus On the Family during your Superbowl broadcast. While your company may not find the ad's contents objectionable, you should find its creators' values exceptionally objectionable. By accepting this ad, you are giving support and credence to an organization whose main focus is to discriminate against the LGBT community, block civil rights and destroy the lives of millions of LGBT citizens. Shame on you, CBS. If the ad airs as scheduled, you can be assured that you will lose millions of LGBT viewers, as well as their friends and family members. Is the temporary revenue you gain by allowing this ad to air worth the potential losses you will incur in the future? Until you announce the rejection of FOF's ad, I will be a former CBS viewer."

I urge all my readers to go to CBS's site and do the same. Please feel free to use and/or amend that text I will admit that I am sucker for the CSI franchise, but I'll give them up gladly, if they air that FOF ad.

More, anon.
Prospero

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